Fairy Tales Don't Exist
by Monroe5
Summary: They thought they were going to live happily ever after but soon they discover that fairy tales don't exixt in real life. OOC, AU
1. Chapter 1

Stephenie Meyer owns the Twilight Series and all its characters.

Prologue

It all began not once upon a time in a land far away but on a rather unsuspecting night in the valley of the sun.

He was no prince charming just an ordinary man caught up in his endless life of one-night stands and empty bottles. He didn't believe in fairy tales, but if they did exist it was what happened to other people. In his experience the shoe never fit, the spell never broke, and kisses held no magic. The wicked witch or the ugly stepsister was all he ever found. Most importantly he realized that as far as his life was concerned, good had no chance of prevailing. Happily ever after did not exist.

CHAPTER ONE

Unexpected Encounter

There had been no shortage of young, hot, women hoping to get one of the spots available. Normally it would have been a damn good day at work but not tonight. Tonight seemed never ending almost to the point that it was physically painful. Their shirking voices had penetrated his brain causing a major migraine. All he craved was to be alone with a drink away from annoying, phony girls.

He had to get this done though. Toxic opened in four weeks and he needed to fill these positions as soon as possible. He had a ton of other shit to get done too, but like with everything else lately, it seemed he was moving in slow motion.

"I believe that we have more than enough girls to pick from," Jasper said to his head bartender, Mike. He had relocated with him from Las Vegas to Arizona.

Jasper had told him he wanted him to run the place because he was the best bartender he knew. It was partly the truth, but mostly it was because he knew he could trust him. You never know whom you can trust. He found that out the hard way and now he had a problem trusting anyone. It seemed like everyone was out for themselves and they didn't care who they screwed to get what they wanted.

He had no room to talk though. He himself was guilty of just that. Getting ahead, being the best was all that mattered. Who got hurt was to no concern to him. It was not until recently that he realized the only person that had really gotten hurt was himself.

"I don't think that I will have a problem staring at any of them," Mike laughed recalling one slamming girl after another.

"Don't you ever get tired of one fake girl after another?" Jasper asked him thinking back to the string of one bottle blond with fake breasts after another.

You could easily replace one with another never knowing the difference. There was nothing special about any one of them. You wipe away the surface and nothing. There was nothing on the inside. What you saw was what you got. And that was not a hell of a lot.

Yet, it was not just the women that had him questioning the life he had chosen. It was himself. He couldn't seem to get excited about the club. His heart was just not into it. He told himself once his brother slash business partner got out there he would feel different and not so alone. His fear was it would change nothing about how he felt. The loneliness came from somewhere deep inside.

Suddenly the life he had worked so hard to build felt cold and empty. This had been everything he always wanted and now that he had it he realized how much he didn't have. There was no meaning to his life. There was no one. He was completely and utterly alone.

"Not really and you never have before. Are you feeling okay?" he asked of Jasper.

From the moment he started to work for Jasper; where there was a beautiful girl there was Jasper. He loved the women and the women loved him.

"I think that I just need a drink," he told him getting up to grab not just a drink, but the bottle. Yet, he knew that the liquor was not going to help ease his mind. Not when he was feeling like, what was the point of all this? What was the point to his life?

"Well I'm going to head on home, if that is alright with you?" Mike told him. The truth was he had a date with one of those girls from earlier. Think the girl next door crossed with a playboy bunny. Damn, did he love his job.

"Go ahead, I'll lock up," he said as he poured himself another drink hoping it would drown the restlessness inside of him. It didn't help as the warm liquid slid down his throat settling into his empty stomach. He only wished his mind was empty. Nagging thoughts plagued him as he could not stop questioning the purpose of his life.

"Excuse me?" a voice he could only describe as an angel broke into his self-pity and he looked up to see her standing there in front of him. His first thought was he could not breathe. His second thought was that she looked young, very young. Still there was a presence about her that exceeded her age. She was what some call an old soul. Her eyes gave away that fact. They were not the eyes of a young girl, but someone who had been through something in life.

She was beautiful, almost too beautiful. Her hair was warm brown with a lighter tone streaming through. Her skin was pale reminding him of sweet cream and he itched to taste it. Her eyes resembled a baby fawn so innocent, scared yet somehow wise. Chocolate was the color he thought, warm and rich. Her mouth was this perfect shade of pink that seemed to be asking to be kissed. All he wanted was to kiss it. Though she was trying to hide it under oversized clothes he could see her body was designed for sin. She had high full breasts, a small waist, and a gentle curve to her hips enticing him to imagine her in his arms exploring every inch of her.

He noticed that all in the first second. He also noticed his reaction to her. It was like nothing he ever experienced before. It was more than sexual. His response to her was core shaking.

"Can I help you?" he asked choking on the last remains of whiskey lingering in his mouth.

"I really hope so," she exhaled. He could see that she was slightly shaking and he longed to grab her and hold her. "I have a flat tire and …well I was wondering if I might get some help fixing it?" she asked transfixed by the guy sitting alone in the dark shadows. She had been feeling extremely nervous anyways about walking into what appeared to be an empty building. The thing was it was that or wait in a dark alley for roadside that informed her it was going to be over an hour before they got there. It was like door A or door B so she picked B. By the way this guy was looking at her though she was praying that she had not picked the wrong door. Her senses went to red alert as he continued to stare almost through her.

The thing was she could feel herself staring at him almost the same way. His eyes were this amazing pool of darkness and light that drew her in the longer she looked.

"Sure," he told her, "Let me just get a flash light," he said as he thought his night had taken a turn for the better or at least he was hoping it had. His heart was suddenly racing. He felt excited and alive. Suddenly just by her walking through the door there was this electricity in the air that sizzled and he felt energized.

"Oh thank you," she said displaying this amazing, radiating smile at him. With that he knew that it was all over for him. Hook, line, and sinker, reel him in. He became completely undone.

Twenty minutes later her flat tire was fixed and she was quietly sitting in his club sipping on a pop and he was staring dumbly at her. He told himself to stop, but pulling his eyes away from her was damn near impossible. She was stunning, but it was more than her beauty that drew him in. There was something so unique about her. He didn't know quite what it was, but he thought that if he looked at her long enough he would be able to figure it out. Besides he could not find his voice to speak, afraid of what would come out. Suddenly Mr. Cool felt like a big dork that had no idea what to say to a girl that was totally out of his league. God she was the first girl he ever considered out of his league. Maybe that was what was unique about her.

"Thank you again for fixing my tire. Waiting alone for roadside was freaking me out and I'm already late. My father should be getting home by now and will be wondering where I am," she told him thinking that her father was not going to care that she was late because she got a flat tire, only that she was late. She could hear him screaming already.

"How old are you?" he asked holding his breath waiting for her answer, thinking that she had looked young, but old enough not to worrying about what her father thought.

"I just turned eighteen a few weeks ago," she explained to him trying to control the little flip-flops in her stomach as he continued to stare at her. Was it hot in there or was it just her? She felt like she was on fire.

She should have just gotten in her car and headed on home once the tire was fixed, but when he asked her to come into the club she could not find her voice to say no and followed him in. It was pretty stupid on her part. She had no idea who he was and for all she knew he could be some ax murderer or serial rapist. It was not like her to trust someone so blindly. Her father had drilled 'the trust no one' through into her brain, especially men. Something in his eyes though told her he was safe and that she would regret it if she didn't go in with him.

He was gorgeous and hot as sin. He was not someone to take home to dad, especially her father. He was trouble with a capital T. He was everything she had ever been warned about. That was probably part of his appeal. On the other hand maybe it was the way he was looking at her. No one had ever looked at her like that before. She doubted anyone ever would. It was completely unnerving. The little hairs on the back of her neck were standing up at the power of his stare. It was like he was trying to crawl inside of her and bury himself. Maybe that was why she felt like she could not breathe. She also felt something else that she could not describe.

Just then as if she sensed she might be enjoying herself for a moment her phone rang.

"Hi dad," she said and braced.

"Where are you?" he demanded.

"I got a flat tire and I called road side to fix it…"

"Is it fixed?" he asked.

"It just got fixed."

"Then you should be home in a few minutes, right?" he told her.

"I'll be right there," she said hanging up the phone and taking a deep breath. The very last thing she wanted was to go home. Right now more than ever.

"That was my dad. I need to get home. Thanks again for helping me out," she told him when she got off the phone.

"No problem," he informed her and tried to think how he was going to ask her out before she disappeared. She was not just some random chick that would melt at one of his well master pick up lines. She was different. She was special.

"Bye," she said with a little wave abandoning her few brief moments of enjoying being with a cute boy. Time to get back to the real world she thought, but not because she wanted to.

"Wait…" he demanded as she reached the door.

She stopped, looking at him like 'what did I do?'

"I know that you are going to think that this is just a total line, but you are the most beautiful girl that I have ever seen," he told her and watched as she not just blushed, but turned chrisom red. It was as if no one had ever paid her a compliment before. It made him want to shower her with them.

"Thank you," was all she could say as she felt like her whole body was on fire. All of a sudden she didn't know what to do with her arms or legs. She giggled and crossed her arms around herself. She was such a dork.

"What would you say if I asked you out?" he asked her and watched as she went from red to white in a matter of a second. Not the reaction he was hoping for.

"Thank you, but I can't," she told him with no sign of the giggly girl of moments ago. Suddenly she was all serious. All of a sudden there was no laughter only longing and sadness.

"How come? Do you have a boyfriend?" he questioned thinking that there was no way that he could just let this girl slip out of his life. Did he really care anyways if there was one? Did anything at all matter but being with her? The answer shocked him as he thought no.

"No just a very controlling father," she informed him and he saw the pain on her face. It spoke volumes. All he wanted was to erase it.

"I bet there is a way around that," he said flashing a smile that normally came off smooth, but this time he felt that was not the effect.

"You don't know my father," she told him in a very matter of fact way.

"I'm sure…" he started to say but she stopped him short.

"I can't go out with you. Not my choice and there is no getting around my father. Another time and place," she told him wishing for once the time and place was now.

"Alright but how about I give you my number in case something changes," he told her knowing somehow by the look on her face not to push her farther on the subject. It was like he had just run into a brick wall named dad. At this point he was not getting through it.

It was okay though because something told him this was not the last time he would see her, but this was only the beginning. He could let her walk away tonight because she would be back. He felt it. He felt it in his soul that this girl was meant to be a part of his life. She had stumbled into his life for a reason. Do you believe in love at first sight he wanted to ask her? He never had before but one look at her and he was a believer.

"Okay," she finally agreed thinking though that nothing was going to change in the near future.

"Oh by the way my name is Isabella Marie Swan, but everyone calls me Bella."

"Well I am Jasper Whitlock but everyone calls me Jazzy."

He waited for her to reply, but she just stood there intently looking at him as if he was some science project she was trying to figure out. Finally after what felt like forever she smiled.

"You don't look like a Jazzy to me. Jasper suits you much better," she concluded.

"You can call me whatever you want," he smiled at her again and she smiled back at him before walking out the door. With her went all the energy in the room.

Bella couldn't wait to tell Angela all about the guy from last night. He had been her only thought since she left the club. God why did her father have to be such a freak? Why could she not be sitting across from a handsome boy staring into his eyes?

"I wish you had been there," Bella explained to her.

"How old was he…" Angela demanded. She smelled a rat. Bella had spent her life trapped in the world her father controlled and she was not prepared for the real world. It was going to eat her up and spit her out once she escaped the evil rein known as her father.

"He isn't like a weirdo or anything like that if that is what you are getting at. He seems really nice and he is young, like really young," she told her thinking back to the way he had made her feel when he looked at her. It was scary to her, but exciting.

"What like thirty?"

"No younger than that. I would say that he is in his twenties."

"Is he cute?" was her next question. That was always her next question followed by how much money he has and what kind of car did he drive.

"In the bad boy way so not your type," Bella announced trying to think how to describe him. He had blond hair, quite long flowing around his face in soft waves. His eyes were blue but this weird shade of blue. Intense she would describe them. Sad, lonely, and damaged were also words that came to mind. She wondered what had happened to him in his life to cause such pain and sorrow. She wanted to find out.

He was dressed nice wearing black dress pants and a light blue dress shirt. He had an amazing smile that she knew. Not to mention this sexy deep voice with a slight southern accent that made her tingle a little. Okay a lot.

"You are smiling as you think about him so that must mean that he is cute," Angela accused her. Bella needed a boy. Maybe once she got out from her father's iron clasp she would, but just not this one. This was not a boy but a man who she was sure was used to having his way with any number of girls. Why else run a club? It was his personal dating service she was sure.

"He is different than most guys that I run into."

"I'm sure! For one that is because he is a man and not some high school boy. Second it isn't like you run into too many male specimens. Your psycho dad has had you on lock down since you became a teenager. That man has issues and thanks to him so do you," she told her not knowing how she had put up with her dad as long as she had. Her dad and people like him was the very reason they came up with the temporary insanity plea. No normal person would ever convict her on murder charges.

"You don't need to remind me. I thought that once I turned eighteen that he was going to be off my back but I think that he has gotten worse," Bella said. It was a good thing that Angela was such a good friend or Bella wouldn't have anyone. Her dad had been overprotective her whole life but, once she started junior high he went nuts. She wasn't allowed to date or be out after eight. She couldn't spend the night at anyone's house and on and on. When she started high school it got worse. He questioned her on everything. She was not allowed to even have a boy as a friend and he snooped through her room and listened to her calls. It was like she was in jail. Prisoners probably had more privacy and freedom.

"Well until you are out from under his roof there is no chance of that happening."

"I know. I wanted to say yes to that guy last night," she said with regret over something that she had no control over. If it had been up to her she would have said yes to a date with him. The way he looked at her she thought she would probably have a hard time saying no to anything he asked. So maybe it was for the best that there would be no date between them.

"Maybe if you just told him how unfairly he treats you and explain your point of view on things than maybe he might give you some more freedom," she told her.

"You don't think that I haven't tried that before. As far as my father is concerned he is being a good parent by setting such strict guidelines and some day I will thank him. He really has no idea. I think he lives in his own warped reality."

"Clearly. Well the warden is going to be home soon so I had better get out of here. I'll talk to you later," Angela said grabbing her purse and heading out to go hang out with some of her other friends. She didn't tell Bella that because she knew that it would just hurt her feelings. There was so much that she was not able to do and she felt really bad for her, but at the same time she couldn't be expected not to be doing those things. Besides Bella's dad hated her. It was better if she was not around when he came home.

Bella lay on her bed staring at the ceiling feeling lonely and sorry for herself. It was Saturday night and every other teenager was out having fun and hanging out with their friends and probably their girlfriends or boyfriends. Not her. Never her.

Normally she was rescinded to that, but since her encounter with a handsome stranger all she could think about was the life she didn't have. Right now her life had no point or reason other than to be a whipping board for her dad.

She had spent her whole life trying to be the person that her father wanted, hoping that if she could be perfect, than she would finally make him happy. The thing was, even when she thought she was doing everything right her dad always found room for fault. Perfect was not even enough.

She was finally realizing that nothing was ever going to make that man happy besides maybe drugs. So why did she have to be miserable trying to make her father happy when it was never going to happen? Wasn't it maybe time to think about herself and what was going to make her happy? If not now when? When was her life going to start?

"I thought that I told you to do the dishes?" came the voice that was like nails on a chalkboard. It made her cringe every time she heard it anymore.

"I did."

"No you put them in the dishwasher and that was it."

"I was going to go put them away but…"

"But Angela was here and you forgot," he accused.

"No. The last time I checked it was still running so I was waiting for it to get done."

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Every time that I let you hang out with that girl you get all mouthy. You think just because her parents don't care how she acts that I shouldn't either. Well let me tell you, I won't be one of those fathers crying over the things their kids have done."

"She is just a normal teenager," she told her dad not that it would make any difference.

"Normal is such a sad word kind of like average. Now stop arguing with me and go empty the dishwasher," he commanded.

"I will," she said and took a deep breath and asked, "I was wondering if maybe next week that I could go out on Friday night?" she asked even though she knew what the answer was going to be.

"For what?" he asked giving her that look. You would think she just asked if it would be okay to go rob a bank or asked for a kidney.

"Nothing special just to hang out with Angela," she lied. She thought that if she could somehow get her father to agree to let her go out with Angela that she could not spend Friday night with her best friend, but with a cute guy with an amazing smile.

"I hardly think so. You hang out with her enough and nothing good ever came from hanging out at night. You need to be worrying about studying and not hanging out. I don't know why you even ask me those stupid questions," he said as the subject was closed in his mind and he went off into his room. So much for that thought.

The next day she sat in her room and held the number of the guy from the club and fought with herself on whether she should dare call him or just throw it way and forget about him. The thing was she couldn't get him out of her thoughts or the way that he made her feel with just a single look. It was like in that look something changed in her. He had awakened something in her that did not want to go quietly back to sleep.

The girl who had come to accept the life she had was suddenly at war with the girl inside that dreamed of so much more. Normally she was able to keep her locked away, but suddenly it seemed the lock had been broken and she was pushing to be free. The only thing stopping her was her father which was like an ocean being the only thing stopping you from walking from one continent to another.

Why was she even thinking about calling him? There was no way she would be able to go out on a date with him. Her dad had too close of a watch on her. Sometimes she thought that he even followed her to school and checked to make sure she was there. She shook her head, ripped up the number, and threw it away letting go of any thoughts of him. It was just not meant to be. Just like nothing else that might make her happy was. With that the girl inside went back into the dark and closed the door once again.

She started to walk out of her room only to stop and rush back to the trash can. She dug out the tiny scraps of paper. Carefully she pieced them back together. Six months was not forever and just maybe he would still want to go out, she hoped.

Two days later fate stepped in after reason had put a stop to any thoughts of her seeing him again anytime soon. She was in a hurry walking into the coffee shop trying to get a coffee and make it home on time, he was walking out. They collided.

"Damn," he said as his coffee spilled all over his arm. Just when he thought his day couldn't get any worse. This was the last straw. He declared this day a total loss. Forget the coffee it was time for the hard stuff.

"Damn," she swore as not only the coffee hit her but the tip of his cigarette came in contact with the soft flesh of her arm.

"Are you okay?" he finally asked forgetting for a second that someone else had been involved in the sidewalk collision. He looked up to say a quick sorry before getting out of there only to realize that it was no stranger, but his angel from the other night. His heart flipped. Then it flopped. Only to stop the next second.

"I'll live," she told him as she held on to her arm looking up finally realizing that he was no random stranger, but the guy from the club. Her heart flipped. Then it flopped. Only to stop the next second.

"You…" he said with this huge smile. He had started to believe that she was not going to call him. That he had let her go too easily believing she would be calling him for that date. He was seriously on the verge of trying to track her down. Not that he had anything to go on other than her name. Now fate had done the work for him and here she was.

"Hi…" she said as the butterflies from there first meeting made a return trip to her stomach. For a minute she forgot about the pain in her arm. Everything but him was forgotten.

"I can't believe that I ran into you," he said, wishing someone would find his brain. It seemed like when she was around that he forgot how to act.

"Funny how things like that happen. Speaking of running into…I think I better go get some ice for my arm," she told him as the pain returned.

"Oh I'm so sorry. Did the coffee burn you?"

"A little, but the cigarette did most of the damage," she told him as she took away her hand and showed him the small burn on her arm. The hot coffee didn't help either. Her arm had turned a nice shade of red.

"Shit! You sit down and I'll go get you some ice or something," he told her hurrying back in cursing the whole way.

Seconds later he was back out with a rag and some ice. He very carefully put the ice in the rag and placed the rag on her arm all the while telling her how sorry he was.

"I'm fine really. It hardly hurts anymore," she told him, seeing that he really felt bad about it when it had only been an accident. An accident that had bought him back into her life if only for a few minutes she thought. The pain was almost worth it.

"Let me go get you a coffee. What do you want?"

"You don't have to do that."

"It is the least I can do. What do you want?"

"Just regular, four creams, four sugars," she told him with a smile waiting for him to come back once again. It was like she was holding her breath that whole time praying that he did indeed return. She could not think of anything she wanted more than to share a few more moments with him. Well more than a few minutes, but that was going to have to be enough.

"There you go," he told her with another smile and finally sat down across from her, "How is your arm?"

"Better," she smiled at him. She could not help it. Everything about him made her want to smile.

"I feel like shit," he told her and went to light up another cigarette and then thought about it, "You don't mind if I smoke do you?"

"Not if you keep it far away from me," she informed him.

"God…" he moaned.

"I was just joking," she told him with another smile.

This girl was unnerving him. When she was around the cool always know what to say guy disappeared replaced by some dork that never talked to a girl before.

"I was waiting to get a call from you," he told her and thought there was no way that he was just going to let her go this time. He had known at the club that somehow she would come back into his life, but he wasn't going to chance fate again. He might not get another chance and he had a feeling that he needed this girl in his life more than he knew. She was all he had thought about since she had walked into his club.

"I told you that I couldn't go out with you. I have this control freak of a father that only basically lets me out to go to school."

"You are out right now, aren't you?"

"Yes, but I was just on my way home from school. Speaking of that I should get going," she told him. She didn't want to go. She wanted to stay there and stare into his eyes a while longer. She knew though if she stayed too long she could find herself lost in those eyes and that could be dangerous.

"Come on, a few more minutes is not going to end the world," he tempted her needing more time with her. He could not think about letting her go again without some kind of reassurance that he was going to see her again and soon.

"Like I said before you don't know my father, but I guess I could stay a few more minutes. So how is your club going? It is your club right?" she asked as she tried not to stare at him. He was so hot. He was nothing like the guys at school. He had been places and did things. He screamed I lived a life. She wanted to feel that. She wanted to be a part of that. She wanted to know how it felt to live. Mostly she wanted to know what it felt to be loved and then she was shocked when she felt her heart whisper 'I want to know what it feels like to be loved by him.' She fought to breath as the thought sat on her chest.

"Mine and my brother's. We open in a few weeks. You should come to the grand opening," he told her as he couldn't get enough of looking at her. She was everything perfect and right in the world. She was everything that he wasn't. Still in the middle of it all were these sad eyes that made him want to know what wrongs had been committed to this angel. How could anyone ever cause harm or sadness to someone so sweet and beautiful?

"One is I'm only eighteen."

"That's okay, I know the owner I could get you in," he said with a smirk as he slowly started to relax. If you call your heart beating a million miles an hour relaxing.

"Second, control freak father," she told him and he got the feeling that she used that line way too much.

"We are going to have to come up with some way to get around that control freak father thing. He is ruining everything," he told her trying to come off like he was joking, but honestly he wasn't. It seemed to him that her father was the only thing keeping them apart.

"You are telling me. I don't know what part of his brain is damaged but it is the part that lets me have a life. Since I can remember my dad has been so overprotective of me. I have in no terms of the word had a normal childhood. I have never been allowed to go to birthday parties or spend the night. Going to the movies and hanging out at the mall is something other kids do. Friends don't stay friends for long when they realize what a freak you are and by the time I got to junior high kids stopped trying to be my friend. I am almost used to it by now. Not that it makes it any easier. I have Angela though. She is my only friend. She comes over once and a while when my dad isn't around. Other than that …" she told him and then thought to herself she must sound like the biggest loser. Why was she spilling her guts to him in the first place? He really didn't need or want to hear her sad little story.

"You are eighteen, right?" he asked thinking he had been on his own before he hit eighteen. If it were him he would have packed his bags and been out of there. But that was him.

"Yes but that matters none to him as long as I am at home which I will be until I graduate. When my mom died she left me a trust that I get when I graduate. She couldn't make it easy and make it eighteen. So I have a little over six months until then," she said. The truth was six months two weeks 3 days and 47 minutes was left on her sentence, but she didn't tell him that. He must think that she was strange enough as it was.

"Then I guess we have six months to sneak around without your father finding out about us," he told her with a grin thinking that he was not letting her go. Six months was nothing. But normally it would be. Before he had met her he never thought pass the here and now. There was no reason thinking about someday when all you have is today. Now this girl had him thinking about tomorrow and the next day and maybe forever.

"I can't sneak around. My dad would so catch me. He is a cop, you know" she told him. She had never really did things she wasn't supposed to do and that was because the few times that she had her father had found out somehow and went totally off on her. Nothing had ever really been worth the punishment, before now.

"Trust me where there is a will there is a way," he explained and he knew even more how special this girl was. Never before had another woman tempted him to go beyond the normal flick of a smile and smooth line to get her to do whatever he wanted. Then again another girl had never made him think pass one night.

She smiled and shook her head thinking this guy was not going to give up until he understood either that her father was better than the FBI or she agreed to see him. She knew what she wanted, but knew what had to be done.

"My dad checks my cell phone and car mileage daily. It is pretty hard to get anything past him."

"Leave it all to me," he said as the covert operation started to form in his mind. He started to get excited and he realized that he hadn't been excited about anything in a long time. This girl was exciting him in more than one way.

She just sat drinking her coffee watching him as the wheels in his brain turned coming up with a plan to get around her father. She knew that she should be firm with him and make him understand that there was no way on this earth that she was going to be able to see him, but she didn't have the heart. She wanted to believe if even for a moment that it was possible. Finally he asked what school she went to and what time was her lunch. She told him and he told her he would meet her there tomorrow.

"I don't know if this is a good idea," she said as her heart pounded from excitement and fear. She really did want to see him, but she also really didn't want to get caught.

"Trust me," he said with a smile, "How is your arm?"

"Oh, fine. I forgot all about it while you were coming up with the secret mission," she laughed and then thought, "I better get home."

"Alright," he said getting up and coming over next to her, "So I'll see you tomorrow," he informed her as he reached out and took her into a hug. It caught her totally off guard as she tensed, but only for a second and then she closed her eyes and let the smell of him and the feel of him seep into her brain making a permanent home.

"Bye," she said with a half smile as her heart pounded and her body sizzled.

Damn, control yourself he thought to himself as she walked away. It was just a hug but it was enough to get his blood going. That girl was going to be his undoing and all he could say was he couldn't wait to be undone. With that he was off to set in motion the thoughts in his brain.

She didn't sleep a wink and as her alarm went off she jumped out of bed never in her life so excited about going to school. She had went through her whole closet last night looking for just the right thing to wear, but as she stared at herself in the mirror she knew that no matter what she wore, that she just wasn't one of those drop dead gorgeous girls that she was sure he was used to dating. She had seen a few of those girls coming out of the club that night and they had all been so beautiful.

That thought led her to another thought that had been on her mind since yesterday and that was why was he giving her the time of day? She knew he was the type of guy that had his pick of girls and it wasn't like she was anything special. On top of it there was her father and this whole sneaking around stuff just to get to see her for a few minutes. She just didn't get it. A guy like that didn't want a girl like her.

"You look cute," Angela said to her in the hall after third hour. One more class and it was lunch. She thought that she was going to pee on herself.

"You think so?" she asked, thinking she should have worn her red shirt instead. In fact she should have worn another outfit entirely.

"Yeah," she told her. She had on her normal jeans but a cute top. Mostly it was that she had on some make-up and had done her hair. Neither was something she did often. She looked very cute. She also noticed that she was acting all nervous and jumpy, "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, why do you ask?" she asked afraid that she could tell that she was up to something. Maybe she was a spy for her father she thought as she started to lose it.

"You seem all twitchy and nervous."

"Must have had too much coffee this morning," she said as the bell rang and she jumped.

"Try decaf," she informed her.

"I will. We better get to class," she told her. They had AP English together this hour.

"Life is not going to end if we are a minute late," she huffed thinking that Bella really did need to get a life and stop being so uptight.

The minutes seemed to drag and then stop as she sat in class waiting for the bell to ring. What if he didn't show up became her single thought? What if she walked out there to find that he had decided that seeing her was too much work?

She knew it would crush her, but it shouldn't she told herself. She didn't even know him or him her. He was just some guy that she had randomly met and nothing more. He didn't owe her anything. Lord knows that if it was the other way around she probably wouldn't show up.

It was just that she felt herself liking him already without even knowing him and she finally had this hope that something wonderful might happen to her.

The bell rang at that moment and as if she was running the New York marathon she ran out of there and towards the front door. She was almost panting as her hand pushed on the door and she said a silent prayer that he was there.

There was those butterflies again she thought to herself as the smile spread across her face as she saw him leaning on his car waiting for her. The glances from people behind her followed all the way over, but it didn't matter. In that space in time all that mattered was he was there.

"Hi,' he said and seeing her again made him feel like he was back in high school himself and this was his first crush. He had done nothing but think about her.

"Hi," she said and it felt like her tongue was sticking to the roof of her mouth. She didn't know what to say to him. She didn't know how to act.

"How long do you have for lunch?" he asked thinking no matter the amount of time it wasn't going to be enough.

"Fifty minutes."

"Do you want to get out of here?" he wanted to take her away from there and have her all to himself.

"I should probably stay here. I don't want to be late for class," she told him and then thought God she really was such a dork.

"Alright but how about we sit in my car?" he questioned as he looked around to see too many eyes on them. They were making him feel a little like a pervert or something.

She shook her head yes and he opened the door to his very nice SUV and she climbed in sinking into leather seats. When he climbed in the drivers seat shutting the door she suddenly felt way too close to him with no where to escape.

"You look beautiful today," he told her wanting to reach out and touch her in some way. He didn't though.

"Thank you," she said as she blushed and tingled all over again.

"You better get use to hearing that type of thing from me because I'm going to let you know every day just how beautiful you are."

She just sat there fiddling with the strap on her bag staring at anything but him. She didn't know how to handle what she felt, like she was being swept up in. Guys and dating did not compute in her brain. She wouldn't know how to deal with just a boy from high school let alone Jasper who was clearly not a boy.

He sat there and watched her realizing more and more how different she really was. More than anything it was clear just how innocent she was. If he was not going to make this girl freak out causing her to run he was going to have put on the brakes and take it slow. God help him with that one. Slow was not a speed he was used to. He had been living his life fast and hard for as long as he could remember.

"I gave some thought to how we can get around your father. I'm still working on the seeing each other thing, but I have a way we can talk without him knowing," he told her handing her the new cell phone that he had picked up this morning for her.

"I put you on my account and now you have a cell phone that your dad knows nothing about where you are free to talk to me. I programmed my number in already and I put the phone on vibrate so he won't hear it if I call you," he explained to her pretty happy with himself for coming up with this idea. He still had to come up with a way to see her other than her lunch hour. An hour here and there parked in some school's parking lot was not going to do it for him.

"I can't take this from you," she told him trying to hand it back to him. He was thinking passed today and looking towards a future. She could not let herself think beyond today and this moment. If this was all there was she would be happy. At least that was what she told herself. She knew that she should have not made him think that there was a chance that anything could happen between them at least not right now.

"Sure you can. I did this so we can talk. It is just a cell phone," he said.

"Alright, thank you," she told him and dared to imagine a future or at least a tomorrow. One day at a time. She just had to remember every one of those days that she had decided that it was time for her to be happy. He was the only person so far that had made her feel happy.

"How is the arm doing?" he asked, reaching over to turn it over to get a look at it. The second that he touched her she jumped. They both took a deep breath.

"It's okay," she told him trying to get herself to calm down and stop acting like such a dork around him. He was just a boy, she was just a girl, and they were just talking. But none of that was the complete truth and she knew it. She might be just a girl, but he was no boy and even though they were just talking at the moment, he looked at her like he had other things on his mind, "You really should stop smoking. It is really bad for you and besides that it makes your teeth yellow and gives you bad breath and…" she told him and then realized how she was coming off and she stopped. This was just great, either she said nothing or she said the wrong thing. Of the two though silence was golden.

"Is that your way of telling me you don't want to kiss me?" he asked and watched as her cheeks turned that adorable red and her eyes fill with surprise. She hadn't expected him to come back at her with that.

"I never said that," she told him, but couldn't look at him when she did. The truth was she had thought quite a bit about having him kiss her. The idea freaked her out… in a good way.

"Let's make sure your phone works," he told her pulling his out. With this girl it was going to be all about how things were said and done. He could not come at her like other girls.

She watched as he typed a message and sent it. She still jumped when the phone started buzzing. She half laughed and then flipped the phone and clicked on the message.

"Would you like me 2 kiss u?" was what it said and her heart started to race. She just stared at it as alarms in her brain went off screaming different things. For a second she even forgot that he was just sitting across from her.

She kind of glanced up at him and saw him sitting staring at her waiting for an answer. She typed a reply quickly and pressed send. His phone rang and she sat frozen waiting for him to react.

A/N: This is just a new idea I was working on. It is something completely different. It is all human and quite OOC and AU. Tell me what you think and if I should continue on with the story.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

Choices

He stared at the screen on his phone and thought that he had to be seeing it wrong. It wasn't what he expected. In fact it was about the last thing he expected.

"Not yet," it read. Well that was a direct hit to his pride. He couldn't remember a time that a girl turned him down and most of the time it was more than a kiss they were talking about. Okay where did he go from here he thought? His mind scrambled for plan B. The problem was there was no plan B and he really didn't want one. All he wanted was her lips pressed next to his, his tongue tasting her sweetness.

"I'm sorry," she said when he didn't look at her or react. What was she thinking? She had totally offended him and blown it, "It isn't that at some point that I don't want to kiss you it is just that we don't really know each other yet and…" she said trying to explain her reasoning, but the real reason was she was scared. She never kissed a boy before and he was not a boy anyways. He was a man that was going to want more than a kiss from her.

Then she thought to herself, what an idiot. She was talking about it happening sometime in the future, but the truth was there was a real chance there would be no next time. She should have just closed her eyes and leaned in.

"You know what they say, the best things come to those who wait," he told her trying to get over the momentary blow to his ego. In the long run of things waiting to kiss her was not going to kill him and he knew it was just a matter of time before it happened. That was not a question and neither were all the other things that were to come with her. If he didn't know it before he knew it now. This girl was his angel sent from heaven and whatever it took, whatever sacrifice he had to make, he was going to hold on to her forever. He had waited his whole life for her and now a little longer was not going to kill him. He hoped.

"You're not mad at me?" she questioned, sure that he was going to tell her to get out of his car and never look back.

"How could I be mad at you?" he told her with a smile that came across forced, "We will take things as slow as you need them to be. We will get to know each other and when the time is right…," he said without finishing, but his smirk said it all. She blushed again knowing he was inferring more than a kiss. She was innocent, but not that innocent.

"Alright," she agreed and wondered who was going to crack first. She thought it might be her as he stared into her eyes.

The next few days Bella was on a high. The smile on her face wouldn't fade. Every single thought in her mind was about Jasper and the next time she would hear his voice. She lived for those moments when they connected. Too bad it was only over the phone and never long enough.

"Hi beautiful," he said later that night. She had called him the moment her father was asleep. She had needed to hear his voice.

"Hi." Just hearing his voice made her tingle. It was hard to think when that sensation was happening to her.

"Is he asleep?" he asked, having gotten a taste of what Bella kept telling him about her father when they were talking last night and he barged into her room screaming at her because she was still awake. It had only been ten.

"Sound asleep, I checked," she said not daring to chance him coming in there again like last night. Luckily he had not caught her on the phone. The thing was Bella was getting pretty good at sneaking around. It was not something that she was proud of, but in times of love and war all was fair.

"Good," he said getting comfortable in his chair. Their nightly conversations had become marathon sessions. He never felt so connected to another person in his life. It felt like he could tell her anything and it would be alright.

"How was your day?" she asked wishing that he as there next to her as she asked him that question. She had flashes of them sitting on a couch, her rubbing his shoulders as he told her all about his day. Wow…where had that come from?

"Long," he told her and it had been, but that was how it was since he met her, "I was thinking that I want to see you. Don't get me wrong talking on the phone to you is amazing, but I need to see you. What would you say if I asked you to skip school tomorrow and spend the day with me?" he asked knowing that she might tell him no way. One reason was Bella was used to never daring to do anything she was not supposed to. Even if she did have the thought to be bad she was so afraid of her father finding out to act upon it. He understood what they were doing was taking her to her limit already. That made him realize that she was kind of into him. Well that was what he told himself.

"I can't do that. My dad would definitely find out if I did that," she said always worried about her father, but she wanted to say yes. He was right that talking on the phone was pretty wonderful, but she wanted to be near him. She was thinking that she might even want to rethink that answer about kissing. No she knew she wanted to kiss him. Her stomach was flipping and flopping all over at just the thought.

"It could happen without that much effort. You get up in the morning go to school like every other day. I will be waiting to pick you up. Then we have the day to spend together doing whatever we want. When school is getting out I take you back and you go home," he told her dying to spend some time with her. All the calls to each other had done was made him even crazier about her. Every word she spoke, every laugh that escaped her lips she pulled him in. She was perfect in every way. Even more so because she had no idea how perfect she was.

"You are so bad for tempting me to skip school," she told him as she really considered doing it. Her need to be with him was becoming way stronger than her fear of her father. In fact since she had met him nothing else seemed to matter except him and being with him. For her that was life changing. Never had anyone or anything dared her to go against the norm and dream of something more.

"If you give me a chance I'll tempt you to do a lot worse than skip school," he told her and knew without being able to see her that she just got all red. She looked so hot in red.

"Alright," she finally said but added, "If my dad finds out and he kills me my blood is on your hands."

She was never as nervous as she drove into the parking lot at school. Besides being paranoid that her father was hiding in the bushes she was freaking out about spending the day alone with Jasper. All she could think about was her decision to let him kiss her. That was if he tried to again. If he didn't she doubted she would have the nerve to kiss him or tell him that she wanted him to kiss her. It was all so complicated this boy girl stuff.

It was hard to miss his slick black SUV as she pulled in parking right next to him. He looked over at her as she turned off her car and smiled. She forgot everything else.

"Hi," he said as she climbed in and smiled at him. It had only been a few days since he saw her, but it was way too long. His reaction to having her near was shocking. It was going to take all his will power to be a good boy today. Wait, he had never been a good boy before and had no idea how to be one. Being bad was so much more fun. He just had to convince her of that.

"Hi," she said nervous, but excited. When he was around her it was like it was hard to control her joy. She felt the jumping up and down, laughing and screaming type of happiness. He was the only one to ever make her feel that way.

"I figured that we would head over to the club. I'm supposed to be at work…"

"Maybe this was a bad idea then," she cut him off as fear started to overtake the excitement. She glanced around almost expecting her father to pop up and catch her.

"No it was a great idea and I'm the boss so I get to decide when and if I go into work. I just figured that we could hang out there and if I was needed I would be there. Not that I think that will happen. Besides the likely hood of your father ever finding you there is like a million to one."

"Alright," she conceded. She needed to be near him. Where that happened mattered none to her. She thought that she would go anywhere with him if he only asked.

He didn't know how he was doing it. Having her there with him laughing and smiling like something out of his dreams and still not being able to touch her was pure agony. It was like for the first time in her life she was free and she was glowing as she floated around the club. He wanted to chase after her and catch her, but he stood there and watched her in amazement. It was truly like watching an angel dance on the sun. Light from nowhere filled the room as the sound of her laughter filled not only the space, but parts of his soul.

What was this girl doing to him? Where had this need to make her his and only his forever come from? Never in his life had he not only wanted, but needed someone more. It was like his single reason to wake up and breath now was her.

"This place is amazing. I know that it is going to be a huge success. What is the name again?" she asked out of breath from spinning around the room. She felt free and alive.

"Toxic," he simply said as he looked at her glistening skin and tousled hair and he couldn't help but wonder if this was an example of how she would look after they made love. He tried not to think about that as his body began to react to his vivid imagination.

"That is kind of a dark name. I mean I like it. Are you going to have live music or a DJ?" she asked with interest in what he did. She felt like she wanted to know everything about him and what made him tick. The club seemed to be a huge part of what made him up.

"Mainly a DJ, but I'd like to have live music, too. I want a wide range of music. Something for everyone. I'll probably even throw in a few love songs so you can be close to someone," he told her and suddenly had an idea. He walked over to the DJ booth and scanned the song list until he found what he was looking for. A push of a few buttons and music filled the club.

"Can I have this dance?" he asked so totally cheesy. The thing was this girl was making him want to do all the things he had always thought he was too cool to do. Like going steady, having a song, and slow dancing to that song.

"I don't dance…no I can't dance. Totally two left feet," she told him.

"Trust me."

She hesitated for only a split second before she eagerly stepped into his arms. In true teenage prom style her arms went around his neck and his circled her waist.

For an intense moment they didn't move. His eyes stared into hers and asked for answers to questions she didn't have. Then if even for him the moment was too powerful he lowered his eyes and they finally started moving.

It was a magical moment for her as she slowly danced wrapped up in the warmth that was Jasper. For the first time in her life she was having a 'the world ended and only they remained' moment. The music became a back drop to the melody of his heartbeat and the sound of his breath on her neck.

"Would you like me to kiss you now?" he whispered into her ear and the deep rich tempo of his voice sent multiple chills through her body.

She just shook her head yes unable to find her voice. Not knowing what to do she closed her eyes, held her breath, and waited for her first kiss.

As he gently lifted her chin she never opened her tightly closed eyes. Her lips were clamped shut as well. A smile crossed his face as suddenly he was full of joy. As he bent in to kiss her he hoped that he could stop at one simple kiss. Every part of him was pulsing from dancing with her. What would his reaction to a kiss be? He held his breath as he bent in.

She forgot to breath as she stood there feeling him inch closer. His warm breath that smelled of coffee brushed over her face and just as his lips lightly brushed hers the moment was interrupted. The spell was broken and she crashed back to earth.

"Jasper, are you around here somewhere," came a voice that caused him to pull away from her and swear.

"Wait here," he commanded as he disappeared off into the back of the club cursing the whole way.

She took a deep breath and let it out as the last notes of the song ended. Was the interruption the world's way of telling her that she shouldn't be kissing Jasper? It hadn't felt like she shouldn't be kissing him. Nothing in life had felt more right. Her heart was racing from dancing in his arms. She could not image the impact that kiss would have had.

Just then she heard a noise from somewhere and she jumped. Now without Jasper there she realized how creepy being in there alone was. If she didn't know better she would think that she was in some really bad horror movie.

"Bella?" a voice asked her from behind the bar that set her jumping once again.

"Yes…" she answered staring at him wondering who he was and how he knew who she was. Maybe her last thought had not been so far off.

"I'm Mike the bartender. Jasper is dealing with some business right now, but he asked me to show you up to his office," he told her with a smile that she was sure got him lots of tips and even more numbers. The thing was she didn't like him already.

Jasper's office was in the back, up some stairs and on the second floor overlooking the club. She only tripped once going up the stairs.

It was an amazing view she was sure once the place opened and it was full. There was a clear view of the entire club from his office.

The office itself was huge. There was this old antique desk that took up a good piece of the room. File cabinets, chairs, a couch, and TV filled the rest of the room.

"He shouldn't be that long and if you need anything I'm just downstairs, okay?" he told her flashing her again his perfect smile.

"Sure, thanks," she said. She would be happy to see Jasper again. It was nothing that he did, but the bartender gave her an uneasy feeling that something was not right about him. He creeped her out in the psycho serial killer way.

She tried to push that thought from her head and chalk it up to her nerves or the fact that her father had raised her to trust no one, fear everything.

Jasper walked into the club searching for Mike. He had finally straightened out the liquor delivery and he wanted to make sure that Mike was going to be around to receive it.

"Everything alright? Want a drink?" he asked as Jasper climbed up to the bar.

"Let's hold off on that drink for now. The liquor truck is going to be here in like twenty minutes not tomorrow like we thought. Can you handle it by yourself? I have…."

"A hot, very young girl waiting up in your office for you," he said with a grin. He got his fair share of girls, but compared to Jasper he looked like a rookie. It was not just the quantity either, but the quality. The girl upstairs was no different.

"Don't give me that look. This girl is different," he tried to tell him but when he said, "Sure boss whatever you say," he knew he didn't believe a word he said and for good reason. His reputation when it came to women was better known than anything he ever did in business. Once that would have been a badge of honor, but suddenly it felt like a crown of thorns.

He climbed the stairs to his office and walked in to find her quietly sitting on the couch waiting for him. She smiled when he came in and he couldn't help but smile back.

"Sorry about that. You know that you could have turned the TV on or something," he told her as he sat down at his desk and not next to her like he would have liked. Space was his friend at the moment. Too many emotions were raging through him at the moment.

"That is okay I was just sitting here thinking," she explained to him briefly glancing over at him.

"What were you thinking about?" he questioned wanting to know every little thought that ran around in her beautiful head.

"A bunch of stuff but right now mainly about your club."

"My club?" he asked with a puzzled look on his face. That was about the last thing that he thought she would say.

"Yeah, like even though I'm sure you need an office this would make an amazing VIP room with it being above the rest of the club and having a great view over the entire club."

"That's a pretty good idea," he said amazed at her eye for that type of thing. Why hadn't he thought of that?

"It is simply about that celebrity factor that is so popular right now. People will pay to feel like they are important."

"Damn, where do you come up with this stuff?"

"I have a lot of spare time. I read a lot," she told him and then decided smart was not sexy and changed the subject, "Is everything okay?"

"Fine. Just one of the million things that comes up. Are you hungry? I could send Mike out to get something or we could go somewhere?" he asked even more amazed by this girl the more he got to know her. The more she revealed to him the more he wanted to know.

"I'll go get us something," she told him thinking it gave her a chance to get her thoughts together. When he was around she found it hard to think clearly.

"I don't know about you driving my car," he told her. He was crazy about this girl, but that was his baby.

"I'm a great driver. My father made me take the driving class three times."

"Oh shit…" he said thinking there was no way that she was driving his car.

"Not because I was a bad driver. I passed it the first time but he just wanted to make sure that I was fully prepared to be behind a moving weapon of death as he put it."

"Yeah he is a few drinks short of a six pack," he announced giving her a smile, "Here are my keys," he said feeling like he was giving away his first-born.

"I'll be right back," she said with a happy smile that said it meant a lot to her that he had just done that, "Oh what do you want?"

"Surprise me."

He sat back in his chair and closed his eyes. What was he going to do about this girl? It was like she was taking over his every thought. His every thought unfortunately was about getting close enough to her to have her wrapped around his body. It was almost painful to know that there was no way he could have her, just yet. That was pushing him towards one bad mood. God how he would like to lay her down on that couch and watch her turn red all over as he whispered in her ear all the things that he planned on doing to her.

"Jasper…" Bella said walking in to find him daydreaming it seemed. It was nice to know she was not the only one guilty of that. She just wondered if he daydreamed about her the way she did about him.

"That was quick," he said clearing his throat trying to get his thoughts in check. He couldn't help but wonder how she would react if she knew what he had been imagining only seconds before.

"There is a pretty good place not too far from here. I got you a turkey sandwich. There is water and a smoothie too. They make the best ones. I got banana and you strawberry but I didn't drink out of mine yet so we can switch if you want," she told him feeling nervous with the way he was looking at her.

"Nope this is perfect," he told her taking a drink of his smoothie. A smoothie, he wanted to laugh. It was not something that he would ever drink normally. It was either jack and coke, sometimes minus the coke sometimes minus the jack or coffee.

"So tell me everything there is to know about you," he said to her as she picked at her food. She was too nervous to eat.

"Not that much to tell. You know most of it. I live with my father as you know. My mother died when I was born. She's just a photo in a frame to me. I stare at her and try to see myself but I can't. I feel guilty that I don't miss her but it is hard to miss someone you never knew. My dad is a cop. That is his life when he's not controlling mine. I have an older brother, but I haven't seen him in years. He had a huge falling out with our dad and took off. At the time, I couldn't forgive him for leaving me but now that I am older, I totally understand why he had to do it. I still think about him. I wonder where he went and how is he. I sometimes worry about if he is okay since so much time has passed since I heard from him. Hopefully one day I'll get to see him again," she said as sadness hit her from talking about her brother. She tried not to think about him because all she ever ended up was sad.

"I'm sure you will, especially now that you are older. Maybe you should try to track him down. With the way the internet is now you can find people pretty easy."

"Maybe I will try to see if I can find him. I never really thought about that before," she said as her brain started to give thought to maybe finding her brother after all this time. She smiled at him and thought she couldn't believe how well he got her. It felt like no matter what she told him that he wasn't going to judge her. He just listened and didn't try to fix things. He was just there for her. It said so much about him as a person, but there was so much more to know.

"What about you? What is your story because I can just look at you and see that you have lived a life already," she told him which he knew was the truth. She looked at him and saw him. It wasn't just that she saw by looking at him but she was looking into him. Her eyes saw pass the surface and all the way into his soul. Those eyes were going to be his undoing.

"Growing up life was a little rocky. I was blessed with the best mother and the worst father. Nothing I ever did was good enough for him. A total disappointment he called me. I think I was the only kid ever happy when his parents got a divorce. I was fourteen and for a few years things were really good just with my mom. Then my mom met someone and even though he was a nice guy he was still an intruder in my life. I was happy the way things were and now here was this guy who thought that he had some say over me. I had spent too many years having my own dad tell me what to do and basically here was a stranger coming in and trying to parent me. Sure I was happy that my mother had found someone, but there was no way that I could hang around there. Two weeks before my eighteenth birthday I left home. I went from Texas to Las Vegas. The beginning was a little rough, but I wouldn't change any of it," he confessed to her. He knew then without a doubt how special this girl was.

"So how did you go from that to having your own club in such a short time? I know that you can't be that much older than me, right?" she dared to ask. She thought that he wasn't that old but she could be really wrong.

"Twenty-four," he told her and watched as her eyes widened either from the thought that he was younger than she thought or older, "I'm not proud to admit it but the person I despised more than anybody in the end helped me out. My dad died and left me some money. I took it and with my brother opened our first club. I was just twenty-one. The club was Rave and it was a hit. We sold it for a killing and open Perplexed and it was a hundred times more successful than Rave. We are in the middle of selling it and opening this one. My brother wanted to move here and I was pretty burned out on the Vegas life. We thought three times is a charm and this club could be huge. We kind of have a knack for this. With his brains and my charm," he told her with a smirk. He had wanted to get to know her better, but it felt like he was the one spilling his guts. Opening up about himself was not something that he was used to doing and it left him feeling very exposed and vulnerable. He didn't like that feeling even if she was the one causing it.

"So what do you plan on doing after you graduate?" he asked her trying to keep his mind busy.

"First, move out of my father's house. After that everything that I was never allowed to do when I was under my father's roof. Then probably go to college," she told him as the countdown to graduation rolled through her brain.

"What do you want to study?"

"I honestly don't know. It's always been my father's plan that I would study law and become a lawyer. Never my plan, but I don't tell him that. For once it will just be nice to not have my life planned out and explore everything to find out what I like. I could always come run this place for you," she said with a smile.

"Tell me when."

It was too soon that she realized that time had flown away and school was about to get out. Even though he said he wanted to keep her there for the rest of the day he reluctantly drove her back to school.

"I'm glad that I decided to play hooky today," she confessed to him with a smile as they sat parked at school. The bell had just rung so everyone was starting to filter out. The freedom she had felt alone with him in the safety of his club disappeared as she scanned the faces for Angela.

"Not as glad as I am. I have something for you," he said digging into his pants to pull out a set of keys, "These are the keys to the club. There is stairs in the back of the building that goes up to my office. I would give you the keys to my house but I'm at the club ninety-nine percent of the time. Whenever you can get away no matter the time you can come and see me," he told her already thinking about the next time he could see her. Mostly he was thinking about kissing her. Two chances and still no kiss. The third chance was now as she was about to leave him. There was no way that he was letting her go again before it happened.

"Are we at that stage already?" she questioned. She knew this was all new to her, but she still felt like they were moving really fast. Maybe just to her it was fast.

"I wouldn't know. I don't normally do stages," he told her thinking that he didn't spend long enough with a girl to move to the next stage, "As far as I'm concerned though this is hardly a stage. If it were up to me, we would be way past this stage. I'm settling for this because I don't want to freak you out by moving at the speed that I would like to be," he confessed to her. For the love of God he still hadn't kissed her yet. How slow did she expect him to move?

"Well it doesn't matter because I am already freaked out. If you haven't realized yet we are on different playing fields. I'm like peewee and you are in the pros. You are so far out of my league," she said as she was having a war with her own thoughts. Nothing made sense. Part of her was caught up in this new exciting experience with Jasper. She liked him and liked being with him. He made her laugh and he made her feel special. That was the part of her that said forget everything and let it happen. Then there was the part of her that said things like he is too old for you, he is too experienced for you. He is probably just using you and once you give him what he wants he will be gone. No one as great as Jasper would ever want someone like her so what was the angle?

"I won't lie, I'm sure that I have more experience sexually than you…"

"I'm sure of that since I'm still a virgin," she let pop out without thinking and then instantly regretted it. She couldn't look at him as her face got third degree burns.

He had thought she might be, but for her to confirm it took him a little back. An eighteen-year-old virgin was a rare thing these days. The thing was though nothing had turned him on more. The thought that no other man had touched her in that way made him want to be the first like he wanted to breathe.

"Okay so I'm a lot more experienced than you in that department but as far as this relationship thing we are on the same level. I haven't been here before. What is happening between us is all new for me, I'm falling for you and I don't fall. The big difference between you and me though is that I know that we are meant to be together. I knew it the moment I saw you. You don't; not yet but you will," he explained to her.

She sat there wanting to sink into his sureness. She wanted to close her eyes and jump having no doubts this was meant to be. She just couldn't. Not yet and maybe not at all. There were things holding her back. Her father maybe. Maybe her own fear of the unknown and the chance of getting hurt or rejected. There was so much to be lost. Just maybe though there was more to be gained.

"I better go. I don't want to be late," she told him. She grabbed her bag, opened the door, and hopped out.

"Bella…" he called to her afraid of how she was leaving. He saw the doubt in her eyes. She half smiled and closed the door. She could not tell him what he needed to hear.

Over the next two days, even though she talked to Jasper several times she kept the conversation brief and casual. She kept telling him that her father was around or that she had homework to do. Whatever excuse she could come up with to cut it short before he could bring the conversation of them up.

It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him. It was more like she was freaking out about everything. Here he was so sure that they were meant to be together and everything was going to work out. How could he be so sure? How could he know what the future was going to bring? Even she was not so naïve to believe that real love could develop that quickly.

She did have feelings for him. She liked him a lot. She liked being with him. She liked the way he made her laugh and the smile that was on her face whenever he was around or she was just thinking about him. Butterflies and blushing was two constants when he looked at her with those intense eyes that dared her to let go. Emotions that she had never experienced before invaded her brain until she could not think straight.

That was the thing though. Jasper had come into her life like a force of nature stirring everything up. She was feeling things she never felt before. She was doing things she never dared do before. She was petrified of all the feelings she had for him. She was scared that if she let go she would get caught up in Hurricane Jasper and the devastation she would experience when the storm died down. And it would. Nothing ever lasted. Happily ever after didn't exist.

He was getting blown off. He had done it enough times to enough girls to know the deal. He had laid it on too thick too soon with the 'they were meant to be together' line. He had witnessed the retreat in her eyes when she left him.

He knew as he was saying it that it was too much for her too soon. What happened to going slow? The only problem was with her he found it impossible to hold anything back. He wanted to empty his heart out to her until it was empty to be refilled only by her. He had to make things alright between them again. He just didn't know how.

She was at the library again. It was the only place her dad let her go without a fight. She spent a lot of time there.

"I figured you would be here," Angela told her sitting down across from her.

"What are you doing here?" she questioned. The library was not her type of hang out.

"Well I tried to call you, but for some reason you are not answering your phone…" she said and at that exact moment her phone started vibrating on the table.

"Is that why? You got a new phone," she said grabbing it without a second thought.

"Angela…" she said trying to grab it back.

"We need to talk…" she read and then it began, "Who is Jasper and why do you need to talk to him?" she questioned, raising her eyebrow.

"It's nothing…" she groaned thinking the last thing she needed was Angela with her big mouth finding out about her and Jasper. She loved her friend, but Angela never knew when to shut her mouth.

"It seems like something to me and on top of the fact that you were not at school Friday," she put out to her and watched as she paled. Totally busted.

"I was at school,' she told her, but what she wanted to do was tell her the truth. What she wanted was to talk to her best friend about her boy and the trouble that she was having. That was what a best friend was for. She could not risk it though.

"I know that your car was there, but you were not. Do you forget we have English together?"

"I was in the library during English. You need to stop watching so many soap operas. You know me better than that. I don't skip school," she told her and that used to be the truth. That counted for something, right?

"Okay let's say you were at school that still does not explain Jasper?" she told her and watched as her friend tried to come up with some valid answer to her question. She was amazed when she did without missing a beat. It almost made her believe that she was telling her the truth.

"I found this guy to help me locate my brother. He probably wants to tell me that he couldn't find him," she explained to her best friend hating the fact that she was lying to her, but right now she wasn't sure if there was anything to tell. No need to get into all that if there was going to be no Jasper.

"How come you never told me about any of this?" she questioned. As juicy as it would be for Bella to be having some secret relationship with some guy there was no way that she was. It was just not in her.

"Until there was something to tell I didn't want to jinx anything," she explained and wondered when she had gotten so good at lying. She hated lying. She should not have to. Lying implied that something should be hid and seeing Jasper she thought was not something that should.

"Well I hope that you find him," she told her with a sweet smile that made Bella feel like total crap. She reconsidered telling her the truth, but just as she was about to Angela changed the subject.

"The real reason that I came looking for you was I know I was supposed to spend the night tonight, but there is this big party tonight and…" she trailed off because she knew there was nothing more that needed to be said. This was not the first time that this had happened and Bella knew the drill.

She just smiled and told her it was fine. She didn't waste any time getting out of there.

A note was waiting for her from her dad when she went into the kitchen to get a snack.

"Working the late shift. Be back in the morning. Don't be out."

What an ass she thought. Just than her cell rang only to be her father.

"Hello."

"Are you at home?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I just got home from the library. I'm getting a snack and going to do homework."

"Okay. No one is there either, right?"

"No I am alone."

"Good, keep it that way. I'll be home in the morning."

"Okay."

She thought about going over to Jasper's, but in the end decided not to. She wanted to see him but she wasn't sure yet if she should be seeing him. She was having an internal tug a war between right and wrong. The problem was she wasn't sure which was which. She just needed time to try and make sense of her feelings. Besides she was afraid what it was that he wanted to talk about.

The phone woke her from sleeping. She had crashed like an hour ago from boredom. She should have gone to Jasper's. It was probably her dad double-checking that she wasn't having any fun she thought as she answered it.

"Hello."

It was after one and all Bella could think about was going home and crawling back into bed. This was all Angela's fault. It had been her on the phone calling from some party, drunk. She begged her to come, pick her up, and take her home since she had come with other friends that had just left her there. She wanted to leave her there too, but that wasn't the type of person she was.

So here she was walking into an out of control frat party. She scanned the crowd from the door looking for Angela but the room was filled with nothing but short skirts and boobs. She took a step into the room only to have some large really drunk guy crash right into her, spilling his beer all over her.

"Damn," she swore. It wasn't the only thing that she wanted to say but what was the point? If the guy hadn't been totally wasted to even understand normal conversation, the music and sound level in that place was at maximum. At this point all she wanted was to find Angela and then the nearest exit and get out of there. To think she actually thought all this time that by not getting to go to parties and things like this that she had been missing something.

She took a deep breath and walked into the mess of people. It seemed like there was someone everywhere. Couples making out, people passed out where they fell; bodies lined the floor and any other surface. No one seemed to care as they stepped around or over whoever was in their way. It seemed to take her forever to make it only a few feet and there was still no sign of Angela.

She took one more step and felt someone grabbing at her. It wasn't the first time either. In the few minutes that she had walked into the room she had felt more than a few hands on her. She was about to scream.

Someone grabbed at her again this time catching her by her hand and didn't let go. She instantly turned to pull her hand free and yell at the guy who was holding her prisoner. She had no idea who he was as she stared at him. He was a stranger to her, but there was something in his eyes that held here there and stopped her from trying to pull away. Then he smiled at her and she was gone. She instantly forgot about the party, Angela, and the fact that she didn't know him.

He tightened the hold on her hand and motioned with his head to follow him. Her brain should have told her no way but it must have been damaged from the noise and shut down because she let him led her through the maze of people and out of the party.

They ended up in the backyard of the house. There was only a few people out there and within moments of them stepping foot out there they all headed back into the party and she was left alone with him.

He was still holding her hand and all she could do was stare at the sight of their two hands clasped together. It was like there was an electric current flowing between his hand and hers. It wasn't until he slowly let her hand slip through his that she was able to focus on him and who he was.

Who he was she thought was the cutest boy she had ever seen. She knew that she was openly staring at him, but she couldn't help herself. He was beautiful but there was also something else about him that was drawing her to him even though she knew it was wrong.

His hair was a coppery bronze that was cut not too short and it had that kind of shaggy, messed up look. He had a strong face, well defined bones and a solid jaw, but he also had a youthful face that made him seem younger than he probably was. His eyes were the most incredible thing. She had never seen eyes that green. It was like they were piercing right through her. Then there were his lips. They were all pink and they looked so soft and sweet. Lips made to be kissed.

She could feel her face start to redden as that thought swirled around in her brain. As she looked up at him he smiled and she just knew that he had known what she was thinking and that just made her face glow red.

"Are you okay?" he asked and his voice was like the sweetest music and she knew that she could listen to it forever.

"I'm fine," she said, but it was like a whisper. Her voice seemed to be caught up in her throat. She had never had this type of a reaction to a boy before. Not even Jasper. That thought freaked her out and restarted the questions in her head about if she should be seeing him.

"I had the feeling like you were looking for the closest escape."

"Was it that obvious? I just came to pick up a friend of mine who had too much to drink and needed a ride. But I can't find her probably because there is like a million people in there and some guy spilled beer all over me and I got grabbed a few times and then you did it and I was about to hit you but I think that I am glad that I didn't…" she told him and then decided to add, "Since you were the one to get me out of there."

"Bella, right?" he asked and watched as her eyes lit up like how did this guy know her name? "Angela told me to watch out for you. She ended up getting a ride from someone else and wanted me to let you know," he explained to her.

"What? How do you even know her?" she questioned, right at that pissed off state.

"I don't know her. I just met her tonight. She hooked up with a friend of mine and that is who she left with. She asked me to stay and wait for you and let you know what was going on."

"And she couldn't call me and let me know that instead of having to come all the way over here for nothing," she said more to herself than to him.

"She said she tried to call, but that you didn't answer."

"Oh yeah I forgot my phone at home. I was in a hurry to get over here thinking that she really needed me. I should have known that she could take care of herself. Well thanks for going out of your way to let me know that she had left. I think that I could have spent hours in there looking for her," she told him as her mind thought about what she was going to tell Angela when she talked to her, if she ever talked to her again after this stunt.

"No problem, I'm Edward by the way," he told her with a smile.

"Nice to meet you, as you already know I am Bella. Well I better get out of here and get back home. Thanks again," Bella said turning to go when once again he grabbed her arm and pulled her back around.

"Wait, can't you stay?" he asked with puppy dog eyes that felt like they were hypnotizing her.

"No I need to get back home," Bella told him thinking even though he was a very cute boy that she had clearly had some kind of reaction to, he was still just a boy. He was not Jasper and as freaked out as she was about him she was starting to realize that was just because of how he made her feel. He made her feel like no one else could. It was deeper and intense.

"Can't I do anything to convince you to stay?" he questioned.

"I really can't."

"How come? Do you have somewhere else to be? A boyfriend perhaps?" he asked her.

She stared at him for a minute and thought to herself what the correct answer to that question was? Was Jasper her boyfriend? If someone asked him that same question how would he answer? Did it matter? She was his no matter what he called her.

"The cops are coming," someone screamed.

"I have to get out of here," Bella said as her brain slipped back to reality. She would be dead if her dad even found out that she was at a party. Without a second thought to the guy she turned and ran.

"Wait…" but she was already gone.

Bella's praying must have helped because as she was pulling away from the party she heard the cops pull up. Her life would have been over if she had to call her dad and tell him that she had been picked up by the cops. No, there was no way that was going to happen. She would rather sit in jail for the rest of her life than make that call.

It was just about two when she finally got home and all she wanted to do was go to bed. There was so much going on in her head and she needed some time to figure it all out. Something had happened tonight that had calmed her doubts about things she had feared before.

She walked into the dark hall and went to turn on the light when she felt someone grab her and then she screamed.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

Breaking Point

"Shut up," her dad yelled, "It's just me."

"You scared me to death. I thought that you were, I don't even know but…I thought you were coming home in the morning?" Bella asked thinking to herself that this was not good. It was worse than that. She was so dead.

"I was until Mrs. Plummer called me and told me that she saw you going out. I had her watch over here to see if you had anyone over or if you left when you should be home."

"I can't believe that you had someone watching me like I am two years old," she told her father in disgust. This was pushing closely to insanity. No not close… this was insanity at its worse.

"It is a good thing that I did because look, I'm gone for like one second and you are out running around in the middle of the night doing God knows what. Did you really think that I wouldn't find out? I know everything."

"I only went out because Angela called me and asked me to give her a ride home because she had been drinking. What was I to do just let my best friend or I should say my only friend drive home drunk?" she explained to him and then realized that probably wasn't going to help her case much.

"She couldn't call a cab? And that just goes to prove that you should not be hanging out with that girl. She is a no good tramp that has no morals or standards. I don't really care why you were out only that you were after I told you to stay home. You are grounded," he informed her.

Surprise, surprise! When wasn't she? Her life was just one long punishment for crimes that she hadn't even committed. If she was going to get punished anyways for things that her father imagined that she was doing than she might as well be having the fun of doing them.

"First of all Angela is just a normal teenager. She is not doing horrible things like you think. She does the normal things that teenagers do. She has been a good friend to me and if she ever calls me and needs me I will be there for her. Second you cannot keep me in this little bubble that you created for me. I am eighteen now and I should be able to make a few decisions for myself. I have never done anything wrong for you to keep me on lockdown," Bella told him thinking that she had it, but only because her father was certifiable. She could not take this anymore.

"The only reason that you haven't been out there doing stupid things is because I have watched over you. I'm sorry that I am not just one of those self-involved parents that don't have a clue what their kids are doing. As for being eighteen as long as you are here, I do control you," her dad told her making sure that she knew that maybe in the outside world that eighteen meant something, but not in the confines of these walls.

"Then maybe I shouldn't be here anymore," she calmly said to her father and then proceeded to turn around and walk back out the door and get into her car. Her dad was screaming at her as she pulled out and drove away. She didn't know where she was heading only that it was away from her father. Away from the confines of her father's rules and judgment. She felt like she could no longer breathe there and to survive she had to find air. Be free to take a deep breath.

Yet she still found it hard to breathe as she drove for a few miles trying to calm down. She was shaking not so much from father, but at the fact of what she had done. She had thought about running away, escaping before, but she had never gotten this far before. She just was at her breaking point when it came to her father and his controlling ways. She could understand if she was some destructive, wild kid that was always getting herself in trouble, but she wasn't. She was a good girl. She never really did anything wrong. That was the only choice she had since her father never let her have enough rope to hang herself. She was never given the opportunity to do anything, let only anything wrong. How was she ever going to learn anything about life if she wasn't allowed to have one?

She tried to call Angela thinking that there was no way that she was going back home tonight. She could not handle the thought of facing her father again tonight for round two, but of course Angela wasn't home. She was out being a teenager and not sitting in her room on lockdown. There was no one else for her to call. She had no other friends and as for family there was just her dad and brother of course, but she had not spoken to him in years. He had just disappeared out of their life one night a long time ago. She had no idea the, reason only that it had something to do with their dad. Didn't everything?

Her only other thought was Jasper, Toxic and the keys hidden in her purse. If he was there she could see him. She really needed someone to talk about the confrontation between her and her father. She also needed to talk to him about them. She wanted him to know if he was still there she was finally there, too.

If he wasn't there she had the keys to the club and could easily sneak up to the office and sleep on the couch for the night and be gone before anyone ever knew she was there. It wasn't as if the club was even open yet. Its grand opening wasn't until next weekend. It was the perfect solution for her problem at least for the night. With a smile she headed over to the club.

He fumbled to find the light switch on the wall. He should be home asleep, but years of running a nightclub had turned him into a night person and he found it hard to fall into bed before sometime in the morning. Not that sleep was something that he was getting a lot of lately. A sweet faced angel that he wanted to possess was consuming his nights as well as his days. With no hope of sleep he headed to the club. Besides there was still a hundred details to go over before the club opened next week. He might as well be doing something useful he told himself as he finally found the light and turned it on only to find goldilocks sleeping in his bed, well sort of.

Curled up sound asleep on the couch in the office was Bella. Her brown hair was spread across her face, her legs tucked up close to her body and his jacket that he had left there earlier was laying over her as a blanket in an attempt to get warm. All kinds of thoughts entered his brain all at once. And then they all left it as she stirred and then jumped.

"JASPER…" she said as her eyes flew open and she scrambled to get up startled. She had been dreaming this strange dream about her brother. He was there with her talking to her, but he was in the shadows. She could not see his face, but she knew it was him by the calming tone of his words. It was with her from her childhood. When her father would scream at her, belittle her, it was her brother's words that soothed her broken soul. She only wished that he was there now to do the same.

"It's alright," he told her coming over to sit down next her.

"I'm sorry I just showed up here like this. It was just that I had nowhere else to go. I tried to call Angela, but she wasn't answering her phone and there was no way that I could go back home and I just figured that I could come here and see if you were here and if not I could get a few hours of sleep and try to figure out what I was going to do," she rambled on distraught over the whole state of her life at the moment.

"Bella, it is okay. I gave you the keys just for a time like this. I'm not concerned about you being here only what caused you to be so upset," he asked knowing that something was really wrong.

"My father of course. My friend; my only friend called me tonight and asked me to pick her up since she had too much to drink and so I went to get her. My father had been at work, but came flying home when he found out that I had left the house. And you ask how he even knew I left; well he has the neighbors spying on me for the love of god. I got home and found him there screaming at me. I just had enough and walked out. I had nowhere else to go once I found out Angela wasn't home."

"I thought that you went out to drive her home so how is it that she wasn't home?" Jasper questioned, not that it was even important, but it just hit him as strange.

"I know, right…well the thing is that when I got to the party she had hooked up with some guy and she left with him. I have no idea where she ended up and that was why I ended up here," she told him wrapping his jacket closer around herself. She was feeling pretty sorry for herself at the moment.

"Everything is going to be okay," he told her shifting closer over next to her putting his arm around her letting her rest her head on his shoulder, "We are going to figure this all out."

"I'm so glad that I came here. I was wrong when I thought that I only had my friend Angela to turn to. I have you too," she let him know, letting down her guard and as she did the uncertain tension left her body allowing her to melt into him. It felt amazing to be this close to another person. Affection was not something she was used to.

"Bella?" he whispered causing her to lift her head up to look at him, "I don't want to be your friend though," he informed her and this time he didn't ask as he bent down to claim her mouth.

She knew she still had to be asleep caught up in some magical dream as the warmth from Jasper's body engulfed her. With the thought that this was only a dream, she didn't try to stop what was going on, but gave in to the sensations that were slowly exploding throughout her body.

He struggled to take it slow, but when she wrapped her arms around him deepening the kiss his self control slipped away as he pressed himself into her. It was like heaven to have her in his arms and he never wanted to leave.

She kept telling herself that this had to be a dream since she was kissing him like she knew how to kiss him and the truth was that she had never kissed a boy before. She just hoped that it was as amazing as this one. It was as if she was meant only to kiss these lips and his hers. They seemed to already know each other and their mouths were whispering secrets to each other.

Somewhere in the back of her brain she heard the sound of a phone ringing. Then she felt the warmth leave her as Jasper pulled away from her. The heat from his kisses remained as it felt like he had branded his mouth to hers causing her lips to tingle from the heated kisses. In that moment she realized that this was not a dream.

She looked over at him sitting no more than an inch away from her talking on his cell phone. His hair was messed up and his shirt was opened part way. She looked down at herself realizing that her own shirt was half undone. That shocked her as she had no memory of the buttons being undone.

Thank goodness for the call, she thought not knowing what else would have taken place if they had not been stopped. She could see his lips moving, but it was like she couldn't hear the words as her brain tried to focus. She could tell that it was not a friendly conversation as he closed his eyes and ran his hand through his already tussled hair. It was then that if he could tell that she was watching him that he opened his eyes and looked over at her, he smiled.

She wasn't sure if she smiled back since her whole body felt numb, yet at the same time she never felt more alive. She had no words to describe the raw emotions charging through her.

"Bella," he whispered next to her. She looked over at him and in that one look he knew that something was different in her. Whether it was regret, an awakening or something in-between he was not sure and it was scaring him.

"I…" she began, but stopped since she didn't know where to begin. She opened her mouth and then closed it. She repeated the motion once again and then she kind of laughed and then she smiled at him and he knew that it didn't matter what she said because he saw she was finally starting to let go and feel what he had felt the first second that he saw her.

Nothing else was said to each other in those last few hours of the night as he laid on the couch with her curled up next to him and that was okay. It was perfect in fact.

The next morning Bella woke up to find she was alone. Her first reaction was disappointment which spoke volumes to her. Even though she was scared and confused about what was going on with her and Jasper the fact of the matter was that she was excited and happy about it, too. It was as if a whole new world had been opened up to her and she was eager to explore it to its fullest.

Those few brief kisses had been amazing. She closed her eyes remembering how it had felt to have Jasper next to her with his lips making her feel things she didn't know how to describe. She tingled all over at just the memory.

"Good morning," Jasper said as he walked into the office to find Bella sitting up on the couch with her eyes closed smiling to herself. He hoped that she was thinking about him. He had not stopped thinking about her or the kisses that he could still taste.

"Oh," she replied, "Good morning," she said as her cheeks turned bright red. Good thing that he couldn't read her mind, but maybe he could as he flashed her a mischievous smile that just made her checks darken even more.

"I thought that you might be hungry so I got coffee and muffins."

"Thanks," she said taking the coffee.

"What are our plans for the day?" he questioned and watched as she realized that he had used the word ours. Her eyes flashed with surprise.

"I didn't know we had any," she said not knowing what to say to him or how to act around him. Things were different now or at least it was for her.

"We don't at the moment that is why I asked what you wanted to do," he questioned and felt that what happened next between them would define their relationship. There was this look across her face that hinted that she was struggling between the fight and flight emotions raging inside her. He feared that if he let her walk away now without cementing what happened last night that flight would win out.

"I'm not going to be able to do anything once I go back home and my dad kills me," she informed him. All thoughts of her father and the fight that had sent her running had been forgotten, until now. Now her anxiety over Jasper and what came next had her thinking that facing her father might not be so horrible. At least she knew what she faced with her father. Jasper was a mystery.

"Then don't go home," he told her like it was so easy.

"I have to. I mean my dad is probably already flipped and besides I have to shower and change clothes if nothing else which means going home, which means never seeing the light of day once I step foot back in that house," she explained.

"Call your dad and tell him you are fine and as for clothes and a shower well how about I go buy you a new outfit and then you can come over to my house shower, change and then we have the day to do whatever we want," he explained like it was nothing at all. To him it was. He lived his life based on one thought, go for it. No one ever got what they really wanted by playing it safe and playing by the rules. Well maybe they did, but they never had any fun doing it.

Her first instinct was to say no, but then she thought to herself that she did really want to spend the day with him. Once she did go home she wouldn't be allowed to see the light of day again for a very long time so she might as well go and at least enjoy one more day of freedom.

"I have just on question before I answer," she said.

"What is that?"

"When do we leave?" she smiled.

With a quick text message to her dad that just said that she was fine and would be home later; Bella turned off her cell phone and forgot about all that awaited her. Ten minutes later with a new outfit in hand, they headed over to Jasper's house to shower and start their day.

"I'll let you shower first," he told her once inside his very nice house, "Do you want a tour?" he asked when he saw her checking out the place. He wasn't use to having company.

"Sure," she said and was led around through a huge kitchen, dining room, living room, family room, three bedrooms, two baths, and a back yard that contained a gorgeous pool and hot tub. The whole place was beautifully and impeccably furnished. That being said it was also a little cold. There was nothing personal in his house. There were no pictures of friends and family.

"You have an amazing house," she said once they were back into the kitchen, which was the center attraction in the house, "You did a great job."

"Thanks, but I can take no credit for any of it. I had a decorator come in and do the whole thing for me before I ever got here. Honestly this place is way too big for me. I was planning to just rent an apartment or even camp out at the club for awhile, but my brother talked me into buying something. He told me he thought that it was about time that I called some place home and thought about settling down. I told him the same thing, but in the end he was right and here we are. There is clean towels in the bathroom so go ahead and when you are done I'll get ready and we can go and do something," he told her and wondered what she would have said if he had suggested that they took a shower together like he was thinking.

She looked amazing not more than fifteen minutes later when she emerged from the bathroom wearing a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt. She had pulled her hair up into a ponytail and she looked so very young and sweet. None of his thoughts were though.

"You look perfect. Do you know how beautiful you are?" he told her. He just wished he could show her just how beautiful she really was. She just did not get that about herself.

"Thank you," she said blushing at his compliment.

"I'll go get ready now. Make yourself at home, have whatever you want to eat or drink, watch TV, check your email, my house is your house," he explained to her and was quickly gone back into his room. A half an hour later he came walking out.

"You took longer than me," she laughed and then added, "Oh but you look so cute," she smiled at him. He was wearing dark jeans, a vintage tee-shirt, and black cowboy boots. He looked really good she thought. Her next thought was 'I want to kiss him'.

"Well I am glad that you approve," he told her and thought that there never had been anyone special in his life that he felt like taking the time to go out and try to impress. The women that he had been spending his time with were not the type of women that you went out on a date with.

"So what do you have in mind for our big date?" she asked in the most ingenuous way and because of that he thought that it was best if he didn't tell her what he really wanted to be doing was spreading her over his bed and kiss her like he had kissed her last night and then some. Instead he smiled and told her, "Let's just play it by ear."

Bella had a case of the giggles that she was sure was being caused by the glasses of wine that she had just drank. Jasper had given it to her with dinner that they had ordered and was now eating on the floor in front of his fireplace. It was very romantic, but she was sure that was the point.

The day had gone amazing. They had driven up to the lake, walked around hand and hand. They shared lunch overlooking the water. After that they had went to see a movie and strolled around window shopping where they ended up in a pet store. She had fallen in love with a Terrier puppy that was the cutest thing she had ever seen and the most expensive, it was like two thousand dollars. Jasper told her that he would buy it for her, but she told him no.

Now there they were having dinner and talking. It had all felt like a dream or a fairy tale. Honestly it had been the best day of her life. She never wanted it to end, but she was afraid that midnight was nearing and her carriage was about to turn back into a pumpkin.

"So what do you feel like doing now?" Jasper questioned. The day with her had been amazing. Yet it had slipped away far too fast and he was not ready to let her go. He didn't think that he was ever going to be ready for that.

"As much as I hate to say it, I believe I have to go home and face the music with my dad. I am sure that he has called the FBI by now," she tried to laugh off the thought, but it was truer that he knew. She grabbed her purse and pulled out her phone that she had turned off earlier and forgotten about until now, "See 50 missed calls and that is just because I don't think my phone holds more than that," she told him seeing that 90% was from her dad and 10 % from Angela. She was in so much trouble. Well worth the trouble she thought. The memories from the last 24 hours would be enough to get her through her long months of punishment.

"What is a few more hours?" he dared to ask her.

"I know that you are right in the grand scheme of it, but I have already pushed my father farther than I ever have and I know how he has reacted to some really small things and well this is not small," she explained to him taking the last drink of her wine.

"But you have been drinking and you don't want to drive, do you?" he asked, knowing that he had found an out for her. Anything to keep her there with him.

"Crap, you are so right. Now what am I going to do? I guess you could drive me home and I could get my car later or I could call Angela considering she does owe me or…"

"Or you could just stay here with me until tomorrow and deal with all the drama then. Your dad will be at work and it gives you a few more hours of freedom," he told her grabbing her phone out of her hand and helping her up, "Let's go lie down and talk. If after a little bit when the wine has wore off you want to go home you can. I mean do you really want your dad knowing that you were drinking on top of it all?"

"I know you are right," she agreed thinking that the last thing she needed was her dad knowing about her drinking. All the rest was enough to get her capital punishment.

Upon following him to the back of the house into his bedroom she started to think that she might be getting herself in a lot more trouble than a glass of wine. Her heart started to race. Her hands felt clammy and her throat felt too dry.

"I can't help you out with any pajama's since I don't sleep in any, but I have a tee-shirt that you can change into," he handed her a white cotton shirt and when she didn't move, he motioned her towards his bathroom. She smiled and headed in.

Quickly she stripped out of her clothes and let the soft fabric fall over her body. She felt very exposed even though the shirt hung down almost to her knees. She was petrified to go out there with him. What was going to happen? What was he expecting to happen? What did she want to happen? There were too many uncertain thoughts racing through her brain. Hiding in the bathroom wasn't going to answer any of them she thought as she took a deep breath. When she emerged from the bathroom Jasper was already in his massive bed wearing no shirt and she thought when he said he didn't wear pajamas that he didn't mean he didn't wear anything. Could a heart explode because hers felt like it might?

"I don't know what there is to watch on this thing, I never watch TV," he said as she walked slowly around the bed. It seemed like it took hours to make it around the huge bed and crawled in next to him. She didn't look at him, but she knew that he was watching her the whole time. It scared her, but excited her at the same time. She let out a sigh of relief when he pulled her closer to him and she could feel that he was wearing something under the covers.

He could feel her tremble under his hand and he knew that as much as he wanted to make love to her tonight, that she was not ready for that. It wasn't that she was just inexperience, but she was innocent to the core. He knew in time it would come, but for tonight just having her there in his bed, in his arms was more than enough. In fact this was really all he ever wanted he thought to himself. He could leave the clubs and the money behind, the big house and the nice cars. All he needed was this girl in his arms. It was a terrifying and liberating revelation.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Happy

Bella couldn't help but smile as she drove home the next morning. Not even the thought of facing her father could erase the happiness that filled her.

Falling for him she thought to herself… that was what she was doing. Maybe falling in love but she had never felt that emotion before so she didn't know if that was what this was. Then again she had never felt a lot of the emotions that Jasper had awaken in her. She felt free when she was with him and because she felt like that she was able to let herself soak up every single drop of life and all the feelings that came with it. It was if she was new to the world seeing it for the first time. It was as if she had been locked away her whole life and she had finally been let out into the sun to feel its warmth spill all over her soul, lighting a path that until now had been only lived in the shadows. She never wanted to go back into the shadows.

Okay as much as she said facing her father was not going to spoil her good mood the truth was when she pulled up to her house and saw her father's car in the drive way all thoughts of Jasper and joy left her. She knew this was going to be bad, massive was a better term. She prepared herself for the battle.

"Where the hell have you been?" her father screamed at her before the door was even closed all the way.

"I just needed some time to cool off. I just…" she said and thought to herself she didn't know what to say to him because the truth was she didn't feel like she should have to explain anything to him.

"You needed time to cool off…you needed time to cool off, I don't think so. You were the one running around in the middle of the night when you knew that you were supposed to be at home. I am the one who needed time to cool off after how you acted and talked to me. As for your little story of picking up Angela, she was talked to and she said that yes she did call you but no you didn't pick her up because she got a ride with someone else. So where were you really?" her father demanded.

"I did go to pick her up but she had gotten a ride with someone else so I just came back home. I didn't do anything wrong."

"And I'm sure that you think that running away from home for two days was okay too. Where were you? I want to know now and don't you dare lie to me and say that you were with Angela because she was talked to her and she said she hadn't seen you. And I did it officially just so you know," her dad let her know and Bella moaned inside at what her dad had done.

"You called your little cops friends to grill Angela. I can't believe you. I texted you and told you that I was fine and would be home later. You knew I was fine and you still called the cops. Are they out there looking for me right now?" she asked wondering how she was ever going to face Angela again.

"No. They told me that teenagers do this kind of stuff all the time and if you were not home by tonight to call back and we would file a report. Do you know what any embarrassment you are too me? What kind of fool do I look like not being able to control my own daughter?" he screamed at her.

"I'm eighteen…"

"I don't care. You know what you did was wrong," he accused and Bella thought yes maybe taking off was wrong but she had been pushed to it after years and years of having to deal with him.

"People make mistakes. You can't lock me away forever so that I never do something wrong because then all you have done is make me into a teenager who never was bad but an adult who never got to make a few bad decisions as a teenager and now as an adult does. I have to live life to know what is right and wrong. You haven't taught me how to know the difference only locked me away and told me what you wanted me to know, what you believe to be true. I don't believe that you have taught me anything but how I don't want to be," Bella confessed to her father and saw the rage start to boil up inside of him. She never talked back to him.

"It is always the parent's fault I know but let me tell you this you are lucky that you ended up with me as your father considering what kind of a person you are. I had to keep you locked away because from day one I could see what a little slut that you were going to turn out to be if I didn't do something about it," her father hissed at her causing Bella to drop her mouth in disbelieve.

"What are you talking about?" she demanded.

"You know what I am talking about and don't act all innocent. I saw how you acted with your own brother for the love of God. You always wanted to be with him kissing and hugging him. You even crawled into his bed to sleep with him. Only a whore does that," he spit at her with venom dripping from every horrible word.

"I loved my brother. There was nothing wrong or dirty about how I acted with him. I was five years old when I would go and sleep with him only because I had bad dreams and you told me to grow up instead of comforting me," she explained to her feeling physically sick from the disgusting accusations he had hurled at her.

"I know what I saw and I saw a slut. Just like I see one before me now. Tell me where you spent the last two nights," he demanded once again.

"No I don't have to tell you," she plainly said to him trying to keep herself from crying. She could not believe the things that her father had said to her. The repulsive lies that he had thrown at her stuck to her. How could her own father think those things of her?

"Yes you do," he screamed at her grabbing her by the arms and squeezing harder and harder until tears from the pain slipped from her eyes.

"Please stop! You are hurting me," she pleaded.

"Then tell me who you were with," he screamed right into her face, "Tell me…tell me now you little slut. You might as well tell me because I already know what you were doing. I can smell him all over you. You stink of your sins."

"Fine I was with a boy but I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't sleep with him like you think. I'm not a slut…" she told her through tears from not only the grip her father had on her but from the vile words that he had said to her.

"I knew it, I knew it…you are nothing but a whore. I always knew it. It is in your blood to be a whore. You make me sick. I can't even look at you. Go wash yourself. I can't stand the smell wrapped around you," he spit at her finally letting her go.

Bella stood there for a second with tears streaming down here face paralyzed by what her father had said to her. Nothing made sense. The more she thought about it the angrier she became until she lost it.

"I am done listening to you," she calmly said and watched as her dad spin around and with a rage that she had never seen came after her. His hand came up and slapped her so hard across the face that Bella felt her eardrum pop. She dropped down to her knees in pain and her father continued to beat on her. Blow after blow making contact with her whole body until Bella curled herself into the fetal position to protect herself. Once he was satisfied with the punishment that he had dealt Bella her father straighten up and calmly announced as if nothing had just happened, "I am going to work. You already caused me to miss half a day as it is. When I get home I expect you have cleaned yourself up and be in your room which you will be in for a long time."

Bella laid there weeping until she was sure that her father was gone and then somehow she managed to get herself up. Pain shot through her body from the abuse her own father had inflicted on her. With more strength than she knew she had she made her way up to her room and started to pack up her clothes and the few other things that meant anything to her. She loaded up her car and locked the door to a house that she was never going back to.

He was awoken by the sound of the doorbell ringing repeatedly. He rolled out of bed and rushed to get the door to stop the buzzing noise in his head. What time was it anyways he thought and who the hell was at his door anyways?

"What?" he answered and was shocked to see Bella standing there still wearing the clothes she had worn yesterday but looking very different.

"Oh my God what happened to you?" he whispered trying to get his heart to start beating again.

"Can I come in?" she asked pulling off her sunglasses to reveal more damage.

"Oh my God," he said taking her hand and pulling her inside.

"Are you okay? Do you need me to call a doctor or something?" he asked afraid to touch her in fear he would hurt her more.

"No, I'll be okay. Could I have a drink of water?" she asked trying to stay strong. She didn't want to break down and cry in front of him.

"Of course," he said heading over to get her a bottle of water and take a second to get himself in check. There were so many emotions running around inside of him that he was afraid that he was going to explode. All he wanted was to make sure that she was okay and know who had done this to her so that he could make them pay. The need to protect her kicked into overdrive.

Bella made her way through the house and over to the couch and sat down. Her legs felt weak and she knew that she needed to be sitting down when Jasper came at her with his questions.

"Here you go. Do you need anything else?" he asked looking at the finger marks that was embedded in the soft flesh of her arms. Her left eye was black and bruised probably from the hand that was printed across her face. There were other bruises and marks trailing over her arms, face, and he suspected hiding under her clothes.

"I'm fine, really," she told him like she told herself but really she wasn't. Tears lined her already red eyes. Pain shot through every part of her.

"What happened? Last thing I knew you were sleeping besides me in bed," he told her and he wanted to reach out and touch her but was afraid to. There didn't seem to be any place on her free of some kind of mark.

"I know. I woke up this morning and I knew that I had to get home even though I wanted to stay. I didn't think I could resist you tempting me to stay so I left you sleeping and left to go home. There is a note by the bed that I left for you explaining all that. Anyways when I got home my father was there waiting for me. He exploded on me upon entering the door, calling me all kinds of horrible names and telling me that I was a whore. He demanded to know where I was and I didn't want to tell him so he came after me. Once I finally told him that I had been with a guy he just went off the deep end. I think that he lost his mind. Then he told me to clean myself up before he got home from work and make sure that I was up in my room. I waited until he left and went upstairs and packed up my clothes and left. I am never going back there," she told him trying to keep the tears in place. She didn't want to cry anymore over someone that was not worth the tears.

"I'm calling the police," Jasper told her broken hearted over the hell that she must have gone through. His dad might have been a bastard but at least he never beat him. Her father better never cross his path because if he did well he would probably end up doing life for murder.

"NO… don't. I just want to be done with all this. I don't care about getting him in trouble or anything like that not that he probably would. Remember he is a cop? I just want to be free and now I am. So what if I got a few bumps and bruise in the process. I'll be fine," she told him seeing the hurt and concern in his face for her and that touched her in a special way. No one had ever looked at her like that. He was looking at her as if she was all that mattered.

"You are not fine and I don't know how to make that it fine for you," he said hurting for her as if it had happened to him. In fact the pain was more severe. He would happily take a thousand ass whippings to take away her pain.

"I didn't come here for that. I just didn't know who else to turn to," she said as she tried to control her emotions. It wasn't even from what her father had done to her but from the thought 'What am I going to do now?'

"Oh God baby,' he moaned feeling pain he had never felt before. He reached and out took her hand into his. He was feeling responsible for what had happened to her. Wasn't he the one who asked her to stay telling her what could happen?

"I only have until graduation until I get my trust. I could get a job and I might be able to stay with Angela until then," she rambled on moving pass what had happened to her and on to what she needed to do now. There was no reason to look back, only forward.

"Do you trust me?" he asked as a thought came quickly into his head taking over all other thoughts.

"It might be misplaced considering how long we have known each other but I trust you right now more than anyone else," she confessed to him honestly.

"Alright then," he said taking a deep breath and releasing it. When he did he jumped, "Come move in with me."

She barely reacted almost like she hadn't heard him correctly. In fact there was no way she had heard him right. And then she quietly said, "I don't think that is a good idea."

"Why not? I think it is the best idea that I have had in a very long time," he explained to her. Yes part of it was wanting her there with him. He had fallen for her in a way that he had never fallen before. It was completely different what was happening with her. It was amazing and real. He knew it was love and he knew that because more than he wanted her there with him he needed to protect her and keep her safe. He finally knew what the purpose of his life was… her.

"That is very sweet of you but…"

"This is a no strings attached offer," Jasper informed her,

"This house is way too big for me not to mention the fact that I'm at the club most of the time. You can have your own room and you don't have to worry about rent or money. I want to take care of you if you will let me."

He had this way of looking at her and making her believe that anything was possible if she only believed. Just believe that prince charming did exist and he could kiss her and puff happily ever after. All she ever wanted was that. It was all the girl locked away inside dreamed about.

"Okay," she simply said wanting to believe that, needing to believe that. She had nothing else to believe in.

"I promise you I'll never make you regret this decision," he told her as it started to sink in that she was finally his. He finally had everything he never knew he wanted…until now.

Bella was napping later that night when her cell phone started ringing. She picked it up knowing that it had to be Angela.

"Hi," she said smiling at the soft bed under her and the new room that surrounded her. Though her body was weary it felt like her soul had been reborn. She had been set free and Jasper was the one who opened the lock with a key she never knew existed. He set the girl free.

"Don't hi me. What the hell is going on with you? Do you know that your crazy ass dad sent the cops over to my house looking for you?"

"I am sorry about that," she told her going back to that hell for a moment.

"It is not your fault but where did you disappear to? I tried to call you like ten times and it just kept going to voice mail. And you haven't been in school. None of that is like you," she had a bad feeling about this. Something major had happened. She was starting to think that maybe the rumors she had started to hear about Bella might be true.

"I know. I got into a big fight with my dad the night I went to pick you up and by the way thanks for that considering you just took off with some guy anyways."

"Sorry but I tried to call you. I mean you really should keep that cell phone on. I this guy who is like nineteen and so hot. He is tall and blond and buff. He offered to give me a ride home and so I tried to call you knowing that your dad would probably flip but you didn't answer so I asked his friend to stay and give you the message. His friend was kind of cute too, right? I thought that he was more your type than mine. I could get his number if you want?" Angela said going on one of her rants totally losing focus.

"That's okay but no thanks," she said thinking back to the guy at the party. He had been cute and had the most amazing eyes but he wasn't Jasper. No one was Jasper.

"I know your dad right? He must have went ape shit when you got home. You never did tell me where you were."

"That is because you won't be quiet."

"Then just tell me to shut up."

"Angela, shut up," she laughed and then went on to tell her about what had happened, "Like I said my dad and I got into a fight and I just had enough of him and walked out. There is just so much one person can take and at that moment I had my fill. So I was going to come over to your house but you were not home of course…" she told her and then stopped.

"So where did you go?" she questioned knowing that she didn't have any other friends and no family. It was then she knew something was going on with her.

"The thing is I've been kind of seeing someone."

"Holy shit, wait a minute. What do you mean that you have been seeing someone? Who, when? I totally knew it," she questioned stunned. The rumors were true.

"The guy from the club. I have been seeing him since then. I wanted to tell you but I was afraid that it would somehow get back to my father."

That explained a lot. She knew something had been going on with her but when the whispers started about Bella sneaking off with some guy she found it impossible to believe. Even when she confronted Bella she had convinced her that none of it was true.

"He's too old for you and…"

"He's only twenty-four."

"Six years older then you and a lifetime more experience."

"Jasper is not like that at all. He has been nothing but sweet to me."

"I know and that is because he is working you right now. You just don't know how guys work," she told her thinking that Bella was in way over her head.

"You don't know him or how he works," she defended.

"So is that where you disappeared to?" she asked telling that she was not going to get through to her about this guy. She had already fallen and nothing she had to say was going to change her mind. She had been there before. It never ended good.

"After the fight with my dad I was going to ask you to stay there for the night but when you were not home I headed over the club with Jasper. We spent the night on the couch in his office together. The next morning he asked me to spend the day with him and I said yes. Day turned to night…"

"You have been spending the night with him? No wonder your dad flipped," she said amazed at the change in her. This was not the girl she knew.

"Yeah but nothing happened at all. We didn't even kiss or anything. He was a complete gentleman. Then today I got up earlier and headed home to find my dad waiting for me. He totally freaked out and said and did some bad things. It was a nightmare. I left. I am never going back there again. I was going to ask you to stay over there until I figured things out," she told her not telling her the details of what her dad had said and done to her. There was no reason to go over that again.

"Of course you can stay here. I'm so glad that you finally are away from that nut case. Are you going to come over now?" Angela asked wondering where Bella was going to put her clothes since she was not about to give up half her closet.

"No. I said I was going to but I don't have to now. Jasper said I could stay here with him. He has this huge, beautiful house and I have my own room."

"Are you nuts? You just moved in with a guy that you barely know who is like a hundred years older than you. What were you thinking?" Angela asked not believing that she was talking to Bella. Something just wasn't right. This was not the girl she knew. She was acting completely out of the norm.

"I know this all seems strange and sudden but Jasper is a great guy and I really like him. More than that I trust him and feel safe with him. You haven't even met him so don't judge him and this situation."

"I am just worried about you. You don't know what you are getting yourself into. I think that you wanted to get out of your dad's house so bad that you are jumping into this. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know but you have to let me if that is what happens. I can't live my life anymore like my dad had me scared of everything, thinking that every step I take is the wrong one and that I am doing the wrong thing. What ever happens from this moment on good or bad it is my life. Just be happy for me. I am happy for the first time in my life."


	5. Chapter 5

I own nothing.

CHAPTER FIVE

It Just Looks Bad

Over the next months everything in her life was perfect. For the first time in her life she was happy. More like she was ecstatic, elated, and most of all content. She felt like she was walking on clouds. She felt like she was Cinderella and the shoe fit and her prince charming had found her and she finally was going to live happily ever after.

Being with Jasper had made her life complete. No he had given her a life. That sounded so cheesy but it was true. Before that night when he kissed her and told her how he felt it was as if she was just walking blindly through her life not living at all. Now everyday was full of love. He filled her with life. She finally had someone who wanted her, someone who loved her. Well he hadn't said those words yet but she wanted to believe that he did. When he looked at her she was sure that she saw love there. She didn't have to hear him say it to feel it.

Plus being there in his house with him made her feel like she had a home. She had somewhere to belong. Even though she had her own room it didn't get any use other than a place to hang her clothes. She slept every night with Jasper or at least the few hours that he was in bed with her.

The club had finally opened and already was a huge success. It was the new IT place to be and had a line outside it every night. That meant though that Jasper spent a lot of hours at the club and a lot of those were late. It was usually around three when he climbed into bed next to her.

School was almost out. Prom was in two days and then graduation was two weeks after that. Bella couldn't wait to be finished with school to have more free time to spend with Jasper. It was so hard to pull herself out of bed at seven in the morning to go off to school.

As for her dad, she hadn't heard a word from him since the day Bella left and he hadn't tried to call her either. As far as she was concerned she had no father and it had always been pretty clear that she was never a daughter to her father because no father could ever say or do the things he had done. It was one relationship that was over and done with and everyone concerned was happy about it.

"Boo…" came a voice behind her and she jumped.

"You scared the crap out of me," she told him as she felt her heart beating a million miles an hour and she wasn't sure if that was from her scare or just from him. He seemed to have that effect on her normally.

"I called your name twice but you were off in la la land. What was going on in that pretty little head of yours?" he asked sitting down next to her on the couch. He took her hand into his and she smiled at the small jester that meant so much to her. That was how he was though. He always went out of his way to tell her how beautiful she was and special. He made her feel like she was the most important person the world to him. She never doubted his feelings for her. She knew how much he cared about her. She also knew how much she cared about him. It was scary to think how important he had become to her. She could not imagine not having him in her life.

"Nothing important, I was just thinking about prom and graduation and all that. Angela is giving me grief about not going to prom." The truth was Angela had been giving her nothing but grief since she moved in with Jasper. Every chance she got she felt the need to tell her what a mistake she was making with her life.

"Why are you not going to prom? That is a big night," he asked.

"I have never gotten to go to any school dances and I have lived through it. It is not really my thing anyways, wasting money on a dress, shoes, tickets, and so on. I would much rather spend the night with you," she told him with a smile.

"Are you sure because I don't want you to miss something that you might regret later," he asked her. He hadn't gone to his prom but he had barely gone to school back then. But girls were different about that type of things. While he might not ever think to himself that he wished that he had went to prom she might look back and wish that she had went. He wanted to make sure that she had no regrets about anything when it came to him and this relationship.

"No, I'm good with this decision. Not that I'm complaining but how come you are home? I thought that you were going to be stuck at work until closing."

"I forgot some papers. I just came home to pick them up," he told her rubbing her hand with his.

"You could have just called me and I would have bought them over to you."

"I know but this way I got to come home and spend a few minutes alone with you."

"Oh I see where you head was," she told him but the truth of the matter was that they hadn't gotten to that point yet. She knew that was for her benefit. She understood that if she said to him she wanted to they would be in the bedroom right this minute making love. The truth was that it wasn't that she didn't want to be with him it was just that she was scared. Kind of like her first kiss. She knew it would change everything.

"I like how you think but I just wanted to drop off dinner to you and see how your day was," he told her thinking that she was going to freak when she saw what he had really come home for.

"Thank you but you realize that I can cook or even run out and get something for myself if I wanted to. And we talked three times today and texted about ten."

"Well I see how it is, bored with me already," he told her getting up acting all hurt.

"I was just joking with you. You know that any time that we can spend together makes me happy. Come on, did you bring home enough for us to eat together before you go back to work?" she asked getting up to follow him into the bedroom where he had headed to.

"Jasper..." she called thinking that he couldn't really be hurt by what she had said. Could he?

"Jasper…" she said again as she entered the room to find him sitting on the bed with a box wrapped in a red bow.

"Surprise!" he yelled, "This was really why I came home. I just got this for you and couldn't wait to give it to you," he smiled like he was the one getting a present.

"You know you can stop buying me things, I promise that I will still like you," she joked with him.

"I know but I like making you happy," he explained to her.

"You do that all by yourself," she whispered to him giving him a kiss that told him that as nice as the clothes, flowers, jewelry, and so on was that he had already given her all she really needed which was him.

"Well I'm glad to hear that since that is how I feel about you. Let's just say that this is just something to keep you company when I'm not here with you," he told her and as if on queue the box barked.

"What was that?" Bella asked, startled.

"Open it and find out," he smiled when he saw her eyes light up as she slowly opened the box to find that puppy she had wanted from the pet store that first day that they had went out. He had planned to get it for her sooner but the puppy had been too young to leave its mother until now.

"Oh my gosh. You got me my puppy," she smiled picking it up kissing it, "I can't believe that you really got me my puppy. Do you know how much money he cost? You shouldn't have…" she told him but there was no way that she was giving it back.

"One of your smiles is worth all the money in the world. So do you like your surprise?" he asked.

"I love it. You are the sweetest person ever," she told him but her attention was focused on the dog.

"Well I better get back to work. I'll call you later, alright?"

"Okay," she said putting the puppy down on the bed so she could wrap her arms around him and kiss him, really kissed him.

"Damn, I'll have to get you a whole litter of puppies," he smiled as he told her good-bye even though all he wanted was to stay there with her. Being a part from her was like torture.

All that had mattered to him in a very long time was work and proving to a man that was no longer alive that he was good enough. That he would make this huge success out of a life that his father had told him was useless. That need had filled him and left him empty for so long. Then there were the times when he let that little voice in his brain take over telling him that his father was right and he would never be anything. He had done some stupid, rash things in those moments. Now suddenly things were different. He no longer cared about any of that. All that mattered to him was her. He finally realized that his life would never be a success or worth anything if he didn't have her in it. Life was not about what you had or what you did but whom you had to love and who loved you.

He was exhausted when he came home. Normally three in the morning felt like what five in the afternoon did to everyone else but tonight he just couldn't wait to get into bed. All he wanted was to be next to her as he fell asleep.

He threw his jacket on the chair quickly stripping off the rest of his clothes crawled in next to her. He smiled when he saw her sound asleep with the dog curled up next to her face. Even the dog loved her instantly.

Instead of falling asleep like he thought he would do the minute his head hit the pillow he found himself watching her sleep. It wasn't the first time. In fact he had woken up that very first night that she stayed there and just watched her sleep for hours. She was so beautiful and peaceful. It was like watching an angel. Now he found himself doing that a lot, just watching her as she slept. He could not believe how much this girl had changed his life. Nothing mattered but being with her.

"Hi," she said through sleepy eyes about an hour later when the dog started moving around.

"Hi…" he smiled at her brushing the hair from her face.

"Did you just get home?" she questioned, petting the puppy to get him to settle back down.

"No, I've been home for awhile now. I was just laying here thinking."

"What were you thinking about?" she asked, starting to wake up. It wasn't abnormal for her to be awaken by him when he got home and them to spend the rest of the night talking and kissing. She rolled over and propped herself up on her elbow giving him a sleepy smile.

"How beautiful you are," he told her like he always did and then added something that he had felt inside from the start but was yet to express to her, "And I was just thinking about how I've fallen in love you and how bad I want to make love to you," he let slip out even though he hadn't planned on telling her that last part. He didn't want to overwhelm or scare her. He had wanted to make love to her since the moment they met but he had let her set the pace. As hard as it was to lie next to her every night, to kiss and hold her he was going to wait until she was ready. He just needed her to know how he was feeling. Keeping it inside any longer was not possible.

"Jasper…" she breathed as the words hit her sucking the air out of her lungs. Tears formed in her eyes as the emotions shot through her.

"That wasn't meant to make you cry," he told her shoeing the dog away from her to be able to take her into his arms, "I…" he started to say but there was no going back now. He had said it and he had meant it.

"I'm not crying because I am upset. I think that they are just happy tears. I love you too," she let out. She had wanted to tell him that for awhile now but was afraid to be the first to say it. What if he didn't feel the same?

"You love me?" he questioned as if her loving him would be a miracle. When he had said it to her he had not said it in hopes of a response but in the need to finally let her know how he really felt about her.

"I think that I have for awhile now but was afraid to let myself go there in fear that you didn't feel that way. I was thinking that it was too soon and that what I was feeling wasn't real. I've never been in love before."

"Trust me it is real. Nothing has even been more real than what I feel for you. There have been other women in my life but I have never felt for them what I feel for you, not even close. You are the first women that I have ever loved and the last. I want to spend my life with you making you happy," he confessed to her.

"You sure know how to take a girls breath away," she told him not sure how to express everything she was feeling. It felt like she was caught up in a tornado and everything was swirling faster and faster around her.

"That is funny because you have been taking my breath away since the moment that I saw you. I never want to know what life would be like without you. I know this may all feel like it is happening too fast but once you have found what you have been waiting your whole life for it is hard to go slow," Jasper explained to her claiming her lips with his. She trembled all over as the emotions raged through her and a need to be closer to him.

"I want you to make love to me," she whispered to him with innocent eyes that pierce his soul. It had taken all her courage to say those words to him. There was no going back she thought and she didn't think she wanted to. This was what she wanted.

"Are you sure because there is no rush? I don't want you to do this because you think I expect it or…" he told her as he held his breath praying that she didn't chance her mind. His body was already reacting to her words.

"I want to be with you. I want to know how it feels to be really loved by you," she told him. She needed to be with him completely. It was what she wanted more than anything.

Jasper didn't question her further as he gathered her up into his arms. He wanted this to last forever. He wanted her to feel how amazing it felt to make love. He wanted her to know the way he could make her feel. He wanted to make her come undone.

For a long time all they did was kiss. Slow soft kisses, long deep kisses, intense mind-blowing kisses. They had been here before so she knew this part. She liked this part. However, what came next was all new to her and she didn't know what to do or what to feel. Yet Jasper knew just where to touch her to leave her breathless and weak inside. He knew just what to do take her from one level of pleasure to another.

He was afraid. He was afraid of hurting her. He knew that this was her first time. He had never been with a virgin before. Even his first time had been with an experienced girl.

He knew that he should go slowly now but there was no force on this earth to stop what was raging up inside him. He had to have her. He stripped the white tee-shirt she had on in one fast movement to reveal she was naked under it and his mind spun.

"God you are beautiful," he told her as his hands set out to touch everything that his eyes saw. He couldn't get enough of her as she trembled beneath him. "Open your eyes Bella, I want you to see and feel everything," he whispered against her ear as a completely new set of sensations ripped through her. It was like being touched by the sun she thought as waves of pleasure engulfed her.

All she could hear in the stillness of the night was the sound of their two hearts beating. Her skin quivered under his fingers as he touched her. Anticipation of what came next was overwhelming.

Barking woke her from a sound sleep. She tried to block it out but the noise didn't stop and finally she opened her eyes.

"Do you need to go pee-pee?" she said to the excited puppy jumping up and down on the floor next to the bed.

"Okay, let's go," she said as she got out of bed she realized that she was naked and all the events of the night before flooded her brain at once. She blushed and then groaned and wondered how she was going to face him. Everything was different now. They had said they loved each other and they made love. This was no longer some casual thing. Not that it ever had been to her. More barking told her that her own thoughts were going to have to wait. She grabbed Jasper's shirt and went to take the dog out. Once that was done she gave him something to eat and sat down to think.

Last night had been amazing she thought. Once the fear and pain was gone the things that they did had made her world spin out of control. She didn't know it was possible to feel that way but Jasper had made her. She knew that she should feel ashamed or embarrassed or something a long those lines but all she felt was transformed. She felt like a woman full of emotions and desires. He had awakened that in her and she longed to feel all that again. Maybe her dad was right all a long, she was a whore. Good girls didn't think this way.

"There you are," a sleepy Jasper said coming out to find her curled up on the couch, writing.

"Baby had to go pee-pee," she said with a smile that hoped showed him that she was okay, no regrets. She sat her journal aside and thought the events of the most amazing night of her life were going to have to wait until later.

"You named the dog Baby?" he questioned.

"What's wrong with that? He is my little baby. Thank you again for him. It is the sweetest thing that anyone has ever done for me."

"I'm glad. What time is it anyways?" he asked yawning. Neither seemed to want to talk about what had happened last night. Yet the night would be engrained in his soul for a lifetime. Nothing had ever come close to what they shared.

"Around ten."

"Don't you have school today, it is Friday right?"

"Yeah it's Friday but we have the day off because it is prom tomorrow. Next week we have exams and then the week after is graduation."

"Good then we have all day to spend together. How about we go shopping and have lunch and make plans to have a nice romantic dinner," he smiled and she thought that he was like the first guy she ever knew like to go shopping.

"You in the shower and I'll make some coffee," he announced thinking that he really just needed to sleep. Trying to keep up with the club and Bella was wearing him out. Something was going to have to give and he already knew what that was going to be, the club.

"How about we just take a shower together?" she asked in a way that she never had before. Last night had changed her and set her free. Suddenly all she wanted was for him to make her feel like he had last night. Tingling started to happen all over her as thought about him touching her.

"I'm right behind you," he laughed chasing her into the bedroom. It might be a late lunch he thought as he caught her and they crashed down on the bed together.

They had just finished lunch and like he had thought it was a late lunch. That was okay though because he liked what he had for breakfast. He smiled to himself. He could not explain what he was feeling. Nothing in his life could have prepared him for what it had felt like to make love to Bella. It was far from his first time but it was the first time he ever made love and not just had sex. Up until than he never knew the difference.

"So where do you want to go shopping?" Bella said thinking that what she really needed was a nap. She was worn out.

"I don't know let's just go walk around the mall and see what we see," he told her taking her hand into his as they strolled around.

They walked around for awhile, window shopping, laughing, and having a good time. They had just come out of one store when they ran into Angela.

"I thought that was you," she said coming up behind her.

"Oh hi, what are you doing here?" she asked thinking that was a stupid question for Angela. She was also thinking that Angela hadn't met Jasper yet and now she would. Even though they had been together for awhile now the truth was that her and Angela hadn't really been spending too much time together lately. She had Jasper, Angela had her new guy, and well they had drifted apart.

"I had to pick up my shoes for prom tomorrow. What about you, did you change your mind about going and are here to get a dress?" Angela asked thinking that Bella was stupid to think about missing senior prom because of some guy. She was finally free of her dad and now she was just with some guy that was controlling her life. She didn't say that to her though but she wanted to and that was one of the reasons that they hadn't talked so much lately.

"No," just then Jasper came walking up to her having finished the call he had gotten right before Angela walked over.

"Is this the infamous Angela?" Jasper asked with a smile. He wondered when he was going to meet her. She was suppose to be Bella's best friend and yet she was never around. He didn't know if it was because she didn't want to be or if Bella didn't want her to be.

"Angela this is Jasper, Jasper Angela," she said and waited.

"Nice to meet you finally. I have heard a lot about you," he smiled at her trying to play nice.

"I've heard a lot about you too," Angela told him disliking him more now that she had seen him. He just wasn't the type of guy that she saw Bella with. He was too old and too sleazy she though. It was true that he had money though she thought as she scanned what he was wearing and the expensive watch he was wearing. That to her just made it seem like he was this old guy using his money to get a hot young girl. All he has was a sugar daddy.

"Well I better go. I have a ton of stuff to do before tomorrow. I'll talk to you later, okay?" Angela told her and was quickly gone.

That had not gone to good. She knew that Angela wasn't going to like Jasper but she hadn't thought that she would be so rude to him.

"What have you been telling that girl about me? She was shooting flames of fire at me," he told her.

"Nothing but good things. She is just upset that we don't get to see each other that much anymore."

"Well I can't say that I wouldn't hate anyone who took you away from me."

"You never have to worry about that one," Bella told him.

"Do you really mean that?" he asked thinking that was all he wanted in this world was to have this woman by his side for the rest of his life. He would do anything to make that happen.

"Of course I do. You are the reason my life means anything and I could never imagine not having you in it."

"That is all I wanted to know," he said and thought to himself that he knew what he had to do to make that happen, "How about you go in this next store and pick out a dress for tonight?" he told her needing a few minutes to himself. There were some things he had to take care of.

"I don't know. I really don't need any more clothes."

"Go on, I have a few calls to make and then we can go do more shopping."

"Alright. When you are done you come back and get me," she told him and she heading into the shop and Jasper off into the crowd.

She was irritated beyond believe already before she finally found him. She had been sitting there for like an hour waiting for him until she decided to go looking for him. Call after call to his cell phone met her with nothing but his voice mail. Five text messages were left unanswered and now he was in a store smiling at another girl. If that wasn't bad enough she saw him hand her his number.

"Is this that you had to talk to?" she asked, not waiting for an answer she starting to walk away. She was so hurt.

"Baby, what is wrong?" he asked trying to keep up with her. But he already knew. It looked real bad what she had seen.

"I don't want to talk about it. I just want to go home. Can you do that for me?" she demanded. She couldn't believe that only last night he had told her he loved her and they had…she couldn't even think about that.

He didn't try to talk to her farther and did as she asked and kept his distance as they made their way out to his car and drove home in silence. A slam of the car door told him that she had not cooled off yet and he just shook his head and let her storm into the house and into her room.

Three hours later when she still hadn't come out of the room he couldn't take it any more and dared to knock on her door.

"Yes…" she said in a calm voice.

"Are you planning on coming out here at all tonight? I thought that we were going to have dinner together before we headed over to the club."

"I'm not hungry," she let him know from behind the close door, "Let me know when you are leaving."

Fuck, he thought. This was not how he thought the night was going to go. He had messed up big time without even really doing anything. It was one of those things that just looked wrong.

"Are you sure?" he asked again hoping for a different answer.

"Yes."

Now what? Plan B he thought as he tried to figure out what that exactly was going to be.

Jasper was just walking out of the bedroom ready to go into work when she finally emerged from her room.

"Are you going into work now?" she asked the cold shoulder still in place.

"Yeah, are you coming?"

"I don't think so."

"Can we talk about what happened earlier?" he asked walking up to her only to have her quickly move away.

"Not much to talk about. You left me sitting there for an hour, wouldn't answers my calls and what do I find only after I went looking for you, you talking to another girl. If that wasn't bad enough I saw you give her your number."

"I'm sorry. It wasn't like it appeared though. I was talking to her about business. She was helping me with something. I really am sorry. I'll make it up to you," he told her thinking that he just needed to tell her what he really had been doing and then she would understand.

"What are you going to buy me now? I already told you that I don't need or want things from you; all I wanted was you."

"Don't talk like it is in the past. I would never lie to you or do anything in this world to hurt you. Listen the reason I was gone was that I was…" he began to tell her but his cell phone started ringing. He went to turn it off but noticed that it was from his brother and thought that he had to take it. The quicker he got out here the fast he could cut back on his time at the club. He really needed to have more time with Bella.

"Don't move…this will take two minutes."

"Don't worry about it. Take your time…must be more important than me," he heard her say.

"You picked a real bad time to finally decide to call. I don't hear from you in weeks and now of all times you call me," Jasper told him knowing that any headway that he had made with Bella was gone.

"Sorry man, bad time huh? The club?" he asked.

"No something else. Anyways what is going on? Last time I heard from you things were not going so well. Did you finally get the mess with the club sorted out?" Jasper asked him thinking the last thing he needed was another worry on his brain.

"All taken care of. The money is in the bank and we are free and clear of this place. There is another problem though that has come up."

"I don't want to know. Just take care of it. I have enough to handle here," he told him.

"I would but the thing is…" he started to tell him only to be stopped.

"Shit…I have to call you back," he told him hanging up the phone as he heard Bella grab her keys. She was gone before he could catch her.

He tried to call her but as pay back she didn't answer her phone. How had he gotten himself into this mess? Even when he thought he was doing all the right things he somehow found a way to mess things up. With her not answering her phone and no idea where she could be going he reluctantly headed over to the club.

The club was starting to fill up but the real partying wouldn't start for a few hours. Most people didn't even get there until eleven. He needed to get out of this line of business. This was no life for a man who wanted to have a life and that was what he wanted more than anything, a life with her. The only problem was he didn't know how to do anything else.

He tried to call her most of the night but she refused to answer. He couldn't keep his mind on business. As a matter if fact he didn't really care about business at all right now. So he did something he had never done before, he left work and went home to find her and talk to her.

Relieve poured over him when he pulled up to the house and her car was parked in the driveway. At least she was home and he could talk to her and make her understand what had happened.

When he got inside he found that she was not asleep in his bed like usual but had locked inside her room. He knocked but she didn't answer. He went looking for a drink.

She had cried herself to sleep last night. She was so hurt. Her heart felt not only broken but completely destroyed. Why had he done this to her? Her only answer was he didn't love her. Angela had been totally right. He had been playing her until he got what he wanted. She was such a fool.

She figured that Jasper would be asleep by now and she wanted to get out of there before he woke up. She still didn't know how she was going to handle this. She had two choices, one to forgive him and try to move past it or two tell him good-bye. Neither would be easy to do. One seemed impossible.

"Baby…" Jasper said. He was sitting up at the island in the kitchen with a bottle of liquor in front of him. It was clear that he was drunk.

"What are you doing?" she asked taking the bottle away from him and dumping it down the sink, "Do you think that drinking is going to solve anything?"

"I'm so sorry," he told her again, nearly falling off the chair.

"You need coffee," she informed him and for the moment she forgot about her hurt and started to take care of him.

"You have to listen to me," he says, "That girl was just a girl. I was talking to her about doing something for me for you. I only got her number so I could call when it was a good time to come in to get the work done. Can you see how much I love you and what it is doing to me to think that I might lose you?" he asked slurring his words.

She did see the hurt in his eyes and she felt her own in her heart. So she picked choice one. She told him she forgave him. The truth was she did believe him. She could look into his eyes and see that he did love her and whatever else she had seen was just one of those things that just looked bad no matter what. It was just that seeing him talking to another girl had instantly hurt her and she was scared of losing him. She had totally overreacted. She knew Jasper loved her and she loved him and that was all that mattered.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

Family Affairs

Bella was never so happy or relieved. She had just taken that long anticipated walk to get her diploma. She was finally done with school. She was finally free. No more classes, no more test, no more early mornings, and as of the last few months no more stares and whispers behind her back. Somehow and by somehow she meant Angela it had gotten out about her dating Jasper. It was as if everyone had something to say about it and today was no different when he showed up hand and hand with her. She didn't care anymore though. She was beyond caring who knew and in return what they thought.

"I keep having this little fantasy about the graduate and the school teacher who now that she is no longer his student lifts her up on the desk slowly running his hand up her leg to find that she is wearing nothing under her graduation gown," Jasper whispered to her when she walked over to him.

"Stop that," she whispered back at him. The image flashed through her mind and she felt herself turn red but that was only because she was thinking that his idea had some real merit. Too bad they had to return their graduation gowns.

"You like it and you know it," he informed her, giving her a kiss just as Angela, his biggest fan walked over.

"Bella…" she said in a pissed off tone. That was the only tone that she had with her anymore when she talked to her which was less and less.

"Can you believe that we are finally finished with school? I thought this day would never come," she said trying to keep the peace today.

"Listen there is going to be a party later tonight to celebrate and it would be really nice if you could come," Angela told her and wanted to say but don't bring him with you.

"Thanks for the offer but I already have plans with Jasper. Maybe next time," she told her.

"It's not like you don't spend enough time with him. You could for once come and hang out with me and people your own age," she shot at her.

"Angela that is not fair and you know it. It isn't like you have called me either. This has nothing to do with Jasper," she told her and thought that the last thing she wanted was to get into this with her there with everyone listening on.

"It has everything to do with him. You have changed since you started seeing him and not for the better. And the sad part of it all is that you can't see what everyone else sees and that this guy who is basically preying on you."

"That is enough. You might be my friend but that gives you no right to say whatever you want to me and especially Jasper. You don't know a thing about him," she hissed at her not believing that Angela was pulling this today of all days in front of all of these people.

"Someone has to tell you and when this whole thing falls apart don't come running to me because I'm over this. As far as I'm concerned as long as you are with him we are not friends and maybe even after that," Angela told her walking away leaving Bella in the middle of hundreds of eyes staring at her and Jasper. She could feel her whole body turn red from embarrassment. All she wanted to do was run and hide.

"Let's get out of here," he told her grabbing her hand and walking away. He had wanted to tell that girl what he thought of her and her opinions about him and Bella but he had held his tongue not wanting to call any more attention.

Bella was quiet the ride home and when they did get home she went into her room to change but it was nearly an hour later and she was still in there. He wanted to go see if she was alright but instead he let her have her space. He knew she was hurting.

Bella knew that she had to go face Jasper but she really didn't want to talk about what had happened earlier with Angela. She had made it pretty clear that she wanted nothing to do with her anymore. After all that they had been through she was shocked to think that her getting a boyfriend would be the end of their friendship. But at the same time she knew Angela was right about the fact that she had changed. She was no longer the girl she had been and Angela probably didn't know how to deal with her now. As much as it hurt to think that they were not going to be friends any more Bella knew that there was no way that she was going to give into Angela's demand. She was over having someone control her life.

Jasper was wondering if he should go talk to Bella. He knew that she was upset but at the same time this was not how he planned on spending the night. He threw himself on the couch and moved quickly when something poked him. He reached into the side of the couch only to pull out Bella's journal.

He knew that he should just stick it back in there and pretend that he hadn't found it but curiosity got the best of him. He opened the cover to the first page that was dated the day they ran into each other at Starbucks.

"_Remember the guy I told you about from the other night that fixed my flat tire well I ran, literally ran into him today getting coffee. He spilled his coffee all over me and burnt me with his cigarette but in the end it was all worth it. He is going to come to school tomorrow to see me. Well at least he told me he was. Part of me believes that he might not show up. God I hope that he does. He is so amazing in so many ways. He has these eyes and a way of looking at me with them that makes me want to say yes to any question he asks me. Update tomorrow."_

"_He showed and we spent lunch together. He gave me a cell phone so we can talk freely to each other. Then he asked me if I wanted him to kiss me and you know what I said, no. What was I thinking? I really did want him to kiss me but I was scared. I sure hope he asks again." _

"_He asked to see me and I skipped school to spend the day with him. It was amazing. He asked to kiss me again and this time I said yes only for us to be interrupted. No kiss. I think we were not meant to share a kiss. Then he said all these things to me about us belonging together and freaked me out. He seems so sure as to where I am so unsure about everything. I don't know what is going to happen with us, if anything. I'm not sure that I'm ready for everything that he wants. I'm just not sure and shouldn't I be? If he really is the one shouldn't I be?"_

"_I met a boy tonight. I went to pick up Angela at a party because she had been drinking too much. My dad was at work which was why I was able to leave the house. Anyways she ended up getting a ride with someone else and left this boy, Edward there to tell me. He was so cute. Like the cutest boy I had ever seen. He had these eyes and this crooked smile that easily could have melted my heart. And there was this current between us too. It was amazing. He tried to get me to stay and there was part of me so tempted to but in the end I had one thought and that was this boy wasn't Jasper. Doubts about him started to fade. I'm still not 100% sure but I'm less scared."_

To know she had been feeling something towards another guy made his blood boil. He read on to see if there was more mention of this guy or any other. If there was he wasn't sure how he was going to handle it.

"_Today was the worst and best day of my life. The bad first. I ran away from home a few days ago. It wasn't something I planned but once again my dad and me got into a fight and I had enough and left. I planned on going back for the time being but something happened. Not something but someone, Jasper. Long story but I ended up at the club, he ended up there, and we ended up KISSING. I couldn't believe it and let me go on the record as saying that boy can kiss. Not that I can compare to anyone else since it was my first kiss but I think it and him were amazing."_

He smiled at how cute she was and then his smile faded as he read on and the details of her attack laid out in front of him. When he couldn't take it anymore he turned the next page. The next few pages were full of recounts of her days. Mostly just accounts of what happened but then he turned the page and something changed.

"_I love him. I know it is too soon but I love him. I haven't said that to him and he hasn't said that to me but I do love him whether he feels the same towards me or not. I think it happened that night at the club. I think it happened with that kiss. I knew it in the moment. Something magical happened when his lips touched mine. I know I sound like such an idiot but I can't change the way that I feel. I just hope that he might feel the same towards me someday." _

How hadn't she known how he felt about her?

"_He told me he loves me. I said I loved him. We made love. I haven't talked to him yet since it happened. He is still asleep and I'm sitting here not knowing how to feel. I feel different."_

That was all she wrote about it. He remembered that she had been sitting on the couch writing in it that morning when he came looking for her. She hadn't continued her thought. He wished the she had. Sometime it felt like she was holding back as if she was scared to tell him what she was really feeling.

"Are you hungry?" Bella asked as she finally walked out of her room to find Jasper.

"A little. How about you? Want to go get something to eat?" he asked trying to put the book away without her knowing.

"Sure, I'm going to go get changed. I'll only be a few minutes," she told him, walking back down the hall and suddenly turned back to look at him, "Jasper…I want you to know that no matter what Angela said this afternoon, I would never give you up. You are all that matters to me and I am where I want to be and with whom I want to be with. I do love you," she quietly said and didn't wait for a reply before going into her room.

Emmett rang the doorbell at Jasper's house and when no one answered he used his key to get in. He threw his bag onto the floor and walked down the hall into the kitchen. He turned on the light and put his keys on the counter. Jasper must be at the club he thought. He should have called telling him that he was coming but then he would ask questions and the news that he had for him was something that he figured that he should tell him in person.

He went walking through the house to find the spare room that he planned on bunking in. The first door that he opened was a bedroom but from the clothes thrown over the bed he figured the room was taken but by whom he wasn't sure. He closed the door and opened the next to see it was Jasper's office. He closed the door and into the final bedroom that he figured was Jasper's.

He wondered who the hell was staying there with him. He didn't know anyone in Arizona. He went back to that first bedroom, opened it again, and walked in. He picked up the dress that was lying on the bed. He opened the closet and saw woman's clothes. Clearly there was a woman staying there but it wasn't adding up. If Jasper was seeing someone then why wouldn't her stuff be in the master bedroom? And if he wasn't dating this woman then why was she staying there? None of this made sense. This was not Jasper's style. He really didn't have girlfriends in the sense of the word. He had always been the one night stand kind of guy.

Bella had forgotten all about the drama of the afternoon as she sat smiling at Jasper. He had taken her to this sweet little café. It was so romantic and beautiful. They were back in this cozy corner away from everyone and it was like it was just the two of them. If it could only be the two of them forever then everything would be perfect.

"Are you having a good time?" Jasper asked taking her hand into his.

"This is incredible. How do you even know about this place?"

"One of the bartenders at work told me about it. Did I tell you yet how beautiful you look," he whispered only thinking about getting her alone.

"You are looking pretty damn cute yourself," she told him blushing under his compliment. She didn't think she would ever get over the blushing he caused.

"Come on, let's go so I can give you your graduation present in private," he smiled at her warming her all the way down to her toes. The idea of being somewhere private sounded damn good to her.

"Okay."

Jasper didn't get nervous but tonight he was. He felt his heart racing and prayed for what he couldn't imagine his life without.

"Why are we here?" Bella asked as they pulled up to the club.

"I forgot something here. Just come up with me for a second," Jasper told her, basically pulling her out of the car. Instead of going into the office he climbed the stairs to the roof. Bella stood there watching wondering what the heck he was up to and finally her curiosity got the better of her and she followed him up.

"Surprise," he said as her made her way up to the top of the roof and a remarkable sight. Hundreds of candles flickering in the dusk greeted her. The sweet smell of rose petals that lined the floor of the roof swirled around her.

"Jasper…" was all she could say, amazed.

"Come here," he said pulling her over to the pile of pillows waiting for them.

"What is all this?" she asked as she sat down into his arms.

"It is a surprise for you to celebrate you graduating."

"This looks like a lot more then a graduation celebration."

"It is also because I love you," he told her thinking she was way too perceptive. This was it he thought, "I understand that we have not known each other that long but I don't need years to know how I feel about you. You are this amazing light that has brightened every corner of my dark life. You are my angel, you are my life. What I am trying to say is…" he said, holding his breath as he got up on one knee, "Bella will you marry me?" he asked and watched tears instantly fall down her checks.

"Jasper…" she whispered trembling.

"Well will you?" he asked again slipping the ring onto her hand without her saying yes.

She just sat there staring at him, staring at the ring and he looked into her eyes and saw the fear but he saw something else too.

"I…"

"I know that this is maybe a little sudden but when you know it is right there is no reason to wait. I have loved you from the moment I saw you. You have been everything good and right in my life. You were what I have been searching for when I didn't even know it. I thought it was money and success but now I know everything I did, everything that happened was just one more step leading me to you. I love you more than I knew love could be. All I want is for you to be my wife, to be my friend, to be my lover and the mother of my children. Will you marry me?" he asked again.

She sat there stunned and he wondered for a moment if she was going to turn him down. He knew that she loved him, he saw it in her eyes but at the same time this was all new to her and she was young. Mostly she was scared of the unknown.

"Yes…" she finally said.

"Did you just say yes?" he questioned.

"Yes, yes, yes I will marry you. I love you too. I really truly do love you and want to be with you forever. You just took me by surprise," she smiled caught up in the moment that she had dreamed about since she was a little girl. Her prince charming, her happily ever after was real.

"I was worried for a moment," he laughed kissing her for the first time as the woman who would be his wife, his happily ever after that he didn't think existed.

"This ring is…the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Not that I'm one of those girls that care about that stuff."

"Well the ring matters to me, a lot. This happens to be my grandmother's ring. She was suppose to give it to my mom when she got married but refused to because she hated my dad and thought that he was a no good loser. My grandmother was right of course and only gave it to my mother after her divorce. My mom gave it to me a few years ago and told me the story behind it and that I should only give it to the girl that I could not live without. I never thought that I would find that girl but when I met you I knew that one day that I would put that ring on your finger. Let's get out of here and go start planning our wedding," he told her, thinking that he couldn't wait until she was his wife. But for tonight he couldn't wait to get her home and make love to her so when she kissed him he knew he wouldn't be able to wait until they got home. They made love right on top of the club under the stars. It was the most amazing experience of his life.

"Mrs. Jasper Whitlock, Bella Whitlock, Mrs. Whitlock," Bella said out loud. She couldn't wait to be that person.

The smile that was on her face was the most beautiful sight in the world. He never remembered being this happy. Everything that he ever wanted was coming true. It was all because of her.

"So when do you want to get married? It isn't like either of us have a long guest list so planning this should be easy. Maybe we could just run away to Vegas," she told him as they pulled into the driveway.

"No…I don't want for us to get married there," he told her almost mad at her suggestion.

"It was just an idea."

"I know but it isn't somewhere that I want to go again. How about we fly somewhere tropical and get married on the beach, just the two of us."

"Perfect, when can we go?" she asked as she walked into and tripped over something.

Jasper grabbed her just in time to stop her from hitting the floor.

"Are you okay?" he asked and when she said yes he turned his attention to the bag.

"It's about time you finally got home," Emmett said appearing.

"Bro is that you man?" he asked smiling.

"Yeah, it's me. I let myself in when you were not home. I tried the club and you were not there either but now I know where you were. I take it that this is the girl that has her clothes in my room," he laughed as she finally made her way down the hall and into the light.

"Bella…" he said in disbelief.

"How…" she started to say, "Emmett?" she asked trying to pull up the last imagine she remembered of a brother she hadn't seen in almost seven years.

"I can't believe that it really is you. You look so grown up. I might not have known that it was even you if it was not for your eyes. They are still the same. Mom's eyes, you have mom's eyes," he said, sadly and then smiled, "How did you find her?" he asked Jasper.

"I didn't…" he said trying to take in everything that was happening really fast, "She came in to the club one night and I had no idea she was your sister," he said.

"I just assumed that you knew since she is staying here," he asked.

"I think we all need to sit down and sort this all out," he told them heading into the kitchen and grabbed the jack. He was going to need a drink to get through this.

Emmett walked into the living room and sat down. That in itself was a feat. He was way too keyed up to sit calmly down and wait to find out what the hell was going on. He watched as Bella waited for Jasper and walked in with him, sitting next to Jasper and not her own brother. He didn't want to jump to conclusions but when she grabbed his hand into hers, he knew.

"Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?" he demanded as his blood started to slowly boil.

"I was at the club. Bella came in. She had a flat tire and I helped her fix it. I asked her out. She told me no but a few days later we ran into we other again and this time she said yes," he told him the easy stuff and then moved on to the parts he wasn't going to want to hear, "She was having some problems with her dad and ended up camping out in the office one night and I found her there. You don't need all the details but something happened when she went home, her dad freaked out on her. He really did a number on her, mentally and physically. I wanted to call the cops but she stopped me wanting to just be done with him. I asked her to come and stay with me hence the clothes in the room. I didn't have a clue that she was the sister you told me about," he assured him wondering if that would have made a difference in what happened between them. He knew the answer to that though, no.

"Something serious is going on between the two of you, isn't it?" he demanded to know.

"We are in love," Bella answered him not believing that he was really there staring at them like some ominous creature of raging disapproval.

"How did you let that happen?" he screamed wanted to know from Jasper. This all seemed like some bad dream. After all this time of being away from home and not being able to have his sister be a part of his life to finally come home only to find her shacking up with his... half brother. It made him sick. Mostly it made him mad.

"It just happened kind of like it does. We can all talk more about this tomorrow. I think that we all just need a good nights sleep. Everything will look better in the morning," he said not wanting to get into the argument that was sure to come between him and Emmett. He knew him pretty damn well and he knew dating his sister was not going to fly too well with him.

"You go ahead and I'll be in there in a few minutes," Bella told him and Emmett had to sit there and grit his teeth not to say something.

"Alright," he smiled at her when what he wanted to do was kiss her. He knew that if he did that Emmett wouldn't still be sitting there so calmly.

She sat there not even looking at the brother that she had dreamed about seeing again. She already had seen disapproval in his face when it came to her and Jasper and if that was the case she just wished that he would once again disappear out of her life. She could only think how dare he magically appear after all this time to even think about for one-minute passing judgment on her.

"I don't really understand how all this came about. I talked a lot about you to Jasper. He should have realized at some point that you were my sister unless he did and that mattered none to him."

"No he would have said something to me about it. I don't think that he had any clue that we were brother and sister. Every time that I talked about you or he talked about you I don't think once we used your name. Besides we were busy with other things and neither of us was thinking you, sorry but true. After all these years I haven't missed you any less but I guess I stopped thinking about you less. As hard as it was for me I finally realized that you were not coming home and spending all my time thinking about you not being here was doing me no good. So I stopped thinking about you because it was just too hard. Why did you leave me?" she questioned with tears in her eyes and for that moment the subject of her and Jasper was put on the back burner.

"I never left you. I know that is how it seems but that was not how I planned it to be. I was eighteen just like you are now and I just got to the point where I couldn't be in that house with his anymore. All the years of control and mental abuse had taken its toll on me and I was just becoming this mean, resentful person. One night I came home five minutes late and he started at me once again and I said some pretty rotten things to him but nothing like he returned at me. Some things were said to me that couldn't be taken back and changed things. He made it so I had no choice. I packed my bags that night and left. I left you a note telling you that I had to go," he explained to her hoping that she would forgive him.

"I never got it."

"I'm sure he found it first. I'm sure that he also got to all the letters over the years that I sent to you. After a few years I stopped writing when I never heard from you. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I had to leave you there with him but there was nothing I could do at that moment other than save myself. I know I was just being selfish and only thinking about myself but I didn't know what else to do," he told her wishing that she understood.

"I understand why you had to leave the house but you didn't have to leave me."

"Yeah I did. He told me as I was walking out the door that I better never show my face around there again or he would have me arrested because…" he started to say but really didn't want to, "I was sexually abusing you. I nearly flipped when he said that to me. I told he there was no way he could prove that because it was lies and he said was I sure of that? After all he was a cop and had friends. Even if it didn't stick think about the months of investigation and what it would do to you. So I stayed away."

"I knew he was crazy I just had no idea," she told him remembering the day he had come after her with such hatred.

"Bella I have to tell you something about our family. You are right he was harder on you and it was from the start not just after I left," he said and took a deep breath, "I remember when you came home. I was almost seven at the time and once I looked at you I was in awe of you. You were the cutest thing with all this hair and these huge eyes that stared at you like you were really looking into your soul. At the same time I was so sad. Mom was gone and I had no idea why. Dad just said she died and I would never see her again. At seven I didn't understand. I also did not understand why he treated us and especially you so bad. He seemed to hate us. That night I left, he blew up at me and let me in on some family secrets. I know as it did to me this will come as a shock but in the end might be your saving grace as it was mine," he took another deep breath and started the real story, "They had been trying to have kids for many years after they got married. She never got pregnant. Sometimes things happen for a reason he told me. God knew that I never wanted any brats running around and made sure that I never had any was what he told me. Mom on the other hand longed for children and in the end to make her happy they adopted me. I was just a baby and it was a quiet, private adoption. Things were okay growing up those first few years thanks to mom. But I remember this one day that dad came home from work and they got into this huge fight. To find out mom was leaving him and taking me with him to go and be with the man that she had been seeing and had become pregnant by. But that day never came. My guess is dad had something to do with it. Probably made threats to her or towards the other man. I'm sure if mom would have even ended up leaving him but in the end it didn't matter. Mom died and he brought you home to live with us," Emmett explained to her.

Tears filled her eyes as pieces of her heart shattered as he told her the life she had know was just a lie. Nothing was as it seemed. She was not who she thought she was. She was this other person now.

"He's not my father and you are not my brother and I have a real father I never got to know," she half whimpered trying to control her tears.

"I'll always be your brother, blood or no blood. None of the other matters anymore. I know that I haven't been there for you but all that changes now. From this moment on we have each other and that is all we need. I won't let you down again," he told her getting up to hug her. She let it go on for a second before she broke away.

"I'm tired and I can't talk about any of this anymore tonight. I'm going to go to bed. I'll move my things out of your room in the morning. I don't know why they are even still in there considering I never slept in there," she informed him before walking away into the bedroom with Jasper.

Emmett sat there hating himself for leaving her and then showing back up in her life after all this time only to tear away everything she had known. But that wasn't even the worse part of it all. It was the things that he hadn't told her yet that he knew was really going to destroy her.

"Are you okay?" Jasper questioned as she pulled off her dress and crawled into bed next to him.

"No but that's okay, I know that I will be. I'm glad that I know the truth," she stopped, "Do you know the story?"

"Emmett told it to me once but I didn't know until now that it was your story too."

"I don't forgive him. I don't know if I ever will but at least now I do understand some of the things he did and said. It makes a lot more sense to me now. I finally understand why he never wanted me," she said turning to look at him kissing him. She needed him right now more than she needed air. She needed that feeling of being wanted and loved and belonging to another person.

"What else did Emmett tell you?" he asked between kisses.

"Can you please stop talking? I want to make love to the man I'm going to marry."

Emmett was crawling out of his skin the next morning when he got up. He had started the coffee and went to wake up Bella and Jasper so they could sort out the rest of the mess that was running around in his mind. He made it to the handle and stopped before knocking when he heard the sounds of them having sex. He almost threw up.

"What has gotten into you? Not that I'm complaining," Jasper told her, smiling trying to catch his breath. This was the third time that they had made love since last night. It was like she couldn't get enough of him.

"Nothing or maybe it is just me realizing how much I love you and want to be with you and start a life with you. I don't want to wait to get married. The sooner the better as far as I'm concerned. Book the tickets. Let's just run away from everything and everyone where only the two of us exist."

"That is a nice thought but as much as I would love to run away with you I can't just yet. Emmett and I have business to take care of and then very soon we will be standing on the sandy beach with the turquoise water hitting the shore and I will say I Jasper Whitlock take thee Bella Swan as my wife. I promise to love her and care for her with every breath I have until the end of time," he smiled at her, wishing that day was today. Why did the rest of the world have to barge in to their perfect world? Would that dream really come true when she found out?

"Then I will say I Bella Swan take thee Jasper Whitlock as my husband. I promise to love him, be his best friend and lover until the end of time. And then they will say you may kiss the bride," and he did just that. It was going to be a late morning he thought to himself.


	7. Chapter 7

I own nothing.

CHAPTER SEVEN

The Truth

"Morning," Jasper said to him as he walked out into the kitchen. He knew that it wasn't going to be a good one though by the expression all across Emmett's face. He looked ready to rip my head off and eat it.

"Afternoon is more like it. Where is Bella?" he questioned as he thought about what the two of them had been doing. It was taking all his strength not to kill him. He had lived twenty some years without even knowing her had a brother so would he really miss him?

"Oh she didn't get a lot of sleep last night and she is still in bed. Listen…" he started to say just wanting to get all the cards out on the table. He already knew that Emmett was having a problem with him dating his little sister but the thing that he didn't know was that she was not the little sister that he left behind. Bella was now an amazing woman that he didn't just want but needed.

"No you listen. I don't know how or why you ended up with my sister but I'll let you know now that I don't like it even a little. I want you to stop seeing her," he demanded.

"That is not going to happen. I know that you want to be her big brother now but you are too late for that. She has grown up and doesn't need you there to protect her. Anything she needs, anything she wants that is my job now. My only purpose in life now is to take care of her," he told him and hoped that would be enough for him. He doubted that.

"She is only eighteen years old. She is not ready for you or any guy for that matter," he told him and maybe part of it was that he still saw her as that little eleven years old girl and not the woman who he saw and unfortunately heard.

"Well that is up to her and she want to be with me and I need to be with her. We are in love and I asked her to marry me and she said yes. We are going to be together whether you like it or not," Jasper informed him taking a very clear stand on what was going to happen. Yeah he wanted his support and backing but not having it was not going to change his relationship with Bella.

"Oh really? Well I wonder what Alice would have to say about that," he let out and watched Jasper's eyes narrow. He hadn't meant to bring her up to him like this but he also hadn't expected to come there and find his sister engaged to his half brother.

"She has nothing to do with this or me. As far as I'm concerned that girl doesn't exist to me any longer," he said trying to shake the image of her from his brain.

"Well she better start because that was the bad news that I had for you. She is fighting the annulment. In the eyes of the court and the world you are still married to her. I guess you forgot to tell my sister that."

Her brother was waiting for her a few hours later when she finally exited the bedroom. She smiled at him but asked, "Where is Jasper?"

"He had some stuff he had to take care of. He said he would see you later. Do you want to go and get some lunch or something?"

"Thanks but I have some errands to run. Maybe another time. I'll be back later and don't worry I haven't forgotten about cleaning out the closet. I'll do it when I get home. See you later," she told him and was gone before he could stop her.

Since the day he had left the guilt of abandoning his little sister had ate at him. Everything he had done was to be able to come back and get her away from that man. In the end he was too late and someone else had saved her. Maybe that was part of the reason she looked at Jasper like he could do no wrong and her own brother like an unwelcome stranger.

The aroma of spices and food drifted through the air to meet him as he finally made his way home feeling broken and tormented by his past mistakes. All he could think about was he didn't deserve this. Even with all the wrongs he had done in his life this was far too much punishment.

"It's about time that you got home," Bella told him cooking in the kitchen, apron and all.

"I had some stuff to deal with. What is this all about?" he asked his heart hurting in a way he knew hers would if she ever found out. The problem was she had to find out. She had to find out about it all.

"I thought that it would be nice if I made you dinner. I'm going to be your wife you know, that is my job."

"That doesn't mean I expect you to cook for me. I'm not even that hungry."

"You are getting way too skinny. You need some meat on those bones. You do realize that cigarettes and Starbucks is not a balance meal. Jack Daniels isn't either. I worry about you. You have to take better care of yourself. I couldn't imagine losing you."

"I know and I will. What is all this?" he questioned of the pile of magazines and papers.

"Oh that…I picked up a few bridal magazines and I stopped by the travel agent and got like a hundred filers for every tropical island known to man," she giggled and he wished that he could freeze this moment in time and that nothing would ever change that look in her eyes and that smile on her face. She wasn't even that type of girl who cared about wedding dresses and all that but now with him she wanted all that.

"You sure have been a busy girl. But you know I had in the back of my mind that I might open another club. I have to come up with a solid idea and there is a lot of work that goes into that. I was even thinking about buying Emmett's half of Toxic and letting him go do his own thing. I would kind of like to stand on my own now without him or anyone. And maybe you would like to redo the house so that it is more to your taste and what about college? You do plan on going right? And that means getting ready for that," he told her and she just stared at him confused.

"First of all I'm not sure on this whole college thing. I might just put it off for a year and focus on other things for a change. Second as far as buying the club from Emmett and opening a new one and standing on your own feet and all that well I know that you can do anything you want but you will always have someone standing there not behind you but beside you working hard for everything that you want to achieve. I am always going to be your biggest fan as I hope you will be mine. The house is fine as is. I love this house. It feels like home to me, my first real place to call home. Whatever comes up we will deal with it, handle it, and move ahead once we are married. I know that I shouldn't show you but I am way to excited to keep it from you. I picked something else up today," she told him smiling, handing him a small box with a jeweler's logo on top. "It is your wedding band. I know it is kind of soon but the thought hit me and I had to get it," she smiled again and waited for him to open it.

The little box felt like it weighted a million pounds. His heart was racing. This should be a special moment but he couldn't enjoy it. It was torture.

"Open it already."

He looked up at her and saw pure joy on her face and he thought no matter what he had to do whatever it took to make this dream a reality. Slowly he opened it to reveal a plain platinum band. It was simple and perfect, just like her.

"I hope that it is the right size because it's already engraved," she told him and he dared take it out and look inside, "Forever Yours, Forever Mine."

"Do you like it?" she asked when he still didn't speak.

"It is perfect," was about all he could get out. Tears were dangerously close to spilling out.

"I'm so happy. Let's see if it fits," she told him taking the ring out of his hand and smiled with love, "With this ring I marry this man. I make him mine forever," and then the ring slid on, a perfect fit.

"Bella…I need to talk to you about something important," he started to say. He had to tell her the truth. He had to be honest with her. She would forgive him, he hoped.

"Oh dinner is going to burn," she said breaking the moment.

"Where is Emmett?" he asked. This was not the time to spill his guts. Or maybe it was just that he was yet to get the courage up.

"I don't know. I left earlier and he was here but I came home and he wasn't. Just to let you know I put my stuff in your closet and bathroom to clean out the spare bedroom for him. Do you know that you have a lot of clothes?" she told him singing a song softly.

"I'm going to go shower before dinner," he said and wished that the water could wash away all his sins.

Bella was still singing that song when Emmett came home. He wanted to talk to her but he felt like when she looked at him she just saw a stranger not her brother.

"What is all this?"

"Dinner. I cleaned out your room and Jasper is on the computer. I think that he wants to talk to you. He wants to buy your half of the club and I think that you should sell it. You know right now might be a good time for you to do your own thing, buy your own house and your own club or whatever you might want to do. I think that now that me and Jasper are getting married and starting this new life together that you might want to think about settling down too," she told him in a matter of fact way that told him that she wanted him out of her life. Or at least out of her business. Jasper had been right when he said she was no longer a little girl any more. She had grown up with or without him. It was hard to see. In his memory she was still a sweet, innocent girl.

"I'll go talk to him," he said and wondered if things between him and his sister would be different if it wasn't for Jasper. Something told him maybe not. He had a feeling he had been gone too long.

He sat staring at the ring that was still firmly placed on his hand. Another girl had put a ring on his finger before but it had meant nothing. This one meant everything. The other had come off before the end of his wedding night. This one he couldn't bring himself to take off.

"I heard from Bella that you want to buy my half of the club. Are you wanting to get rid of me too?" he questioned of him.

"It's not that. I was just thinking that it might be time that we stood alone and see if we can make it on our own. You always talked about opening your own club and I would like to do the same."

"I think that this is more about trying to get me out of town and stop me from talking to my sister about you. You are not going to get away from me that easy. I'm not just going to forget about Alice and that mess. I won't let you hurt her," he told him thinking that what he should be doing was telling Bella the real truth about Jasper. He just didn't want to be the one telling her the news that was going to break her heart.

"I'm not trying to get rid of you and you know it but you are right when I tell you that I do want you to keep your mouth shut about Alice. I should have listened to you when it came to that girl but I was trying to do the right thing," he said thinking that he had been such an idiot. How he had ever fallen for her line of shit was beyond him.

"Did you talk to her?"

"Called her today from the club. She doesn't want to be stuck with me any more than I want to be her but she got wind of the club selling and that we made a killing on it and now the greedy bitch thinks that she can hold my freedom over my head to get some money out of me," he gritted his teeth just at the thought of her sweet purring voice on the phone until he told her to go to hell.

"And will she?"

"I told her that it was never going to happen after what she did to me. She said that I better be prepared for a long fight. It is like she knows how much I want this and knew that I would give into her. I offered a lot of money to get her to sign those papers. She said that she would let me know. I think that she is going to counter me with a larger figure. And you know what I will pay that greedy bitch what ever she wants to get her to sign those annulment papers," Jasper said and heard the gasp.

He flew past Emmett out into the hall to see Bella standing there. By the look on her face he knew that she had been standing there for too long and heard too much.

"Bella…you have to let me explain," he told her walking towards her only to have her back away from him.

"I heard…you are married. You asked me to marry you and you are already married. You have a wife. I've been sleeping with a married man. I really am a whore," she whispered and she was sickened by herself. If she could have crawled out of her own skin she would have.

"Just let me explain…" he begged.

"I never want to hear another word you ever have to say," she screamed at him and took off the ring that had meant so much to her, the symbol of her future and the life she had dreamed about sharing with him and threw it at him. It missed him and hit the wall falling in a ping to the floor.

"Don't do that," he said picking up the ring, "Please don't walk away from me. I can't lose you," he pleaded.

"It's too late. You already did," she somehow calmly told him and grabbed her keys and ran away.

"Fuck…" he yelled and punched the wall next to him, leaving a huge hole like the one now in his heart.

Bella drove until the tears were too much for her and then she pulled over and sat in her car and cried some more. Her heart was broken, her dreams destroyed. She had nothing left.

She couldn't believe that Jasper was married to someone else. All the things that he had said to her and promised her. She thought that she was going to spend the rest of her life with him and now she was alone.

How had she been so stupid? To trust him with not only her heart but her future. She had blindly believed all that he had fed her. What was she going to do now?

"I really fucked this one up. How could I have been such an idiot? I should have been honest with her from day one and explained to her my situation. Bella is the sweetest, most forgiving person I have ever meet and I know if I had just explained things to her that she would have understood. Now I have lost her. Where do you think that she went? I hope that she is okay. She was so upset and she shouldn't have been driving," he said pacing the floor trying to think how he was going to fix this.

"I know that you didn't mean to hurt her," Emmett told him thinking that this whole situation was one fucked up mess. The moment he had met Alice he knew that she was nothing but trouble. He just never knew how much.

"I swear I never wanted to hurt her. I honestly fell for her the moment I met her and everything else just faded away. I thought that the crap with Alice was over. I just assumed that she signed the papers and it was done. I should have told her," he said still pacing around.

"She just had a lot of big shocks to her system in the last few days and maybe once she let's them all filter in than she'll be able to talk to you and you will get a chance to explain everything to her," Emmett told him and as much as he hated the idea of Jasper with his sister he could clearly see that he loved her. Maybe that was all he could ask for.

"Thanks for giving me some hope when we both know that there is none."

"If it is meant to happen than it will. I am going to go to bed. She'll be back when she is ready so try to get some sleep," he told him patting him on the back.

It was late when she finally walked into the house. Everything was as she left it, the dinner, the magazines, and Jasper waiting there for her. One look at him and she almost lost it again. It took all her control not to start crying. Years of hiding her feelings were her saving grace.

"Are you okay? I was so worry about you. I'm just glad that you are home safe," he told her but didn't get into anything else with her when he saw the look in her eyes. He saw hate and disbelief. He saw that she was never going to forgive him.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go at the moment and we both know it so as long as it is okay with you I want to stay here until I figure out my life. I'll sleep on the couch and hopefully we can both be adults," she told him having in the time that she was gone closed all her feelings and emotions tightly away like she had her whole life. Show nothing she had learned at a young age. Emotions they will use against you. Feelings are weakness she had found out. She just never thought that she would be using those tricks against him. The only person that she had ever opened herself up to completely.

"Bella…" he started to say, "Please just let me explain."

"I'm tired and all I want right now is to go to sleep. Besides nothing you could say to me will change the fact that you are married," she said slipping into his room to grab some clothes. She grabbed a blanket and a pillow and camped out on the couch as Jasper took his turn to slip out of the house.

Emmett heard the door slam and figured that it was Bella coming back home and thought that it might be a good idea for him to play referee. He found her curled up on the couch with a blank express.

"Where is Jasper?" he questioned sitting down next to her.

"I don't know. He left is about all I know."

"Are you okay? I mean I know that you really are not but…"

"I am numb. I want to close my eyes and open them and hope it was all a dream but we all know that what I was living was the real dream. I let myself fall for him without looking to see if it was safe. Everything that I am is tied up in him. I just don't know where to go from here without him," she said trying not to look at her brother. She just knew she would see some smug look on his face as if to say I told you so.

"I know that you are hurting and that he lied to you but you don't know the whole story. I know that he didn't set out to hide this from you. I was waiting around to get the papers from her but she is fighting the annulment because she wants money."

"Tell me the story," she asked needing to know but she couldn't handle hearing it from Jasper. The thought that he had married another girl, speaking those vows to her made her sick.

"Alice was a random girl that we met one night at the club. She was with some friends that we knew and she started talking to Jasper and they started seeing each other here and there but nothing serious. I never really cared for her. I thought that she was no good for him but he assured me that he knew that and it was just a girl to hang out with. It wasn't too long after that he saw her the way I saw her and cut it off. Then one day she came to him and told him that she was pregnant and it was his. Jasper did the right thing and asked her to marry him even though he didn't love her and she didn't love him. They got married in Vegas, some cheesy chapel on the strip. Before the ink was even dry on the paper, she informed him that she really was not pregnant and only told him that because she was looking for someone to take care of her. She told him that she never loved him and she had been playing him from day one because she knew that he had money. The joke was on her. At the time all Jasper's money was tied up in the club. Once she figured that out she was more than happy to agree to an annulment. She was suppose to bring the papers to him but kept putting it off until he had to come here to get the club going and since I had to deal with business still there I told him that I would get the papers for him. Well she found out that the club had been sold and for a good price so now she refuses to sign the papers and is basically blackmailing him to get as much money out of him as she can. He told me that he didn't tell you because he thought that she was gone out of his life and didn't want to think about her for another second. He never meant to hurt you. I have never seen him like this. As harsh as it sounds girls for him have always just been like disposable objects to be used and thrown away when done with. His career and making money was his main goal. He has been driving himself for a long time hoping to one day quiet the voices in his head that tell him that he never will be enough, never get it right. He hadn't found a song to tame those demons until he heard your voice. You are my sister, I want only the best for you, and that may or may not be Jasper. That is for you to figure out. I'm just letting you know that at first glance due to his history I wanted him a hundred million miles away from you but I have come to see that he is a changed man because of you and that he loves you. I also saw that you loved him too and might need him as much as he needs you," he told her and thought the last thing that he wanted to do was give her another blow but she had to know, "Listen I have to tell you something. You are aware that me and Jasper are business partners but we are actually a lot more than that."

She just stared at him with this utterly strange look on her face like she was caught up in another world that made no sense, "You are not trying to tell me that you are gay are you?"

He laughed because it was funny. Wait until Jasper heard about this one.

"No that is not what I am trying to say. After I found out I was adopted I went looking for my birth parents. I found my mother in Texas. She was very nice. Happy to find me. She had been young and unmarried. The guy took off and she had done what she thought was best for me. She had met someone had married. She had another son. Jasper is my brother," he told her.

"I kind of figured that one out."

"We are only half. We have the same mother different dads. From what I hear his was no better than mine. Only difference was his stuck around to fuck him up and mine left. We bonded pretty quickly. We have a lot in common. So when I decided to leave and go to Las Vegas he decided to come with me. We have been inseparable since. He even decided to relocate with me when I decided to come back here. I offered to give him the club in Vegas but he still choice to come here."

"This is all too much for me," she said knowing in her head that Emmett was not really her brother but he was her brother in any way that matter so in a way she was dating her brother's brother. Gross.

"Alright then, enough talking from me. I'm going to bed. I love you little sis," he said planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Thank-you," was all she said and he was left to wonder for what because from where he sat all he had done was come home and ruin her life.

The next morning when she woke up she found that she was alone in the house. Emmett had left her a note telling her that he was going to be gone most of the day dealing with business. She walked down towards Jasper's room and saw that it didn't look like he had come home last night. His bed was un-slept in. She wondered where and with whom he had spent the night. She shouldn't care but she did which meant that she had to find a way to get away from him as soon as possible.

She showered, dressed, and headed out to look for an apartment. She stopped for coffee and the paper digging into ads. An hour later she was still staring at the second listing. There was no escape from thoughts of Jasper. Why hadn't he told her the truth from the beginning? She had been totally honest with him about her life, horror stories and all. Did he really think that she wouldn't have understood? Would she have understood she asked herself? It would have been hard but she would have. She would have not liked the idea but knowing the reasons behind it she would have stood behind him one hundred percent.

She didn't know what was breaking her heart more, the fact that Jasper had been married, was still married, or that he had not been able to tell her. She didn't think there was anything that she could not share with him and to think the same did not apply to her made her question their whole relationship.

Not to mention the strange thing about him being Emmett's brother…oh half brother. Like that made any difference. I mean if she forgave him and they moved forward with the relationship wouldn't that make things way too weird.

But that only if she could get pass this and forgive him? Right now it didn't feel like it. Maybe in time she would be able to but the way she was feeling right now the answer was no. That was what her brain said but her heart was screaming if I get a vote the answer is yes. Forgive him her heart slammed against over and over against her chest. If she loved him like she claimed that she did she would be able to find it in her heart to forgive him. He had just made a mistake. He hadn't really had a marriage to start with. It was just a piece of paper, right? A piece of paper that she had been dying to sign making her Mrs. Jasper Whitlock. But that title was already taken.

"Bella, right?" a voice that she thought she knew asked bringing her out of her own thoughts. It was no place she should be right now anyways.

She looked up and it took a second but she recognized the face. It was that guy that she had met briefly at that party she had gone to pick Angela up at. That thought only made her think about Angela which she didn't want to.

"Don't tell me…," she said searching her brain for his name, "Edward, right?" she said to him with a smile.

"Right, so how are you?"

"I'm okay. Want to sit?" she asked even though she knew that she shouldn't but she could use the distraction.

"I'd love to," he told her taking his seat that seemed kind of close to her, "I have thought about you a lot actually since that night. I even asked my friend to ask your friend for your number but I got she has a boyfriend speech," he informed her amazed that he had run into again after all this time. He was not lying when he said he had thought about her a lot since that night. She was the girl that he had let get away. Smiling he thought if you get a second chance with a girl like her you don't let her get away twice.

"I did. We just broke up," she told him without going more into it. She did not want to talk or think about any of that. That was the purpose of him sitting there right now… distraction.

"I'm sorry but not that sorry," he smiled; "Now at least I have a fighting chance."

"I don't think that I will be dating anyone anytime soon. But if you have an apartment then I'll take that," she laughed, throwing that paper down on the table.

"Looking for an apartment?"

"Yeah. Ex boyfriend, living together they don't work that well together," she explained to him trying to make light of her situation.

"Oh," was all he said.

"Time to grow up. I just graduated high school and I have to figure out what is next."

"I know how that feels. I just graduated from college and hello real world. My dad wants me to go to medical school. He is a doctor and wants me to follow in his steps. I always thought that was what I wanted but now I'm not so sure."

"I know the feeling. I am not sure about anything right now other then I need to be on my own."

"I could talk to my dad. He knows about everyone. He might be able to find something. You give me your number and I'll see what I can do," he told her handing her his cell phone to add her number to. When she was done he smiled that amazing smile that she remembered, "I knew one way or another I would get you number. I better be going but I'll look into that and I'll give you a call when I know anything. It was really nice running into you."

As he walked away for a moment she let herself think about her life now that Jasper was not going to be a part of it. As cute and nice as Edward was she didn't like what she saw. She didn't want to be a single girl going on dates, searching every frog for a prince that she had already found. Her happily ever after had come and in a blink disappeared as if a wicked witch cast a spell on her. But she was the one to blame for having let herself live in a fantasy. Happily ever after did not exist.


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

Accidents

Bella's POV

It had been two months since her life had blown up in her face and she was still surprised that she had been able to pick up the tiny pieces and attempt to put them back together. The problem was that she had not been able to save all the pieces like those of her heart. It had been broken into too many particles to hope for reconstruction. Nevertheless, that was okay with her because the chance of re injury was too high and there was no way that she was ever going to go through that pain again.

On the surface, she was doing remarkable well. True to his word, Edward's father had helped her find an amazing apartment. It was in a nice neighborhood and very cute but mostly was all hers. She was still working on getting everything that she needed but she was taking her time trying to for the first time in her life make a home that was all hers. She had never had that. She had thought she had found that with Jasper but that had all been a mirage.

She also had a job. She was working at a lingerie shop. Even though her trust had been deposited in her account days after graduation and she had more than enough money not to worry about paying the bills what she did have was too much time. She needed something to keep her mind busy and when she had walking by and saw the help wanted sign so on impulse she decided to apply. The owner was a studding blonde hair woman who said that she liked her the second she met her and offered her the job on the spot. She turned out to be really sweet and nice and they had become friends but not as good of friends as she had with her brother. One look at her and Emmett was lost. They had been out together almost every night since they met.

As for Angela, they were talking but that closeness that had always been there between them was gone and she wondered if they would ever get it back. The truth of the matter was she thought that they might just have outgrown their friendship. They were both in complete different places in their life. Angela was starting college and doing that scene and she was playing grown up, as Angela had told her not too long ago when Bella had informed her that she was not going to college. However, it was her life she told her and she was going to live by her own rules.

Her and her brother had gotten closer but the years apart were still between them and it was hard to get to know each other all over. Emmett was also having hard time acting like her brother and not her father. He wanted to be telling her what she should be doing much like Angela but she was no more listening to him than she was her. He was also really busy and finding time to spend together was hard. He had sold his half of the club to Jasper and was now busy trying to open his own club that was when he wasn't with Rosalie.

And there was even Edward who called her every other day to go out on a date with him. She said no every time but they would end up talking for hours and each time they hung up he would promise that he would call her again and maybe this time she would say yes. She wondered what would come first, her saying yes or him getting tired of calling.

As for Jasper there was not a moment that she didn't think about him and what should have been. She told herself that the best thing to do was just forgive him and then forget about him. The first was slowly happening but the second was proving impossible to do. If only there was a switch she could turn off like the one he had turned on when she met him. Unfortunately there was not and every day she found herself thinking about him and how different her life would be if she had stayed there and heard him out. But there was no going back, right?

She had always wanted to be able to make her own choices and now that she had she was finding it hard to live with.

Jasper's POV

It had been two months since he had seen or spoken to Bella. Each day had been a nightmare for him. That night he had taken off and ended up in Vegas where over a week later he had settled things with Alice. He headed home praying that Bella would forgive him and give him another chance now that he was free of his past but all he had walked into was an empty house. She had moved out. She left no note or way to get a hold of her. She had even gone to the trouble of changing her number. It was like she had erased herself from his life.

He had begged Emmett to tell him where she was but he told him only that she was fine and getting on with her life. He needed to do the same. He didn't want to hear that as he slowly started to crumble into a million pieces. It was like she had been the glue holding him together and without her there was nothing to keep him whole.

There was days that he didn't get out of bed and then there was days that he didn't make it into bed. Jack had become his new best friend without the coke. But he wasn't that great of a friend and he was making him do a lot of stupid things that he remembered some of and some that he didn't. One of those mistakes was lying next to him and only wished that he could forget her. Yet he had nothing to blame for this but himself.

"You can stay the night," she purred.

"No," he informed her.

"Why not?" she questioned.

He looked over at the girl who was tangled in pink sheets and tried to remember her name but it had never made it into his memory. The only thing he would ever recall about this girl was that she had worn the same perfume as Bella.

"Because we are done and this is no sleep over," Jasper told her as he left.

Bella's POV

Her phone started ringing. She rolled over and grabbed it looking at the clock to see that it was four in the morning. Who the hell was calling her this late?

"Hello and do you know what time it is?" she asked her brother.

"Sorry but…" he said and paused and she could tell by his tone that something was wrong.

"What is it?" she asked now wide-awake.

"There is no easy way to tell you this but its Jasper. He was in a car accident and it doesn't look good."

She covered her mouth to silence the gasp and clung to the phone as tears ran down her face.

"He is over at Banner Hospital on Dobson. I'm already here if you want to come over."

"I'll be right there," she said grabbing whatever clothes she could find and flying over there in record time.

She found Emmett pacing the waiting room looking sick with worry. They didn't say anything but grabbed each other and hugged holding on to the other for support. A long time later, they broke apart and she dared ask what had happened.

"I really don't know other than it was a car accident. I was his emergency contact and I got the call about an hour ago. He is in surgery and that is all I know. I wasn't going to call you but I thought that you would want to know."

"You did the right thing," she told him finding a chair and sitting down since her legs could not hold her any longer. As she sat there, she prayed.

Though she had tried her best to let him go, get over loving him the truth was she was not even close to doing that. She had left him but he had stayed with her. She told herself that she didn't love him but she was only lying to herself. She loved him now as she always would and she only prayed she got one more chance to tell him that.

The sun was just starting to peak through the windows when someone finally came out to see them.

"Are any of you here concerning Jasper Whitlock?"

"I am," Emmett said jumping up.

"Are you family?"

"I'm his fiancé," Bella told her and looked over at Emmett who was giving her that look.

"I'm his brother," Emmett told the nurse.

"Alright, come with me," she said leading them down to a small private room and they started to fear the worst as she said someone would be there soon to talk to them.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Reed. I just got out of surgery with Mr. Whitlock. He came into us bad off. He had life threading injuries. He had acute pancreatitis that needed surgery. He is still not out of the woods since a secondary infection is very common and could still be life threatening. His other injuries were not as bad but still severe. He broke his leg and dislocated his shoulder. His ribs are cracked and he has some deep lacerations. Not to mention the nasty bruises."

"Is he going to be okay?" Bella asked, shaking all over at the thought that he wouldn't be.

"I can never predict the future but as long as everything stays stable and he doesn't get an infection I think that he will make a full recovery in time. Do you have any other questions?"

"Can we see him?" Emmett asked.

"He is still in recovery but once he gets settled into his room you should be able to," the doctor said walking out.

Bella waited there by herself for Jasper to wake up. Emmett had meetings he couldn't put off and told her that he would be by later. It was nearly two hours more of waiting before she was let into see him and when she did finally walk into his hospital room she lost it.

He looked so damaged and broken. It wasn't just from the bandages and tubes but the energy that surrounded him seemed to be gone. She walked around to the other side of the bed, took his hand into hers, and sat there waiting for him to come back to her.

Jasper's POV

It seemed to take him an hour to open his eyes. They felt heavy and weighed down and he thought to himself how much did I drink last night? He hurt all over and he felt like throwing up. It must have been a bad night but nothing that a drink couldn't fix.

"You had me thinking that you were never going to wake up," came a voice that he knew so well but didn't think he would ever hear again.

"Bella?" he questioned as his brain started to work a little and he realized that he wasn't at home in bed.

"Are you okay? Are you in any pain?"

He just looked at her as if he didn't know her. It made her wonder if she should even be there. Maybe he didn't want to wake up to her face.

"What are you doing here? What am I doing here?" he questioned beginning to realize that this wasn't a dream and that he wasn't in his own bed. He was at the hospital but why?

"Where else would I be? As for you well you were in a pretty bad car accident last night and you are banged up but you are going to be okay."

"Car accident…" he told her thinking back trying to remember but the last thing that he could recall was leaving that girls house and driving home. His and Bella's song had been on the radio was his last memory.

"I don't know really any of the details about the accident and it doesn't really matter because you are okay," she explained and tried to hold back not only her tears but also her feelings for him that she had tried to pretend didn't exist anymore.

"How did you find out?"

"They contacted Emmett and he called me. He'll be back to see you later."

"You don't have to be here with me," he told her. When he thought that all he wanted was to look into her eyes again it hurt too much to see her and know she wasn't his.

"I want to be here with you. I was worried about you. I'm still worried about you. You have to stop drinking," she told him. She had seen when they were together that he used alcohol to kill his pain. Emmett had told her he was getting pretty bad with the drinking lately.

"I'm not yours to worry about anymore," he told her thinking he probably was drinking too much but what else did he have in his life.

It hurt him to say that. It was like a knife in his heart but it was the truth and the truth always hurts.

"Just because we are not together anymore does not mean that I don't care about you. I'm going to worry about you and care about you for the rest of my life," she told him and left out that she was going to love him that long too.

"You can stop worrying. I was not drinking last night. Though it might be easier to think that then wonder why my car ended up wrapped around a pole," he told her as his memory started to come back to him about the crash.

"What are you trying to say?" she asked, not believing for one moment that he had tried to kill himself.

"Nothing. I was just not paying attention," the truth was he had put his hand through his radio trying to stop a love song that no longer existed. When he looked up there was a pole. It was only a second before he felt nothing but in that second she was what he thought of.

She didn't know what to believe. Maybe he had been drinking and didn't want her to know. Maybe it had been just an accident or maybe it was something more. None of mattered to her in that moment. Only that he was okay.

"I don't believe for one second that if you were not drinking that it wasn't an accident. As much as you loved that car…"

"Oh not the car," he said as the pain suddenly increased and she just went on talking like it was no big deal his car was totaled.

"Once you get out of here, you are going to be laid up for awhile but don't worry because Emmett can take care of the club and I am going to take care of you. I don't want you to worry about anything because I promise that I'll be there for you."

He stared at her thinking he wanted to say you promised me that once and look where it had gotten us.

Bella's POV

Her life became a juggling act between her job and taking care of Jasper. It came to the point that she couldn't do both and Rosalie was nice enough to give her a leave. Emmett of course was a big help taking on the club but he didn't have much of a bedside manor when it came to tending to Jasper. He made it known too that he didn't like her doing it either.

"You know you don't have to be doing this. I can hire a nurse to take care of him," he told her a few days after Jasper came home from the hospital. Just in the last few days he had seen the change in her eyes when she looked at him. After the pain that Jasper had caused her the last thing he intended on seeing was them getting back together. Yeah he knew that he might love her but that was not going to protect her from the demons inside of Jasper.

"No, I want to take care of him," she told him and for the moment he let it go.

At first, it had been easy just making sure that he had what he needed and helping him get around and just taking care of him. Then he started to get better and it became less about caring for him and more about CARING for him.

It seemed like somewhere in the middle of everything she had let go of her anger towards him for the things he had done to her and the lies he had told. She finally understood that he had never meant to hurt her.

"What are you thinking about?" he had asked her one day when she had been over. They were lying in bed watching TV.

"I was just thinking that I wanted to tell you that I forgive you."

"Bella you have no idea how much I wish that I had just told you the whole story and…" he started to tell her but she stopped him before he could go too far.

"The past is the past and its okay. I hope that when all is said and done that we can put everything behind us and still be friends. I don't want to lose you. I still care about you," she let him know and saw the disappointment in his eyes. She couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear. She wanted to be able to but he had hurt her so bad that she was petrified of opening herself up to him again.

"I don't want to lose you either," he finally conceded thinking one-step at a time. A few weeks ago she wouldn't be in the same room with him and today she wanted to be friends. It gave him hope if nothing else.

It also gave her brother and Angela the same concerns.

Within two days of each other she had similar conversations with both of them on the subject of her new friendship with Jasper.

"So what is going on with you and Jasper? He is pretty much better now and there is no need for you to be here all the time," Emmett told her when he got home that night and found her still there.

"What is your problem? I am just over here to help. I thought that you would be happy to have me around but I guess spending time with me isn't important to you," she told him.

"Don't give me that crap. You know that any time I can spend with you makes me happy but little sister don't think that you can fool me as easily as you are fooling yourself. You are not here to see me or at this point to help out. The reason that you are here is because you are falling all over again for him," he laid out to her and she looked at him like she really didn't know what he was talking about. Either she was good or she didn't realize herself what was happening.

"Oh come on, you are here so much that I thought that you had moved back in. You might want to think about it and save some money on the rent. You are paying for an apartment that you are never at. And not to mention the fact that when you are spending the night that you are spending it with him."

"We are friends that is all. We were watching TV and I fell asleep and then well the couch isn't that comfortable…"

"Fine, sleep in my bed and I'll take the couch. You might not be able to see it but you are this close to falling right back into a relationship with him and I don't want to see that happen again. I love Jasper and he is my brother but I know even as much as he loves you that he will hurt you again and again if you let him back in."

"Didn't you tell me once that Jasper was a changed man and that he loved me?"

"Yes and he was different when he was with you but he hasn't really changed. The moment that you were out of his life he went right back to his old ways. I just don't see a good ending to all this if you end back up with him."

"I understand that you don't want to see me hurt again but honestly it is none of your business. I care about Jasper and that is never going to change. Right now we are just friends and as far as I know that is all we will remain. But no one knows what the future holds. Whatever happens it will be what I want. I don't tell you how to live your life so please don't try to do so with me."

The next day at lunch with Angela, she heard a very similar song with a different tune.

"So are you ever going to give Edward a chance and go out with him? He told Ben that he has been asking you forever and that you are yet to agree. You do realize that sooner or later he is going to stop asking you and you will have missed out on a great guy."

"I am not ready to get involved with anyone else right now. I still need time to recover from everything. Besides why are you pushing him on me? You hated it when I was dating Jasper because he was older."

"I hated him because I knew that he was not good enough for you and way older than you and a lot more reasons that I was all right about. Edward is a great guy that finished school, who has a good job with a future; he is sweet and down to earth. Basically he is everything that Jasper wasn't."

"It sounds like you have a thing for him," she joked but Angela didn't think it was that funny.

"I have Ben and he is all I need thank you very much but I want you to find what I have too."

"I did and I lost it and I'm not looking to find a replacement. Right now, if I was to go out with him that is all that he would be to me, a replacement for Jasper. I don't want a boyfriend."

"That is because you are still acting like you have one. I wouldn't be thinking about moving on and finding a new guy when you are behaving like Jasper is your boyfriend," she laid down to her.

"That is so not true," Bella said as her defense.

"Oh really, well you spend all your free time with him and you sleep over there almost every night and in bed with him I might add. You are doing everything that a girlfriend and a boyfriend do except having sex."

"That is not fair. You know that Jasper was hurt and…"

"And now he is better and you are still there with him. Face it you might be calling yourself his friend but there is a whole lot more going on there then that. You need to come to terms with this relationship and figure out what it is that you really want from him. I would bet a hundred dollars that if you don't figure it out in the next few weeks you will be right back in his bed and he will be screwing you all over and I mean that in more ways then one."

"We both know that you hate Jasper and that no matter what you are never going to think other wise. The thing is that you don't even know him. Yeah he hurt me but at the same time, he made me feel really special. It isn't like I can just turn off all those feelings I have for him," she told her and thought that they were probably right that she was still in love with him and could see herself right back in his life as more than a friend.

"And you never will if you are still playing house with him."

"I'm not playing house I'm being a friend. Besides my brother is staying there so what am I not to see my own brother?"

"One you shouldn't be friends with him. He is an ex-boyfriend for a reason. Second, you don't have to go over there to see Emmett. He can come over to your apartment or meet somewhere. You can do this but you have to want to. You made the step to move on by getting a job and a new apartment. You even have a new great guy trying to take you out. The choice is yours on the next direction of your life," Angela told her before getting up and walking away leaving her to think about what she had said.

The truth was that both Angela and Emmett was right, not that she would ever say that to either of them. She knew that she was starting to think about the life that they had together and how wonderful it had been to be with him. The only problem was that she had fallen so fast for him that she never really got to know everything about him. It was partly her own fault since she had been so in love with him that she forgot to think.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

Second Chances

Bella was lost in thought when she felt Jasper's hand brush against her leg. She look up at him wondering if it had been a purpose but he was busy going over the papers she had given to him.

She was uncertain if he was as affected by her as she was by him. In the last few weeks she had felt the heat being turned up when she was around him. She couldn't deny her attraction to him even now. She only wished that he felt it too. Yet he seemed unaffected by the close quarters they had been sharing. He seemed perfectly fine with the friend's only relationship they had developed.

"This is very good. I like the idea of a club geared towards a female client. Vegas had a few clubs like that and they do really well. A good male review is key and making it an atmosphere that is comfortable. Do you have any ideas on a name?" Jasper questioned happily surprised at her strong business sense. However, he had known from the start that having her in his corner would make all the difference with every aspect of his life.

"I tossed a few names around thinking that the name had to convey the whole theme of the club and well I came up with Flutter."

"Flutter…" Jasper asked not so sure of the name. In fact he was sure that he didn't like it. What kind of club was called Flutter?

"Just let it sink in before you dismiss it," she told him seeing the doubt all over his face. "It is to let women know what their hearts will do when they are in the club… Flutter. You know that feeling when you get excited with anticipation and excitement. You pulse starts to race and your heart starts to flutter," she tried to explain to him. It was the way he had always made her feel. The way he was making her feel right now as he stared at her with eyes that questioned but didn't ask.

"Okay, we go with Flutter. Do you have anything else for me?" Jasper quickly asked trying to keep his mind on business but it was becoming harder and harder. When she looked at him he understood that sensation all too well. His heart was doing that right now.

He had suggested that she work on this new club project with him in hopes to keep her near him. He had felt her slowly pulling away from him once he started to get better. First she stopped staying over and then she went back t work. He knew what was coming next and he would do anything to keep her with him.

"Well I have looked at a few buildings and I think that I might have found the perfect place. It isn't in the best shape but it has three positives, one is that it is dirt cheap, two you get to go in and design the place to suit the club that you are planning on having and three location," Bella let him know wondering what was going to happen when this project was finished?

"When can we look at it?"

"I'll call and find out. Are you ready to make an offer if it is the right place?" she asked.

"Let's just go and look at it and then we can go from there."

He was being quiet as they toured the building that she was sure was the right location for Flutter. He had given her control over much of this new project of opening a new club and she had to admit that it was an amazing feeling to take an idea and turn it into something real. Besides that it had given her something else to put her thoughts and attention into. It had helped some but not enough.

He thought that the place was a mess but the location was great and what was better was the price. Sure he would have to pour some money into redoing the place but even then it would still be a lot less than finding a place that was pretty much ready to go. She had a good eye for this stuff. He could easily imagine her running the company with him. They would be a hell of a pair.

"Let's do it. I want this place," he told her but what he really wanted was her.

"Are you sure?" she asked him wanting to want this place because he loved it not because she wanted him to want it.

"Completely so now let's go and get some dinner and celebrate the very soon opening of the hottest new club in town… Flutter."

She was having dinner with Jasper and she found herself thinking again about the idea of them getting back together. She knew that he had done the wrong thing when he lied or more like didn't tell her about being married or kind of married. That sounded really bad she knew but she just couldn't help herself from wanting him still. She wanted to be with him and have the life they had once planned. She didn't want to believe that it was all gone.

She had to admit to herself that if she had given herself time to cool of she would have forgiven him when it all happened and they would still be together. It had just been such a shock and she was hurt. More about the fact that he had thought he couldn't tell her more then about him going through an annulment.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" she asked wishing that she had the guts to tell him what was really on her mind and not just sit there and make small talk.

"Working… not like I have much else to do. At least it keeps me busy," he told her, wishing that he could tell her that he wanted her. No he needed her. It was one thing to have her in his life as a friend and working with her now but not having her as his own was a slow, painful death.

"I have to work too," she said. She had started back a few weeks ago and just like before she was using work as some thing to keep her busy and her mind off of Jasper.

"Well I won't keep you out too late," Jasper told her signaling for the check getting the hint that she wanted to go home. He wanted to ask her to come home with him if for nothing more than he didn't want to say good-bye to her just yet but he didn't. As hard as it was to respect her wishes to be just friends he was. He wasn't willing to chance losing her if he pushed for something more.

She had wanted for him to ask her to come over but instead he told her good night at the restaurant and went his own way. It took all her pride not to ask him if she could go home with him. Maybe the whole time she was getting over what he had done he was getting over her. She hadn't thought about that.

She couldn't blame him if he was. She was the one who left him and made it clear that she didn't want anything to do with him. Even now that she had forgiven him and they were friends she had kept things just that 'friendly'. She had made no notion that she wanted anything more from him. She couldn't expect him to read her mind. Besides why did she have to wait for him to make a move? She should just go to him and tell him straight out, 'let's give us another chance.' But she didn't. That was because she was afraid to hear him say no.

Bella had to admit the next day that she was in a bad mood. She was counting the minutes until work was over and she could get out of there and just go home eat like a pound of ice cream and sulk over the fact that Jasper didn't want her anymore. It was suppose to be what she wanted but it was honestly the very last thing she wanted now that it had happened.

"Hi stranger," came a voice that woke her from her own thoughts.

"What are you doing here?" she questioned of Edward. She hadn't talked to him in weeks. Not since she had been wrapped up in Jasper. Honestly she hadn't thought about him either.

"I could lie and say that it was just a fluke that I showed up here but the truth is that I came looking for you. I thought that we might go and get something to eat. I know that it is late for lunch and early for dinner but I thought that you might be hungry. So how about it?" he asked like the stupid idiot that he was.

"I don't know… I was thinking about just going home and not doing anything," she told Edward thinking that maybe just this once she should take a chance on him. It was becoming clearer and clearer that Jasper was not going to be apart of her life in that way anymore so why not?

"You can do nothing any time. Live on the edge for once and come with me," Edward dared her with more than his words. Those eyes of his was drawing her in and asking her to just let go. Jasper had done the same thing once. That seemed so long ago though…another life.

"Fine I'll go with you. You finally wore me down," she said with a smile that hid her sadness. She could not help thinking that this was her moving on. This was her realizing that things were really over between her and Jasper.

"Perfect."

Bella had to admit that to spite herself she was having a good time. Edward was really smart and sweet but he was also funny and witty. He made her feel at ease. He was very cute but in the boy next door way were Jasper was in the bad boy way. Angela was right; he was everything that Jasper wasn't.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Edward asked of her feeling like only part of her was there with him. Everything inside of his brain screamed forget about this girl but everything inside of his heart said do whatever it takes to make her yours.

"This is a nice place," she told him. The thing was it was a nice place and Edward was really sweet and cute but the thing of it was that he wasn't Jasper. It felt like cheating to be having dinner with another guy. She knew it was stupid considering the fact that they were not together anymore but her heart was still with him. She was just going to have to get use to that fact. Jasper was forever going to hold her heart.

"So after all this time of saying no to me what finally made you say yes? I was about to give up I have to admit," he let her know but with another smile spread across his face.

"Me saying no all those times had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me just getting out of a serious relationship and there was some issues unresolved that left me a little wary of the whole dating thing," she told him and then added, "But we worked out all that and are friends now. That was why I haven't been around lately. He got into a really bad accident and I have been helping him out."

"He doesn't have any other friends?" he said as a half joke.

"Not really. He relocated here not too long ago so besides me and my brother he doesn't know anyone that well."

"Is that how you met him, through your brother?"

"No but all that is a really long and complicated story that I know you have no desire to hear," she told him and thought that she should have just went home. This date thing was turning into a big mess. Even she knew you never talk about an ex.

"Let me decide what I do and don't want to hear. Tell me your life story," he told her wanting to know more about this girl. He wanted to know what was causing her the pain that he saw in her eyes and how he could make it go away.

"Really I don't want to talk about it. I'm trying to get over all that and him…" she said and stared down at the table.

"Do you still love him?" he questioned. He needed to know right now before he let anything happen between them if she wasn't over this guy. As much as he wanted to get to know her he was not looking to be some rebound.

"Edward…"

"I just need to know. It is only fair to me."

"Jasper was so much to me. He was my first everything… my kiss, my first boyfriend, first lover. He was also the person who saved me when I needed it. He taught me a lot about life and myself. I owe him. The truth is I will always probably love him in some way. That was why I kept turning you down. There was no way that I was ready to get involved with someone else and I also didn't want to get someone else in the middle of me getting over him. You are free to run now," she told him without telling him the truth. She did still love Jasper and always would.

"So where do we go from here?" he asked and her.

She couldn't give him an answer.

The moment that Bella walked into the door Jasper knew that something was different. He wasn't sure what but it was there. She couldn't look at him. She acted like she was about to bolt.

"Where is Emmett?" she asked. She had thought about not coming over for dinner but her brother was going to be there. She needed to talk to him about everything that was going on in her head. She was at one of those crossroads in life and she needed some advice. Emmett would tell her which way she should be going whether she wanted to know or not.

"Didn't he call you? He ended up going out with Rosalie. It is just the two of us but that is okay with me if that is okay with you," he asked and when she didn't answer he took it as an okay, "Everything is almost done so why don't you get the plates out and all that," he told her.

"What's on your mind?" he asked half way through dinner when she hadn't eaten anything and barely said a word.

"Nothing really, I just have a lot on my mind," she told him without looking at him afraid that he would see that what was on her mind was him.

"Want to tell me about it?"

"Not really. I think that I might just go on home," she told him thinking she couldn't do this anymore. She could not be with him and not be with him. It was too hard to be his friend. Her dinner with Edward had only made her feelings for Jasper all the more clear.

"Please don't go. I want to talk to you about some things," he told her, "I was seriously thinking about opening up another club after Flutter. It came to me last night. I want to call it Bitter but other than that I don't have anything worked out. I want you to help me plan it just like you did with Flutter."

"I can't," was all she said as she got up. She dumped her plate in the sink with a clink and a thud. The sound echoed around the too quiet room.

"Why not?"

"Because I just can't and you shouldn't be asking me anyways. I have to get on with my own life you know. I can not just keep hanging around with you all the time pretending like everything is fine when we both know it isn't," she half yelled at him.

"I don't understand what you are saying. Did I do something that I don't know about?" Jasper questioned wanting to grab her and shake it out of her.

"You told me you loved me and you broke my heart. That is what you did wrong. The worst part of it is that my love for you didn't die when it happened it just got damaged," Bella confessed to him and then she made another confession, "I went out on a date last night," she told him and watched as his eyes change. Darkness entered and she saw for the first time that maybe he wasn't over her, "He was sweet and nice and charming but he wasn't you. All I could think was he is perfect but he is not Jasper. I felt like I was cheating on you being out with him because I still love you," she confessed yet again.

"Why haven't you said anything to me?" he asked as his world started to spin.

"Because at first I was hurt, then angry, and finally scared. I kept hoping that you would tell me you wanted to get back together but you didn't. I started to think you were over me. That led me to dinner with Edward which led me to realize that I could not go on with things like there were."

"I don't know what I want to do more shake you or kiss you. No I haven't told you how I'm feeling for one because I thought you knew and two you told me you just wanted to be friends. I have been dying inside every time you are near and I can't touch you. It has been killing me to not beg you for another chance but I was afraid of you deciding you couldn't be friends with me either. I only agreed to that you know because I would have agreed to about anything to still have you in my life in some way. You are the only woman that I have or ever will love. I would do anything for another chance," he explained to her feeling like everything was going to be alright. For the first time in a long time he had a reason to smile.

"I still love you so much it hurts sometimes, "she told him.

"I feel the same way," Jasper whispered to her taking her into his arms drinking in the smell of her. Thank God! She had come back to him. He was never going to let her go again.

"When you got into the accident it made me realize that we don't know when this life is going to be over and I all I could do was sit and pray for one more day together, one more night together, one more hour, one more minute. Anything at all just so I had the chance to look into your eyes and tell you that I love you still and always would. But I have learned too that love doesn't mean forever and kisses are not promises and making love is not a guarantee," Bella told him, wounded but still hopeful. They say you have to kiss a lot of toads to find your prince but she still wanted to believe that she had found hers on the first kiss. Still part of her had doubts, "This is it; there will be no other chances. If you ever hurt me again I will walk away from you without looking back," she warned him.

"I swear I will never hurt you again," he promised, "You have made me so happy. So when are you going to move back in?" he asked feeling like he was floating on air. The weight of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. He had been given another chance. This time he was going to do everything right. He could not lose her again.

"Let's not get that far ahead. But I was thinking that I might spend the night, if that's okay with you?" she asked with a smile that told him what she was talking about. Now that they had said they still loved each other and were going to get back together all she could think about was how much she wanted him. Her skin ached and crawled to be touched by him. She could feel the tiny sensations running over her suddenly too warm flesh at the thoughts of them making love again. The flashes of the things his fingertips could do to her played in her mind.

"You have no idea how much I would like that…"

"Wait…I have to ask you a few things first," she told him not going back into this the same girl as last time.

"I'll tell you anything."

"Are you still married?"

"No. I went to Vegas that same night you found out and we came to an agreement. The annulment went through and as far as the world is concerned I have never been married."

"That is good. I didn't like the idea of knowingly sleeping with a married man," she said.

"What other questions do you have for me?" he asked wondering if the next ones were going to be as easy to answer as the first.

"Have you been seeing anyone?"

"Have I been dating…no." he told her. It was the truth if that was what she was asking. He was no sure that was what she meant by that question.

"Alright so you didn't go out to dinner or the movies with anyone but…"

"You mean like you…" he threw at her and wished he hadn't. It was petty and uncalled for.

"Yes I guess like me. I don't even regret it because it was what made me admit my feelings for you. But that was all I did, just that one dinner with Edward. No kissing, no holding hands, no anything. Can you say the same thing?" Bella demanded.

"What happens if I can't say the same thing?" Jasper questioned thinking that he had come too far for it too all blow up in his face.

"I don't know…" she whispered.

She said that she did not know but one look at her face and he knew. If he was to tell her about the girls that he had been with even if it was while they were broken up she would not be able to get past it. He would lose her all over and he was not willing to do that.

"It has only ever been you."


	10. Chapter 10

I own nothing.

CHAPTER TEN

More Mistakes

A month…. that she was how long she was back together with Jasper before the whole thing blew up in her face once again.

It had been a normal night. No reason to think that something was about to go wrong. Jasper was at work and Emmett was out with Rosalie. She had gone over to Jasper's house after work to spend the night. She was sitting watching TV thinking that yeah maybe she should move back in. She had only been home to get clothes since her and Jasper had gotten back together. She was already basically living there anyways and it would save a lot of money on rent and gas that was for sure. But there was still that small part of her that thought what if it doesn't work?

She knew that wasn't the way she should be feeling and how could she ever be committed to this relationship if in the back of her mind she had one foot out the door with an emergency exit plan.

It was time to either put all the chips in or fold.

It was during that thought that the doorbell rang and she went to answer it wondering who it could be.

"Is Jasper home," asked the small dark haired little pixie standing on the other side of the door.

"No," Bella announced thinking who are you and how do you know him?

"Is he at the club?" she questioned in a too high baby voice that grated on her nerves instantly.

"Who are you?" Bella demanded.

"Who are you?" she asked with an attitude as if they were standing in opposite spots right now.

"I'm his girlfriend," Bella shot back thinking 'I don't know who this chick was but I'm about to punch her in the face'.

"Oh…." she announced giving Bella the once over before saying, "I guess I should say thank-you. He wanted to be with you so bad that he paid me off very nicely. Oh yeah, I'm Alice the wife," she fucking giggled and it took all Bella had not to slap her.

"Ex…in fact he got the whole thing annulled so you really never were his wife," Bella hissed through gritted teeth. It was taking everything in her not to slap her just for what she put Jasper through. Not to mention what she had put her through.

"You can look at it any way you like but what Jasper and I shared didn't end when we signed those papers. Now did you say he was at the club? He left his watch the last time he came to see me. I know he must be missing it," she told her with a smile that showed what a bitch she really was.

She tried to stay calm. She tried not to freak out and jump to conclusions. It was not easy. All she could think was why did she have Jasper's watch? Just a few days ago he had commented that he had lost his watch and needed to get a new one. She had planned to surprise him with a new one.

Before she could let herself freak out she had to talk to Jasper. She had to hear what Jasper had to say not what some bitter ex-whatever had to say. She grabbed her keys and headed over to the club. She parked next to his car and then the shaking started as she took the stairs to his office. All she could think was even if he has to lie to me please let him tell me it isn't what I think.

Even though she had the keys to the door she knocked and waited for him to open and tell her everything was okay. It was almost like if he was doing something she wanted to give him a chance to cover it up. How wrong did that sound?

"Hi," she said with a hopeful smile but as his eyes darkened her smile faded.

"What are you doing here?" he asked and she knew. She knew that he was hiding something from her. The guilt was written all over his face.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"I wish you would have called first. I'm in a meeting right now," he told her and she knew he was lying to her. It was confirmed when she heard a familiar too high baby voice call, "Get rid of who ever it is and get back in here."

Right then she should have just left but she had to know once and for all the truth. She pushed her way in pass Jasper and came face to face once again with the girl who had ruined everything.

"I should have known you would come running over here making sure that Jasper was behaving himself. Unfortunately he was. It is okay though saves me the trip back over to the house to give you these," she announced handing Bella a stack of pictures. She glanced at the top of it which was Jasper with a girl.

"When Jasper and I were going through the whole annulment thing like you like to say he was not being so nice and I decided to help out my case. I hired a PI to follow him and get as much dirt on him as he could. As you can see I got my money worth. Some of the girls were before he came here as shown by the date on the photos. But a visit here not too long ago by my PI caught him with not one but three or four different girls when I believe he was suppose to be with you," Alice informed her with a demented little smile.

"I told you that I would get you back for not giving me that money. What was a few more thousand considering what you already gave me," Alice informed him as he just stood there not believing this bitch had ruined his life once again.

"Get the fuck out…NOW," was all he could say as murder entered his mind.

"I'm going. My work here is done. You really thought that you could change him. You thought that he loved you but Jasper loves no one. Not even himself. You'll thank me for this someday," she told Bella as she left thinking Jasper might not have given her the money but she had gotten a lot more in pay back.

There must be at least twenty pictures there with just as many girls. Like Alice had said most of them were from before Bella knew him but some were from when they had broken up. One was even from the night of Jasper's accident.

"Bella…" he said fearing the worst.

She just turned and looked at him like she didn't know him. Disgust was what he saw in her eyes. Without her saying anything he knew where he stood.

"That was all before you and when we were not together. I have never ever cheated on you or even thought about it," he told her pleading his case but it was too late she had reached her decision.

"You think that matters. Well it doesn't. This makes me sick. You make me sick," she yelled throwing the pictures at him and they fell around him as his sins rained down on him.

"Let me explain…" he asked but he honestly did not know what to say to her.

"I gave you that opportunity. I asked you when we were getting back together if there had been anyone when we were apart and you lied to me. You looked me in the face and lie to me again. How could you do that to me? After everything you had done to me I still loved you and forgave you…for what? To be used and lied to. You are a horrible human being. You never loved me and I wish I never loved you," she screamed at him running down the stairs.

She waited for the tears to come but they didn't. Only anger filled her. He was right he hadn't cheated on her in the sense of the word but to her he might was well have. The haunting images of all those nameless girls with him flooded her mind making her sick to her stomach.

It was over. She was too in love with him to stay there and die a little everyday wondering if today was the day he did cheat on her. The thing was he probably wouldn't think anything of it considering it was clear sex was not a big deal for him. Just thinking about him with other girls made her want to throw up.

What else had he lied to her about? Promises meant nothing to him. He had sworn that he would never tell her another lie as long as he lived. How long had that lasted? God she once again started questioning everything he had ever said and did. Damn him!

She didn't bother to go back to the house to pick up the few random things of hers that had made their way over there. There was no way she could walk back into that place knowing there was nothing left there for her. Her dreams, her innocence, and her heart were all laying scattered around in the house built on lies.

That night as she lay alone in her own bed once again waiting to break down yet she didn't. She was sure that when he called in the bleak hours of the night that she would for sure wipe tears from her cheeks but nothing came even when she heard his voice begging her to pick up and let him explain. She turned off the phone, closed her eyes, and thought as she drifted off that she must be in shock or something.

Five phone calls later and Bella still had not called him back and Jasper realized that she had enough. She didn't care what he had to say. She was through with his reasons and excuses. An email hours later told him that he had been right.

Jasper,

I know that I should be doing this in person but I really couldn't think about facing you right now. Looking at you right now would just be too painful so forgive me for doing this like this.

I wanted to believe that the fairy tale I was living when we started dating was going to last this time. But I guess I always knew that there was no real fairy tales anymore and the evil witch paid me a visit better known as your ex. I really wanted to hurt her but realized that she wasn't to blame and killing the messenger wasn't going to change the message. Then I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Thinking about you in the arms of those other nameless girls was too much for me to bear. How could you make love to someone other than me? I know that we were broken up but that didn't stop me loving you but maybe it did for you. Or maybe you never loved me at all. Because I believe that if you loved me the way you claimed you did you would have never been able to touch those other girls the way you touched me. Then you lied to me about it. You know how much that alone would hurt me. I have always been honest with you.

I had a simple dinner with a guy and the guilt ate at me feeling like I was betraying you but I still told you because I did not want that between us. That was how much I loved and respected you. The same can not be said for you.

That was when I knew I couldn't be with you anymore. I could never look at you again without thinking about the fact it was so easy for you to slip into the beds of those other girls. It so easy for you to look at me and lie.

How could you? How could you think so little of what we had? How could you think so little of me?

It is over. It has to be over. I can't be with you anymore and I don't want to love you anymore. I finally realized the fairy tale never existed. No happily ever after for us.'

He pushed delete on the email thinking that would make it all disappear but the reality of it was he had fucked up again and she had really left him.

How was it that he kept hurting her? How did he keep making mistake after mistake? He must be some kind of masochist. It was as if everything in his life wasn't royally fucked up he didn't know how to react. And now he had gone and done it again. She had left him and this time she would not be coming back. He couldn't blame her.

When she was with him, everything was okay. He was the person that he wanted to be. Loving her made him better. She gave him purpose and direction and the times that she wasn't with him, like the life he led before he met her and the time she had left him he just messed everything up. Now she was gone again and he knew where his life was heading again, nowhere.

He picked up the phone to call her and it went straight to voice mail. He wasn't surprised.

"I got your email. I could make up excuses but what is the point? I messed things up again. That is what I do best. The sad thing is they really did mean nothing to me. You called them girls with no names and that is exactly what they were to me. I never made love to them. I never touched them like I touched you. It was nothing like what we shared. There was no love involved only sex. Maybe that makes it all the worse. I want to beg you to forgive me and give me yet another chance but even I know I don't have the right to do that. I love you. I will never not love you. I want you to know that when I was with you I was only with you and that when that was I was a better man. You made me so much more than I ever thought I could be. I wish you could say that. I really went and fucked this up. Damn…" was the last thing she heard as the message stopped.

Two days later when flowers showed up at her door she was sure that they were more from Jasper but as she sat down the roses she was surprised to find that another boy had sent them.

"I am and I think I did… Edward." That is what the card said.

"What the heck is that suppose to mean?" Angela asked when Bella told her later that day at lunch.

"I was hoping you would know," she said. She was yet to call him not knowing what he had meant by his flowers and card. Besides that she didn't know what to say to him. She hadn't talked to him since that night they shared a meal. That had been a lifetime ago to her.

"Well I would think it means something good considering it came with flowers."

"Flowers are sent to a funeral too you know. I mean I really don't know what to say to him. We haven't talked in weeks and he has no clue about my brief getting back together with Jasper."

"Keep it that way too. It was just a moment of temporary insanity and you shouldn't be punished for that. I'm just glad that you are finally done with that creep. I think every girl goes through that bad boy phase and he was yours. And just like you, they all find out that you can't really ever change them. Enough about him," Angela told her like talking about him left a bad taste in her mouth, "So what is the game plan with Edward?"

"Game plan?"

"Yeah, game plan. You can't just sit back and hope that things turn out like you want them to, especially when dealing with a guy. They need direction and guiding in the way you want them to act. Think of it was training a puppy," Angela informed her with a laugh.

"I don't know why guys are always compared to dogs because from my view point dogs are so much more loyal than guys and yes you can train a dog but men not so much," thinking that Jasper needed a leash and a choke collar.

"So true my friend so true…"

She thought that Edward would have called her by now considering that it was the next day and she was yet to call him to thank him for the flowers. She felt horrible for blowing him off but she still didn't know what to say to him and still didn't when she finally did call him that night.

"I was wondering if you were going to call," Edward said to her his voice light with happiness.

"I'm sorry. I just had a lot going on. Thank you very much for the flowers. It was very thoughtful of you and they were gorgeous. I have to admit that I still don't quite understand what the card meant," she told him.

"It was my cleaver way of telling you something. If you find out what purple roses mean then you will get what it meant."

"You know you could just come out and tell me," she said, walking over to her computer and goggled the meaning of purple roses.

"It is more fun this way," he told her, "How about I take you out somewhere? We haven't gotten to see each other in awhile and I'll admit that I missed you. We could go see a movie," he asked.

"Okay," she agreed even though her heart wasn't into it. Her heart was never going to be in it though. Kind of like going to get your flu shot but you still did it.

"I'll be over in about thirty minutes," he told her hanging up as she clicked on the link to see what purple roses meant.

He smiled at her as she opened her door and she melted a little. She didn't want to like him but it seemed impossible not to want to be wrapped in the warmth of his eyes. She wanted him to look at her and make her forget. But that wasn't fair to him. It wasn't even fair to her.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Do you have your heart set on a movie because I was hoping that we might stay here and talk," she asked him.

"If that is what you want."

Once he was in there sitting on her couch, she wished that they had just gone to the movies. She wasn't ready for this. She felt like she couldn't breathe.

"You look so serious."

"I looked up the meaning of the purple roses and well…"

"Well…" he said and thought that he might have made a mistake putting it all out there to her so soon.

"I don't know quite what to say. I mean…," she said getting up to pace the room.

"I meant it all. I am without a doubt enchanted by you. It is like you cast a spell over me and as hard as I try to tell myself that you are not over this guy and you are not even wanting to get to know me I find myself still captivated by your smile and so many other little things about you. As you might have noticed, I didn't call you for a few weeks. I told myself to leave you alone and if you wanted to see or talk to me, you would contact me. But you didn't and though I know I should have took the hint I could not stop thinking about you and so I thought I'll try one more time and I'll make sure I tell her what I am feeling and if she blows me off or shots me down well at least I tried and I will know. Hence the flowers and yeah I think maybe I did kind of fall in love with you that first random night at that party that you should have never been at. I'm not saying that I'm in love with you but something clearly happened to me when we met. I know that you have issues with a guy that you are still working on and I understand that. I am not asking for anything other than a chance. Let me in and get to know me. We can call it friends for now and we will see what comes from it. Do you think that you want to do that?" he asked her and thought there was a real chance that she would turn him down.

He could see her struggling with the demons inside of her left from this other guy who claimed to love her. He had never really loved her he knew but she was only starting to figure that out. It would take time he understood for her to realize he had really done a number on her. No one you love should hurt you like that, especially your first love.

"I don't really think that it is fair to you to ask you to stick around and be my friend hoping that in time it will be more. I feel so messed up right now that I don't know if I will ever be whole enough again to give to you what you need or want," she explained to him thinking that the man who she thought was her savior was more like her destroyer.

"Let that decision be left up to me. You have been completely honest with me letting me know that you still have issues with an ex and that you are not ready for another relationship right now. I am walking into this without blinders on. The thing is I have high hopes when it comes to you, me, and us. I believe in second chances and love after lost. Neither of us comes into this pure and untouched by the past whether it is lovers or other people. I want you in my life and I honestly think that you might need me in yours," he explained to her wanting to be the man who made her smile again.

"I guess if you are okay with how things are right now than the least I could do is give you a chance. No promises though."

"Deal. You know we can still catch that movie…"

For about a month everything went as she hoped with Edward. He kept his word and was being her friend and not pushing for them to go down another path. The thing was she felt herself slowly letting go of Jasper and the pain that he caused her and letting herself think; maybe. Maybe love was giving her a second chance.

It wasn't that she had stopped loving Jasper since she doubted that was something that was ever going to happen but she had at least found a way to move forward knowing that she loved him but that being with him was not in her future. You can love someone more than life and they still are not the person you are meant to be with.

Plus she found that as hard as she tried to keep things light with Edward and be just friends it was becoming more. She found herself thinking about him in other terms. He was so sweet and nice. He was really laid back and always had a smile on his face. And he was very funny. He made her laugh all the time which like they say was the best medicine.

She was not over Jasper or in love with Edward but she thought that maybe one day both could happen. Maybe one day she would stop being consumed by this unnatural desire for Jasper and maybe then she would wake up and realize that she could and did love Edward.

Then it happened. She got what she thought was the flu but when three days later she was still throwing up she went to the doctor. They confirmed what she feared, she was pregnant. She was going to have Jasper's baby. Instead of joy it felt like a very cruel joke. It was the worst thing that could happen to her. What was she going to do? Why had this happened now?

All her hopes of a second chance with Edward were over. Her need to have Jasper out of her life for good and forget the past was gone. She had to tell the both of them that she was pregnant and she didn't know which was going to be harder.

"What is wrong?" Edward asked her a few nights later when he showed up at her place. She had blown him off when he called the past two days and he had taken it upon himself to just show up. That was kind of his way.

"Everything…" she moaned. All she wanted to do was hide. Hide from him, hide for Jasper, and hide from the life growing inside of her.

"Is this about us? I thought that things were going really well between us so if there is something that I don't know I would like to."

"This was going perfect and that is what makes this all the more horrible. You have to understand that I never wanted this to happen. I never planned for it to happen and yet it still did and there is no changing it," she told him as she tried not to cry.

"What is going on? You are talking but not saying anything," he told her and knew as his heart sunk that something was really wrong and she was about to say something to him that was going to change everything for them.

"It is about Jasper kind of," she explained.

"When are you going to get over that guy when all he did was lie to you and betray you? I can't conceive why you would give one more thought to him. Why are you even thinking about him?" he questioned and thought when is she going to see this guy for his true colors. How many times is he going to break her before she lets him go?

"I don't even know how to tell you this other than just say it. I haven't been completely honest with you. Those few weeks we didn't talk or see each other after we had dinner it was because I got back together with Jasper," she told him feeling lower than low. She was no better than Jasper, "I wasn't over him and had to give us another chance. I had to know if we could make it work this time. We couldn't. When I left I left it all behind," but that was just another lie she was telling him and herself. She was never truly going to be free of Jasper, especially now.

She watched as his eyes widened and she knew it was the last thing he ever expected to hear. It was breaking her heart to see his disappointment in her. He got up and moved away from her pacing the room. She could almost see him withdrawing away from her. It was already over before it ever begun. She couldn't blame him.

"Listen I know that this changes everything and I don't expect anything from you. I just have to face it that sometime there is no happy ending. Some time evil wins and the good guys don't ride off into the sunset with the girl," she said and started building another wall around her heart.

"I have to go," he told her and she was surprised when he sailed out the door before she could even tell him about the baby. She guessed it didn't matter now anyways. She knew he had just walked out of her life.

Four days later Edward hadn't called her and she hadn't talked to Jasper. She understood now that the first wasn't going to happen and the second needed to.

She had to be a big girl now and face what she had let happen and what needed to be done. This wasn't something that was going to just go away. Time wasn't going to fix this.

It was early evening when she drove over to the club. She was going to wait until he was home but that also meant waiting until Emmett wasn't around and she couldn't wait anymore. She might chicken completely out if she did and relocate to the North Pole.

Her knock was soft but he somehow heard it and went to the back door to his office. He knew that it was going to be her before he even opened the door. The question was why was she there?

"I need to talk to you," she told him when his eyes met hers.

"Come in."

She walked in and she saw clips of her past all around. This place held a lot of memories and it was sad to relive the happiness since now there was only sadness.

"How have you been?" she asked not knowing how to tell him. She could not even look at him. The pain from before was still right there on the surface. It had never went away. It never was.

"How do you think? You will never know how my life has been without you and how much I've missed you. Do you know how hard it was for me to finally admit to myself that you were not coming back? Once I did though there has been no real reason to wake up in the morning."

"I look in your eyes and I see the storm that rages and I understand now that you are a man full of demons. Too many demons for one man. I can't believe I never saw it before. You are not the person that I thought you were. You're not the answer to my dreams and my price charming. You have somehow became a villain who stole my life," she told him as if she was seeing him for the first time. She had wanted him so bad to be her happy ending that she never looked inside the book too closely. If she had she would have seen all these things.

"I'm no saint but I'm no villain either. I'm just a man that has made mistakes and yes have demons that were only ever vanquished when I was with you," he explained to her as he longed to reach out and touch her. The sweet alluring smell of her perfume drifted through the air crushing his lungs but he still breath deeply.

"I can't make things better for you. You have to deal with whatever is raging inside of you making you the person that you are. The alcohol and the women are just ways of you covering up what is really going on. You have to do it for yourself and you need to do it for your child," she let slip out and her tears once again. It all felt so wrong. She knew it sounded horrible but she didn't want to be here telling Jasper that he was going to be a father. Not like this, not now. Once she thought it would have been a dream come true but now like everything else that involved him it was a nightmare.

"What are you saying?" he asked grabbing her arm and forcing her to look at him.

"I said that you are going to be a father. I'm pregnant. I finally realized that the way I was feeling wasn't the flu," she said and saw him staring at her, "I'm about nine weeks or so."

"You got to be kidding me? There is no way…," he half yelled and she could smell the booze on his breath. He was pretty close to being drunk.

"I honestly wish I was but I'm not. Here are the results," she said handing him the paper from the doctor.

He looked it over and she could see that he realized that she really was pregnant. Then he said the most horrible, hateful thing anyone had ever said to her.

"Are you sure that it's mine?"

Without thinking she reached back and slapped him across the face as hard as she could. The imprint of her hand was visual on his cheek which gave her a moment of satisfaction.

"What was that for?" he dared asked holding his face.

"How dare you even imply that there was even a chance that this wasn't your baby?" she screamed at him.

"Hey I'm not the one who has been hanging out with some other guy. Rosalie told Emmett that some guy has been coming around to see you at the store. How do I know that he isn't the father? How do I know that he isn't the reason that you left me?" he demanded.

"I can't talk to you. I can't even look at you," Bella hissed as she ran towards the door. She was on the second step when Jasper caught up to her grabbing her by the arm.

"Take your hands off of me. You make me sick. God only knows that I wish you were not the father of this child. You are going to make a horrible father," she let him know trying to pull her arm away from him.

"Bella, for the love of God stop. I'm sorry I didn't mean what I said. Just come back inside so we can talk," he pleaded with her.

"I hate you," she said tugging hard on her arm until she pulled it free. In doing so, she lost her footing and felt herself tumbling down the stairs. The last thing she heard was Jasper screaming her name.


	11. Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

The Blame Game

He stared at her crumpled body at the bottom of the stairs, horrified. She wasn't moving. She looked like a rag doll with her arms and legs lying in unnatural positions. He wanted to scream. He wanted to run to her. The problem was he seemed frozen in place unable to move. What had he done?

The next few hours were a haze. Somehow he had managed to call 911. Then he sat next to her holding back tears as he waited for someone to come and save her because he could not save her. How could he when he was the one who had destroyed her?

After the EMT arrived it all went really fast. Now sitting at the hospital waiting to hear how she was, waiting for Emmett to show up, and waiting to have explain what had happened; time had stopped. Just as his heart had.

"Where is she?" Emmett demanded as he came rushing into the hospital with Rosalie right behind him.

"I don't know. No one is telling me anything," Jasper moaned thinking that he really needed a drink. He needed more than one drink. But he had already had too many. If he hadn't been drinking to begin with he might have been able to save her. What had he done?

"What the hell happened?" Emmett demanded.

"She lost her footing on the stairs outside the club. It happened so fast. Before I could blink she was lying there at the bottom of the stairs," he told him leaving out all the other details.

"Are you sure that is all that happened?" he questioned not believing for one second that was the end of what happened.

"Yeah," he said but couldn't look him in the eyes when he said it.

"What the hell was she even doing there anyways?" he questioned, wanting answers. The last time that he had talked to his sister, she told him that it was over for good with them. He had believed her so why was she there?

"She had something to talk to me about," he told him not telling him what that was. God the baby! He had almost forgotten. How had he forgotten? What had he done?

"Exactly what did she need to talk to you about?" Emmett demanded through gritted teeth, grabbing him by the shirt. He should have killed Jasper the moment he found out about him and his sister. He had known deep down in his soul that Jasper was going to hurt her he just never knew it would be physically. God, what had he done?

"Emmett, stop it. Blaming him is not going to help anything. If Bella was over there she must have had her reasons," Rosalie informed him trying to pull him off Jasper, "Look, here comes the doctor."

"How is my sister?" Emmett questioned letting Jasper off the hook for the moment but he knew there was more to his story than what he was letting on. If he had to beat it out of him he would find out what had really happened.

"She is going to be okay. Amazingly, she mostly received just some bad bruises. She did hit her head and we were worried about some injury to her brain but she is awake now and appears okay. We are going to do a few tests to make sure but she was very lucky. I'm sorry but I can't say the same for her baby," he let out and Emmett and Rosalie's eyes both flew open in shock and disbelief. Jasper hung his head and felt his heart break in a way that couldn't be repaired, "The first few months are fragile and the fall caused a miscarriage. I'm sorry."

"Does she know?" Jasper asked numb. What had he done?

"We told her. She is in her room now resting. We gave her something for the pain so she might be a little out of it. You can go see her," the doctor told them.

"Thank-you doctor," Rosalie said as she felt Emmett's body go ridged.

Jasper didn't speak to either of them. He just turned to walk out needing to get away. He knew that Bella wouldn't want to see him. Why would she? He knew that he couldn't even look at himself. He couldn't face her either. He made it just out the doors when he felt someone come up from behind and grab him, throwing him to the ground. A second later Emmett stood over him with pure rage in his eyes.

"This…you did all this to her. I want to know now what the fuck happened tonight."

"Get off of me. I love her and it was my baby too," Jasper hissed as tears started to form in his eyes as it really hit him. The pain in his chest was like having a thousand pounds sitting right there pressing down.

"Emmett, enough…" Rosalie told him, trying to pull him off. He let go and Jasper got up and look at who use to be his brother. He didn't see that person anymore. All he saw was hate and contempt.

"I love your sister and I always will. I lost a child tonight and I already lost Bella so can you please cut me some fucking slack," he demanded and walked off thinking that there was no amount of liquor that was going to kill this pain. He had lost everything.

Emmett stood there looking at the man who had been his brother and best friend, the guy who had gotten him through some tough shit and the person who had always had his back and thought he never wanted to look at his fucking face again.

"Let's go see Bella," Rosalie whispered pulling him back into the hospital.

She had been crying since she woke up and was informed in what seemed such a cold and unfeeling way that she was fine but her baby was gone. What a cruel thing to be told. No one should ever have to hear those words. Why had God done this to her? Why had he let her live and taken her child?

A wave of guilt washed over her so intense that if she was not lying down already she would have crumbled. This was all her fault. God had given her nothing she hadn't asked for. she had wished for this. she had wished she wasn't pregnant and now she wasn't.

she remembered fighting with Jasper and pulling away. She was the reason that she had fallen down those stairs. She had wanted to get away from him so bad that she hadn't thought about anything other than that. Look what she had done thinking only of herself?

As much as she thought that she didn't want this child now that she had lost it she felt like she had lost a part of herself that could never be replaced. This was something that you never get over she thought. No amount of time was going to heal her broken soul.

"How are you feeling?" she heard and looked over to see Emmett standing there.

"Sore," she whispered not knowing how to face him. He must know everything. She felt so ashamed. She could only imagine what he thought about her.

"I'm sure," he said thinking that he didn't know what to say to her, "I'm sorry."

"It's my fault…," she groaned as the tears slipped out again.

"Nothing is your fault. It was an accident, right?" he asked wanting her to tell him the truth… that somehow Jasper had done all this.

"I slipped on the stairs," she told him not able to tell him the truth.

"Jasper had nothing to do with it?"

"No, he tried to hold on to me," Bella explained to him thinking that he had been trying to keep her there and she had been fighting to get away. If she had just not been struggling with him none of this would have happened.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Bella didn't need for him to explain what he was talking about. She knew what he wanted to know.

"I just found out myself. I was there tonight to tell Jasper," she softly answered and then thought… what about Jasper? "Does he know? Does Jasper know about the baby?" she questioned of Emmett secretly wondering why he hadn't been there to see her. All she could think was that he didn't care what happened to her or their child.

"He was there when the doctor told us."

"Is he here?" she couldn't stop herself from asking. As much as she hadn't wanted to see him earlier, all she wanted was to see him now. He was the only one who could understand this emptiness she felt.

"No. He left. Rosalie is here though. Do you want to talk to her?"

"No."

Bella woke up hours later. It was dark in her room but she could see someone sitting in the chair next to her. She figured that it was Emmett. He had left hours ago when she told him she just want to be alone and sleep but she figured that he had come back anyways.

"I thought I told you to go home?"

"If that is what you really want."

"Jasper."

"I just wanted to make sure that you were okay. They told me you were but I wanted to make sure for myself. I knew that you were not going to want to see me so I waited until you were sleeping," he explained to her moving into the light by her bed.

He looked like hell. It looked like he might have been crying and or drinking. She could see the pain in his face. She hurt for him. Tears flooded her eyes as they shared a glance that only the two of them could understand. It was that of despair over the lose they shared, the love that had been there once, and the understanding that nothing could change any of it.

"Well I better get out of here and let you get some sleep," he told her not able to stand there and look at the tears in her eyes, the tears he had caused.

"I'm sorry," she said to him. This was her doing.

"You have no reason to be sorry. This mess, the pain is all me. I am alone in the blame," he told her, looking at her thinking how sad and broken she looked. He had taken an innocence, sweet girl and totally destroyed her, "I'm going out of town for a while. I need some time. I was just going to leave but I felt like I should tell you."

"When are you coming back?" she questioned.

"I'm not sure, maybe never."

'_Maybe never'_ echoed around in her mind taking over all other thoughts. Jasper had left town and he had told her he might not be coming back. She knew that he was leaving because of her. Even though he said he was at fault she knew that he blamed her and couldn't stand to be around her.

Only weeks ago all she had wanted was to be free of Jasper and all the memories that she couldn't leave behind. She had just wanted to forget that there had ever been a Jasper. He had hurt her so bad. He had taken her dreams of happiness and taught her that it didn't exist. Even when she found out that she was going to have his child she had not wanted it because it meant Jasper was still going to be in her life.

Now the baby was gone, Jasper was gone, and all she wanted now was what she had wished away. Somewhere in her brain there was a voice laughing telling her, 'be careful what you wish for.'

"Ready to go?" Emmett asked coming to take her home from the hospital the next day.

"I hope I never ever see the inside of this place again."

Sleep to escape was all Bella wanted but it eluded her. The days and nights that followed was full of nightmares and memories of what use to be. She locked herself up in her apartment refusing to see anyone. She could not face them. The last thing she wanted was to hear another _I'm sorry_.

She spent every second thinking about and picking apart her life since the moment she had met Jasper. All the things that went right and all the things that went wrong she analogizing. Blame that she wanted to put solely on him she realized was hers too. She had as much to do with their failure as he did.

Then there was a baby that was gone but had never really been there. She cried over the lost and thought about who that little person would have been. Was it a boy or girl? Would it have looked like her or Jasper? What name would they have picked out? Mostly she wondered if it would have brought her and Jasper back together.

Then a minute after thinking all that she would have a flash of maybe this was the best thing that could have happened. She knew that neither of them was ready to have a baby. What if they did get back together? Would it have been for the child or because there was real love there? But she knew the answer to that without asking it.

Hate was what she felt for herself for even thinking that losing the baby was for the best. She was the most horrible person ever. She deserved all the bad things that had happened to her and more.

"Bella I can stand here and bang on the door for the rest of the day but the neighbors might get pissed." The voice from behind her locked door announced. Edward was the last person she thought would show up. She hadn't seen or heard from him since that day she told him about her and Jasper.

"I don't want to see anyone so please just go away," she told him through the door. She couldn't face him.

"You know you can't hide in there forever."

"That's what you think."

"Okay then I guess that I will be sitting outside your door forever too," he informed her and she heard him hit the door with his back.

"Fine," she let out thinking that the last thing she wanted was to have the neighbors talking about her. She opened the door to stare out at Edward and his big cheesy smile of victory.

"I knew that would work," he said slipping into her apartment.

"I'm in no mood for company. Please just go and leave me alone," she pleaded with him.

"This place is a mess and so are you. When is the last time that you took a shower? Come on go get in the shower and I'll start picking up," he ordered her.

"Edward…"

"Just do it."

"You are not the boss of me."

"Either you go get in the shower or I will put you in there myself."

"You would not dare."

"Try me."

By the look in his eyes she knew that he was serious and she conceded and willing went in and took a shower. She had to admit as she came out she felt better. It was as if the hot water had washed away some of her pain.

"Pizza is on the way and I have some new release of some chick flick for us to watch," he informed her, having magically cleared the piles of mess that had been forming all over her apartment.

"I do really appreciate what you are trying to do but I can't," she told him, sinking down in the chair.

"I know and you never will be if you lock yourself away in a self imposed jail," he told her and then told her, "I know about the baby and the accident. Sorry is not a strong enough word."

"How do you know?" she asked, thinking at least she didn't have to tell him herself. That was not a conversation that she could go through with him.

"Rosalie. I ran into her and she told me. I realize that you suffered a horrible lose and I know you are hurting but you have to try to move on. As you found life is fragile and nothing that you should take for granite. The best way to honor your child is to live," Edward told her, and then added, "I know that when you told me about you and him I kind of freaked. You have to know that it was just a shock to me. It hurt too. I just needed time to wrap my head around it. I realized though that it didn't matter. I never got to tell you that. I would have still been there with you if that was what you wanted and I'll be with you now if you still want me in your life," he laid out to her

"It doesn't matter now," she told him not sure if she believed him or not. It didn't matter though nothing mattered anymore.

"It matters to me that you know I'm not some guy that is going to bail the second that something bad happens or when things gets ruff. I'm a stick with you through thick and thin type of person and I want to be here for you now and always. Please forgive my moment of weakness and more than anything I was afraid that you were going to go back to him and I was going to lose someone that I care a lot about," he laid out to her. He knew that she was destroyed inside but he also knew that she was strong and if she let him he would be there for her to help her through.

"Edward I know that you are not that type of guy. If you were than there is no way that you would be here now. I don't blame you for having a reaction to what I told you. It was completely understandable," she told him and in that moment when he smiled at her, the smallest ray of light touched her heart and she knew if she was ever going to get through this she needed him, "I really could use a friend right now. Thank you for being here to make me see that what I was doing was doing me no good."

"All I've ever wanted was to be there for you," he told her, wrapping his arms around her.

The question was would she let him.


	12. Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

Welcome Home

She didn't know what magic he processed but Edward had done what she thought was impossible. She was smiling again. Her once dark, empty soul was now beginning to see the glimpse of light. The shattered remains of her heart that she once thought had no hope of repair was miraculously being slowly piece by piece reassembled.

The only problem was that he seemed more than content at being her friend and nothing more. They went out to dinner, they went to the movies. He hung out at her place and they talked for hours. There wasn't a day they didn't talk. They spent almost every free minute together. They shared all their secrets and let out all the baggage they had both been storing.

Yet he never tried to kiss her. He never hinted towards romance. A few friendly hugs here and there seemed to be more than enough for him. The only problem with that was she was falling for him. She didn't plan on it or necessarily wanted to but each time he made her laugh or helped her through a path of sadness she felt it a little more.

She had started to feel it before everything had went wrong. That seemed a long time ago now. After that she didn't think she would ever feel anything ever again but somehow those feelings had snuck back in. Little by little, smile by smile she let go and fell for him.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked, somehow he could read her like an open book. She felt like she had no secrets from him. It was like he could just look at her and know all her secrets. It was damn unnerving.

"I don't know. I guess I was just off in space thinking about the future," she told him, wondering what it was that their future held. Not too long ago she had thought that her future was all planned out. She and Jasper were going to get married, have a bunch of kids, and live happily ever after. None of that had happened like they thought.

"That good," he smiled and if she weren't such a chicken she would just come out and tell him what she felt. The problem was she wasn't sure what she felt for him. He was like her best friend and he really got her. She felt so close to him and there was sparks there, for her at least.

"What about you?"

"Are you talking about my plans for the future?"

"Sure, do you have any?"

"Nothing ever happens like you plan so I stopped making plans a long time ago. I have thoughts about things I want to do, places to visit but as for mapping out life I just let it happen."

"You do have a point there," she whispered and thought that nothing she had planned as of late had come to life.

"Bella are you trying to ask me about our future?"

Just then the doorbell rang and she went to open it only to find her brother standing there.

"What are you doing here?" she asked though she was glad about the moment of reprieve.

"Glad to see you too. Is it a bad time?" he questioned.

"No, come in."

Edward made up some story about picking up dry cleaning and departed right after the normal hellos. She wondered why.

"So what is up with you and him?" Emmett asked. He wasn't sure if he liked the guy. He didn't know him but that was because he split every time he came around. That made him uneasy. It made him wonder what he had to hide.

"He is a friend," she simply said, which was the truth. The sad, sad truth. Nothing more, nothing less.

"Just friends?"

"Yeah, now what are you here for?"

"Just checking on you. This was outside your door," he said thinking what the hell was he doing giving this to her. When he picked it up and saw who it was from he should have just thrown it away.

"For me?" she asked. She hadn't ordered anything.

"It's from Jasper," he let out and saw her face drain. He knew this had been a mistake.

It took her minutes to shake off the surprise and sudden memories. For a long time she didn't go a minute without thinking about him and then it was a day until recently when she found herself not thinking about him as often. Not that he was ever completely out of her thoughts. He was always right there waiting to return to her.

"Just leave it," she told him not sure when or if she planned to open the envelope.

"I know that I should have burnt it," he said, throwing it down on the table. It made a quiet thump.

"You can't control things. You can't wipe him out of my life. He's always going to be a part of me, a part of my history," she told him, realizing that for herself too. She had tried to eradicate him for her memories but there was no changing the past. He was always going to be apart of her. It might make her life a little easier if she could just wipe him out of her mind and heart but that was not something that was going to happen.

"I know but that doesn't mean that I have to like it. I thought that when he skipped town that was the end of this," he told her hating himself for the fact that in some way he had bought Jasper into her life.

"And once upon a time so did you. I'm getting over it so maybe you should try it too. I mean you're still living in his house so I would think that says something," she told him wondering if Jasper was ever going to return. It had been so many months now that he was way. When he had spoken of never returning she had not imagined that he was serious.

"It's just someplace to be right now, nothing more. He use to be my brother but now well where we stand I don't know," but he knew. He would never look at him the same way. They would always be flesh and blood but never again would they be friends.

"Don't blame him for what happened between us. I'm to blame more than you know. I hope that you can forgive him, I have."

"I guess you have a bigger heart than I do. Well I better get going. Talk to you later?" he questioned. He didn't like hearing her tell him that she had forgiven Jasper since that meant her defenses were down. The last thing that he would see happening was Jasper becoming a part of his sister's life again.

"I'll be okay," she told him as he scanned the envelope. Yet she didn't know if she would be.

She sat for a while staring at the envelope before she ever picked it up. Part of her told her it didn't matter what was inside. He was her past and best left there. Nothing he had to say to her made any difference and would do her no good. Another part of her said she had to know what it contained. She hadn't heard from him since that night she lost the baby and he told her he was going away maybe forever. It had been her darkest day. It had been his too and she wondered if he was okay.

She picked it up and sat it on her lap staring at his writing scratched across the front spelling out her name and the address to her house. There was no return address.

Finally she took a deep breath, opened it, and dumped out what was inside. Two white envelopes were all it contained. She picked up the one of the letters and opened it. It was the flier to the grand opening of Flutter and a VIP pass. She smiled thinking about how much fun they had working on that project. She couldn't believe that her plan had been made into a reality. She wondered how it had happened with him being gone.

The next letter was from Jasper. Her heart flipped flopped a few times before she could even read her name.

Bella,

Time has slipped quietly away. I didn't plan on staying away this long but once I was gone I realized that I didn't have anything to bring me back.

Flutter opens this weekend. You did it. Your vision, our dream. It seems so long ago that we shared that dream. Anyways I'm coming back for the grand opening. I want to ask you to come. I want to see you. I know I don't have the right to ask but I hope that you will. Forever Yours, Jasper

Her heart raced at the thought of seeing him again. She didn't think that she could do it. Seeing him again would hurt too much. Even thinking about it just opened up the flood of all the pain and broken dreams. It also opened something else.

She walked up to his door. She needed him. She needed him to walk her through the darkness. Only Edward could talk her off the ledge. Only he could stop her from walking back into her past.

Soft music slid out under his door as she stood there afraid. This was only the second time she was there at his place. The first time was only for one second when he forgot his wallet. There were times she wondered why he never invited her over. Was he hiding something from her? Or was it that he was not ready to have her all the way in his life.

Quiet knocking broke his train of thought. He put aside his guitar and went to open the door surprised to see her.

"Hi," she said.

"Hi."

"I hope that it is okay that I just stopped over like this. I should have called but once I thought about it I was almost here."

"No, it is fine. Come on in," he said with a smile but part of her felt that he was just being nice and she was invading his life in a way that he didn't like.

His place was surprising pretty nice. It was also pretty clean. He had pretty good taste. She had no idea. She realized there was still a lot about him she didn't know.

"I didn't know you played the guitar?" she said running her finger over the strings. It made a dull moan.

"I just mess around with it, nothing serious," he told her.

"Were you playing the music I heard?" she asked.

"Yeah I was working on something. I've been writing it for awhile now but I can't seem to get it right," he told her, wondering what had brought her over there. He could see that there was something weighing her shoulders. He thought maybe it had something to do with her brother's visit.

"Play it for me."

"I don't think so."

"Why not? It sounded so beautiful. I would love to hear it," she told him wondering what else he was keeping from her about himself. She had believed that he was this open book but she was realizing there was a lot more to know.

"I really don't play for anyone," he told her. Music was his therapy. He wrote and played to get things out. It was like her writing in a journal. Some thing private, not to be shared.

"You don't have to," she told him disappointed. It wasn't just that he didn't want to play for her but that it was apart of him that he didn't want to share with her. Maybe he didn't really want to share his life with her at all.

"I suppose I could play a little but it is ruff," he told her picking up his guitar and started playing a haunting melody that she had heard briefly flowing through the door.

For so long she has been pretending that nothing is wrong.

Not wanting to admit that he's long gone.

Turns her face to wipes away the tears that she has been crying, trying to hide the pain.

With her smile she puts on her disguise, paints a pretty picture.

She whispers everything is alright; it's going to be just fine.

I want to believe every one of her lines.

She don't know what she's done to me

All I want is for her to come to me; come undone for me

But she can't get close to me; open up to me

Her eyes never lie

Emptiness is all that remains

We both know who is to blame

Broken and shattered

Her scars reside on the inside

She thought she locked it all away

But suddenly it's unraveling

She don't know what she done to me

All I want is for her to come to me; come undone for me

But she can't get close to me; open up to me

She tells me lies that I want to believe

Time is all she needs

We both know she'll never be free

My love is not the key, nothing she needs

She whispers just let it be

She don't know what she's done to me

All I want is for her to come to me; come undone to me

But she can't get close to me; open up to me

Make love to me

Edward was scared to open his eyes and look at her as his voice trailed off. She had to know that the song was about her. Did she have any clue how he felt about her? How at times he wished that he hadn't fallen in love with her.

"I told you it was ruff," he said when she didn't speak. She just stared at him like she didn't know what to say. The truth was she didn't.

"I have been writing it for awhile now but every time I think I've gotten it right I find something that could be better. It feels strange to play it for you."

"It was…amazing," she finally said as the song found a spot in her soul to haunt.

"You don't have to lie," he said getting up. Space he needed. Space from her and the look she was giving him. It was almost like she was daring him to believe that there was a future for them. He knew that may never be in the cards. At least until she was over him which was the problem. Months later though she tried to hide it he knew Jasper was lurking closely under the surface.

"Who is it about?" she dared asked. If it was about her it said more to her than he knew. All that she thought she was hiding he saw right through. She always said he read her like an open book.

"You know who it is about. A girl who has taken over my soul. She hurts me with every tear and heals me with every smile. She's all I want and nothing that I can have," he softly said to her. He had told himself from the beginning to walk away from her. He knew that she was not over that guy maybe never would be he finally realized. Yet here he still was because he had fallen for this wounded, fragile creature that he wanted to protect. He just wanted to heal her heart broken by life.

"Edward is that how you really see me?" she questioned.

"I see the self you don't even see," he informed her.

"I don't think that you really have seen me at all. You have seen the surface, the obvious that I have had my heart broken, my soul ripped apart and now you think that I'm some un-repairable shell. The truth is I'm stronger than you believe. Yes, I've been destroyed but not ruined. I am healing thanks in large part to you. If you are waiting for me to be completely over my past, over him you might as well walk away. I am never going to be 100% whole ever again but that doesn't mean that I'm not 98 or 99%."

"I just think that you want to believe that and you don't want to admit how much he is still affecting you today still," he threw at her causing her to go back to the reason that she was there in the first place.

"I don't want it to. I want to be free of him. I want you to erase him," she told him and took steps to make that happen.

She filled the space between them and reached out to kiss him but he put up his arm to her stopping the contact. It was like a knife to the heart, a blow to her soul. She felt hurt and alone. He had rejected her.

"No. I can't be that. I can't be the guy that gets you over him. I only can be the guy that you can't get over. Until I become your first thought and not the second it can't be any other way," he firmly informed her. It took all his will considering how much he wanted her in his arms but second fiddle was not something he was going to play, "You have to figure out is holding on to him is worth losing me."

Bella checked herself one last time in the mirror. Walking into the lion's den and she was worried about how she looked. She told herself that she was not going to see him but from the moment that letter arrived she had known she had to.

Then she had that conversation with Edward and she knew she had to close the finally chapter on Jasper or she was going to lose Edward. He made that it clear that it was all or nothing. The only problem was she didn't have all to give, at least yet. Hopefully after seeing Jasper she would be able to put a lock on the door that she had closed.

When she arrived at the club, it was ten minutes before closing time. She had started to leave ten times but found another reason to stay until finally she ran out of reasons and remembered the one reason to go.

Packs of females poured out of the club laughing. It appeared her idea was going to be a hit. It meant nothing to her. It would mean everything to him. She wondered if he was still there, waiting for her. Part of her hoped no.

She shyly smiled when the large doorman told her that the club was closed. She handed him the VIP pass that had been enclosed for her in that letter. He nodded and let her in. There were only a few random people left in the club. No one seemed to notice her. She slipped around quietly checking out the place and smiled as she realized that every detail in her vision he had brought to life right down to the color of the napkins.

"Can I help you?" a waiter finally asked her. He was cute she thought but they all were she thought as she scanned the group of all male waiters. Another of her ideas. Women would come for that if nothing else; just think Hooters.

"I was looking for Jasper," she said, her voice cracked.

"Who?" he shot back at her.

"Mr. Whitlock," she corrected.

"Are you Bella?" he asked.

"Yes," she admitted and thought she wished she wasn't. She wished that she could become this other person that woke up one day with no memory of the last year of her life. She was afraid that was the only way that she was ever going to forget Jasper.

"He's waiting for you," he told her and looked at her like somehow he knew more about her then the fact Jasper was waiting for her.

As she walked through the club she could feel more than one set of eyes on her and she wondered what had been said about her to them.

Knocking on the door swiftly bought her back to reality and then it all ended again as it open and there was Jasper.

Tears started to form in the base of her eyes at just the sight of him and when he smiled, she came undone with emotions that had been bottled up. She couldn't look at him as she walked in and started to pace around his office. She couldn't speak just yet and she sure and the hell couldn't look at him.

"I was starting to think that you wouldn't be coming," he said and the sound of his rich deep voice sent shivers down her spine.

"I almost didn't but we both know we have unfinished business," she said but still didn't look at him. It didn't matter though she knew every detail of how he looked... from the faded, worn jeans, to the black tee shirt, to the new black cowboy boots. His hair was also longer and he had lost more then a few pounds.

"What do you think about the club? We were to capacity tonight turning people away. This club is going to be bigger than Toxic but I'm not surprised concerning that you had your hands in it. I just took your idea and ran with it," he told her itching to touch her. It was like she was right there all he had to do was reach out to her but he knew she would only pull away.

"It was all you. I was just playing at it. This is your dream not mine but I'm happy for you to know that it will be a success," Bella informed him wanting him to know that none of this life was hers anymore. Once that had planned a life together, building a home, running the clubs, starting a family. It no longer existed.

"Do you remember the first time you skipped school to come with me. We went to Toxic and you had this idea about turning my office into a VIP room, well it has been changed into that and it has been a huge success. It was an amazing idea by you," he told her wishing that she would look at him.

"Don't give me too much credit. You have an amazing sense when it comes to business," she told him, always amazed at how much he had accomplished in his young life.

"Business I know how to handle but anything else comes undone. Look at us," he whispered inching closer to her. Her smell, that perfume assaulted him.

"Where did you go to when you left?" she asked avoiding commenting on his statement.

"Here and there. I went and saw my mother. I needed to let her know what had happened. I hadn't seen her in a long time and I felt like I had to reconnect with her. I visited my dad's grave and made some peace with him. It was a lot easier to talk to him now that that he can't talk back. I went to Vegas. That had been home to me and all my old habits were waiting there for me. Sadly, I remembered them too. How have you been?" he asked within a breath of her.

"The answer that I normally give is fine but I don't think that I need to sugar coat reality to you. We both have been through hell and I still have one foot in it. It has been a long journey but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've had help though pulling me through to the other side. How about you?" she questioned knowing from the look of him his answer.

"I'm still right in the middle of that hell you spoke of. I'm starting to get use to it. I almost feel like I'm at home and lord knows that no one deserves a seat there more than me," he halved laughed. It hurt all over not to be close to her. He clenched his jaw to the point of pain trying to hold back whispering to her how much he loved her. Time and space had done nothing to dull the love he felt for her.

"I know you blame yourself for that night but I was the guilty one. I was the one who pulled away from you. You tried to hold on to me," she informed him. She had finally forgiven herself for that night. It was the only way she could move on.

"Thanks for trying to make me feel better but it was my words that sent you running. It was always me that ruined everything."

"Blame is a waste of time. We both made mistakes, we both did wrong. I forgave myself and I forgave you," she told him looking up into his eyes. It was the first real contact that she had made with him since she walked in. It was unnerving what she saw. The once strong, powerful man looked broken and haunted. He looked older, empty of all life. The passion that consumed him was gone. The drive was absent. There was nothing left of the man that had devoured her. Only demons and ghosts resided in him now.

"Thanks but forgiveness is something I don't deserve," he informed her and walked away from her. His sleeve brushed her arm on the way over to get a drink. She shivered.

"You don't want my forgiveness so what else is there? Why did you ask me here?" she demanded. Anger was her only defense against him at the moment. She could feel her heart aching for him. Memories of another time played in her head as old hopes and dreams danced in her brain. She had an uncontrollable desire to kiss him until life entered his eyes again, hoping that it might bring life back to her again also.

She had come here to rid herself of him but once again he was sucking her back in. The need to fix him, make him okay filled her. He was like a little wounded creature that looked at her with those sad lost eyes begging her to save him. But who was going to save her?

"You know why. I needed to see you. I had to…" he let his desires get the best of him and he reached out and touched the vision that had only been in his dreams and nightmares for so long. His lips crushed hers.

The kiss was brutal in the first instance. He demanded and she resisted. Then as desire took over she melted and he responded.

The passion they had shared was still there. If anything it only seemed to grow. The need to fade into each other was overwhelming.

"I have to go. I have to…" she told him as she pulled away from his kiss, "I wish you had never come back…" she hissed at him as her own demons sprang to life. She had wanted him, wanted him to touch her and her lips burned from his caress as if he had branded her again.

She had wanted Jasper he knew. She had wanted to not want him more. That was her demon. Still wanting to dance on the devil after he had burnt her repeatedly. His demons were too long to list. He had come to live in peace with them knowing that they were not going anywhere anytime soon. It wasn't one of them that kept him up at night but a beautiful little angel that had tried to heal his soul. She hovered above him just out of reach.

He had run from her but she floated with him. He drove into the darkness and she waited on the edge whispering come back. Now that he had, only to find she had stopped waiting.

"So you saw Jasper?" Emmett questioned of his sister. He hadn't been too pleased to find that out but keeping them apart was like keeping tears out of eyes.

"I had to see him. He doesn't look good. I'm worried about him. I think that you should go and see him. He needs a friend," she informed him.

"He can take care of himself. Did he say if he planned on staying?"

"We really didn't talk about anything like that," she told him thinking back to her last statement that she wished that he had never come back. The truth was there was a big part of her that was glad he had.

When she realized that she also realized that she was never going to get to the day where she was over him. She was going to for the rest of her life love him. There was no changing that.

He was like a disease and she had thought that Edward had been the cure. The first remain true but the second had proved to be wrong.


	13. Chapter 13

I own nothing.

Chapter Thirteen

Good-bye… So long… See you later

She showed up at his door wasted. He knew the look all too well. He just never seen it on her before which made he worried about her and what had driven her to drink herself senseless.

"Hi Jazzy, how you doing?" she said in a slurred voice.

"Are you okay?"

"Why you ask? You see my brother?" she hiccupped.

"Why don't you come in and sit down and wait for him."

"You so sweet," she smiled stumbling in.

He helped her in and they didn't make it more then a few steps before she announced she was going to be sick. He hurried her to the bathroom and luckily they made it in time. After empting out her body she quietly passed out on the floor next to the toilet. He lifted her up and placed her in his bed. She looked so sweet there and his mind started thinking all kinds of thoughts that it shouldn't be thinking.

He laid and watched her sleep like he use to. It felt like nothing had changed but everything had and he knew it, other than the fact that he still loved her more than life.

Finally, after hours of torture of having her so near but so far away he fell asleep next to her. When he woke up she was still asleep curled up next to him and all the thoughts that had been in him brain when he fell asleep were still there begging to be acted upon. She stirred and turned wrapping herself around him.

As if he couldn't help himself he let his finger reach out and touch her. Slow caresses at first until he heard her responding to it. When she moaned he lost control and took her into his arms and kissed her. She didn't pull away like he thought she would but seemed to need him as much as he needed her.

It felt like losing his mind to be making love to her again. She was alive in his arms wanting him as much as he wanted her. It was as if she had let go and was free once again like she had been a long time ago with him. He thought that he might have touched heaven in that moment but hell crashed back in all too quick.

"Not you," she whispered, before drifting back off to sleep.

Put a gun to his head and shoot out his fucking brain that was what he wanted right now; might as well since she had just driven a knife into his heart. His guts had just been ripped out of him. Sickened he grabbed his pants and went searching for a drink.

The first thing that strike her when she opened her eyes the next day was she had a monster headache, second thing was she was not in her own bed, third was she was in Jasper's bed, and last she had no memory of last night. She did not know what disturbed her the most.

Where were her clothes she thought as she tried to get out of bed, only to find she was naked? Strange foggy memories circled around her cloudy brain as she tried to remember a forgotten night brought on by too much booze. She was never drinking again she thought as quick flashes of her in bed with someone flew across her brain but too quickly to grab. As they started to slow down she thought that they were just the last remnants of that dream she had last night about her and Jasper making passionate love. It had been a nice dream, all of it.

Jasper, why was it so hard to get him out of her heart, her life? Even now what was she doing naked in his bed? She closed her eyes trying to recall any fragment of the night before but all that kept coming to her was the sight of her making love to…oh my god she thought as the face from a dream turned into a face from reality.

"I've been there before," Jasper said walking in with coffee and aspirin.

She lifted her head and looked at him with those eyes asking him a question that he didn't want to answer. Last night he had went from the highest of highest to the lowest of lowest all in a very short amount of time. It nearly killed him to know that…he just didn't want to think about it. Maybe she wouldn't even remember what she had said last night or what they had did.

"I don't even remember last night if that is what you are referring to. What happened? How did I even get here?" she questioned taking the coffee and pills from him. She knew that she was going to need them.

"You just kind of showed up on my doorstep. I think that you were looking for Emmett but you were pretty drunk and it went from hi to I'm going to throw up quickly and then you passed out. I put you in bed to let you sleep it off."

"Where did my clothes go?" she asked, needing to know what happened even though his words would only confirm what she was pretty sure happened even if the details were fuzzy.

He just hung his head and rubbed his temple. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. This was one of the worst moments in his life. He felt ashamed and guilty.

"I thought that you…I mean you…I just wanted you so much that I forgot to think. When I touched you and you didn't turn away and when I caressed your body you moaned…," he told her and he saw her cringe. It was like being slapped. It was just conformation that she had not wanted to make love to him last night.

"I…" she wanted to tell him that it had been nothing she wanted but she knew that there was a part of her that wanted him as much as he wanted her. The alcohol probably just had helped her defenses come down.

"I wasn't in my right mind. I had been drinking too much. I was out of it," she told him.

"Bella please don't say that. I feel horrible. I didn't think that I was taking advantage of you. I thought that you wanted me too. I didn't think past that," he tried to explain to her. It was the truth that he had lost all reason when she melted under his touch.

"There seemed to be a lot of that going on last night, not thinking," she announced putting the coffee cup on the nightstand and then wrapping the sheet around herself. All she wanted was to find her clothes and get out of there.

"I'm sorry," he told her. As much as he had wanted her he hadn't wanted her like this. He felt like such a bastard.

"This is such a mess," she said.

"It doesn't have to be. You know that I still love you…" he started to say but she stopped him short.

"I have to go…," she announced. She couldn't look at him right now and she sure couldn't talk to him. She wasn't sure how she was going to deal with this.

He just sat there. He couldn't move. Breathing was all he was capable of at that moment. Breathe in the smell of her perfume. It clung in the air. It assaulted his brain. If it was something solid that he could reach out and grab he would have and never left it go but it was nothing more that a lingering memory kind of like her.

"Jasper, are you here?" came the voice of someone that he couldn't face right now.

He went and grabbed a clean shirt and his keys so that he could get the hell away from this mess. The only problem was what he wanted to escape the most was himself and there was no getting away from that bastard.

"Got to go," he said as he rounded the corner to see Emmett waiting for him in the kitchen.

"Stop right there. We have to talk," he said and he had that tone that told him that he had better do as he said.

"Can it wait? I have shit going on," he told him thinking that he had to make some decisions about his life.

"I don't honestly give a damn what you got going on. What happened last night with my sister?" he demanded, clenching his hands into fist.

He just stared at him thinking how did he already know. Bella had only left. She must have called him but what had she said?

"Don't try to hide the fact that she was here. I saw her drive away as I was coming home. I tried to call her but she is not answering her phone so again what happened? What was she doing here?" he demanded. He had only been back a few weeks and he had already sucked his sister back in.

"She came looking for you. She was drunk. I brought her in and put her to bed to sleep it off," he explained to him but left out what was not his business. Also he knew if he knew what else had went down he would be dead. He deserved it but as much as he wanted to escape he wasn't ready to end it all just yet.

"She was drunk?" Emmett asked, thinking that didn't sound at all like Bella. Something was wrong.

"Wasted. She no more than got here and she threw up and passed out. Now I got to get the hell out of here," he said before he asked any more questions.

"As in out of town or just out?"

"What?"

"I was asking if you are home for good or if you are heading out of town?"

"I just got home."

"I know that I was the one who told you that you needed to settle down in one place and start a life and you do… just not here. Don't you understand what it is doing to Bella to have you back here? When you were gone she started to heal and put all that pain behind her. She was smiling again and moving on with her life. You come back and all of a sudden she is hitting the bottle. Don't you understand that as long as you are around she is never going to get over you and she wants to? I know that it is not fair what I'm asking you but if you do love her you have to let her go. She needs to be able to start over," he told him for the sake of his sister. He could see where this was heading again and it was no place good. They had been there done this and it never worked.

"So you want me to just disappear? Do you forget that I have two clubs here and a house? You are the one who convinced me to come here and now that I moved my whole life here you just want me to up and leave it all behind," he asked him, knowing that the thought had crossed his mind as well, especially after last night. Yeah he did have his clubs and his house but this was no longer home, not without her.

"I know what I'm asking but I know how this story ends if you stay here. It is not going to be a happy ending for either of you. I know you love her; I know that she still loves you but that love is like poison. It is just going to kill both of you when all is said and done. The choice is yours though."

"Is it really because we both know that if it was my choice Bella would be my wife and we would be working on giving you a niece or nephew," he said out loud. Emmett's reaction was what he expected, disgust.

"It is too late for that. I don't know if you are aware of this but Bella has been seeing someone. It hasn't gotten that serious yet but he wants it to," he explained to him. Edward had been waiting for him outside of Bella's apartment that day. He almost looked scared of him as he quietly asked if he could talk to him about his sister. He agreed and over coffee the guy he wasn't sure if he liked turned out to be a pretty good guy. He asked him what was his intentions towards his sister and he told him that he loved her and hoped that one day she would return the feeling. He was just afraid that her heart was locked up inside of her ex.

Flashback

"_I know this probably is awkward for you considering but…."_

"_He use to be my best friend. That is no longer the case. As for being my brother I can't change that. But Bella comes first. I would do anything to protect her and make sure that she is happy," he informed him putting on his best mean face._

"_That is all I want too. I just don't know how to do that. I'm not even sure that she wants me to try," he explained looking defeated._

"_She has been through a lot, more than you know. She wants to be happy. I just think she doesn't think it exists anymore." _

After a long conversation he was convinced that Edward's intentions were good and that he wanted the same things for his sister as he did. The only thing that stood in the way was Jasper.

"So she is seeing someone?" he asked as his heart broke a little more than it already was. What had he expected to happen? Bella was a beautiful girl, a sweet, perfect girl. Guys were probably lined up to date her.

"Yeah and he is a good guy. The kind of guy that will make her happy and never hurt her… never. All that stands in his way is you and her memories of the life she thought she had with you. He can give her that life the way you never could. I can't make you leave. As for me I am. I'm moving out. I found a place and hopefully I'll convince Rosalie to marry me. So man I guess…" he said hurting. This man had been his friend even more than his brother in the darkest of times. Together they had pulled themselves and each other out of a lot of shit. Been through it all together and then some. Now all that was gone.

"Great for you. I wish you the best," he told him and it was then that he knew there was really nothing left for him there. The two people he cared most about didn't want him around anymore.

"I…" he started to say but what did he tell him that was going to change anything?

"Let's just leave it at that. I really do have to get out of here so…I'll see you when I see you," was how he left it knowing that it probably wasn't going to be anytime soon.

Knocking on her door pulled her away from an email that she had been trying to write to Edward for two days now. She couldn't come up with words to explain things to him. That was because there were no words.

She opened the door not bothering to look through the peephole. She should have.

"Hi," Jasper said to her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Can we talk for a few minutes? I have some things that I would like to say to you before I leave," he told her as the lump in his throat seemed to get bigger. He could not believe that he was really here about to say good-bye to her for good.

She wanted to tell him no but part of her needed to hear what he had to say to her. She walked away from the door leaving him to find his way in. He closed the door and she closed her laptop to hide the letter to Edward.

"Are you okay?" was his first statement.

"I'm fine," she told him but the truth was that she was anything but fine. She had not been fine in a long time and she didn't think it was a place she was going to get to anytime soon.

"I'm sorry about the other night. If I could take it all back you know that I would," he told her and she saw sadness in his eyes and regret. They had always promised not regrets.

"It was as much my fault as yours. I put myself in that position and…" she said having come to terms with that night. She had not told him no. She had not tried to stop him but instead returned his affection. It was not his fault. If she wanted to be honest even in her right mind she wanted him.

"How is it that the one person that I loved more than life itself was the one person I hurt over and over? All I ever wanted to do was protect you but I'm the one you need the protection from. I wish things could have been different. I wish that we could go back and start all over. I wish that I could have been your prince charming and not some evil monster. I know none of that is possible. I know we cannot go back and that we need to move forward. What I'm trying to tell you is that I'm leaving. This time it is for good. Emmett was the only reason that I ever agreed to come here. That reason to be here has ended. The only reason other than that to be here was you and we both know that reason no longer exists. So it is time for me to get out of here," he told her trying to be strong for her sake. What he really wanted was to grab her and beg her for just one more chance to make it alright. When he saw tears in her eyes he almost lost it.

"Where are you going to go?" she asked him, knowing that she had thought that she wanted him to disappear but now that he was there in front of her telling her good bye she never felt more empty.

"Who knows?" he told her and stepped closer to her, "Well beautiful I guess this is it," he said as his own tears started to form. He didn't think that he could do it. There was no way that he could really tell her goodbye forever.

"I don't want you to go," she told him and in that moment she let all the past go and in the space of losing him forever she knew that she still loved him and that she always was going to. As much as it hurt, as wrong as it was there was no getting over him. Even after he had broken her heart she still loved him with all the little pieces.

"You just think that right now. As much as I wish it could be another way we both know that this is best. My love only ever hurt you. Nothing left to do but say goodbye," he told her doing this for her. God give him the strength to walk away.

He slipped his arms around her and she didn't push him away but wrapped her own around him and held on tight. When he bent down to kiss her she met him half way. It was a sad mournful kiss as their tears mixed together. It was nothing like the first kiss they had shared, so full of hope and desire. This was a good-bye kiss full of loss and regrets.

"I love you. I tried not to but I can't stop. Remember always and forever…" she whispered to him, needing him to change his mind. She could not lose him.

"Don't make this harder on me. You know that I love you too but we are not meant to be. Not every dream is meant to come true. Sometimes forever is too long," he told her fighting with himself to be strong. For once he was going to think of someone other than himself. Not matter what she said to him he knew only once he was gone could she ever truly be happy.

"You never told me that it was going to end like this," she told him through tears knowing that this was really the end. She could see it in his eyes that he was leaving and not coming back. He really was telling her goodbye…forever. That was not the forever that they were suppose to share.

"That's because it was never suppose to end."


	14. Chapter 14

I own nothing.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Coming Home

Jasper's POV

Growing up we are taught these fairy tales where at the end everyone lives happily ever after. That was what he had dreamed of for them but after everything was said and done there would be no fairy tale ending for them. For them there had just be an ending… until now.

He stood outside her door as he had done so many years before. It was surreal to be there. What had he expected? He knew coming back here would stir up the past. A past he knew was best left there but one he couldn't forget.

He had come to town on business. He still owned the clubs here and normally he dealt with whatever came up through his managers but this was one of those rare things that required him being there in person. He had planned on flying out the moment that his meeting was over but when he got there he learned some horrible news that had sent him over to see her. Not that he needed a reason to see her.

It had always been like that with her; finding himself drawn to her in an uncontrollable way. Even at times when he knew that he should stay away there was a force that pulled them together. A force that was there tonight with him.

He had left that night six years ago promising her and himself that he would never be back again. It had been the hardest and most selfless thing he had ever done. When all he wanted was to be with her he had walked away so that she could finally be free of their all consuming, destructive relationship. You know when they say you hurt the ones you love the most, well that was the theme to their love affair. So in the end he let her go because he loved her more than he knew it possible to love. Her happiness was more important then his. It was too bad that he hadn't learned that lesson sooner. Things might have been different.

He could still remember that night like it was just yesterday. It had been a few days since he had seen her. After the nightmare that had been their last encounter he knew something had to change but what was the question. He hadn't known how he was going to handle things. It was a conversation that he had with Emmett that made him come to the decision that brought him to her doorstep that night so many long years ago.

He told him that if he truly loved his sister like he said then he had to let her go so that she could be happy. Him around, always the thought that she might run into him was not going to allow her to get over him. So he packed a bag, threw it in his car and headed out of town, but not before he told her good-bye with the promise that it was forever.

Yet here he was standing on her doorstep breaking that promise like he had all the others he had ever made to her. It wasn't that he set out to do it but he was always better at saying the right thing than doing the right thing.

He had meant that promise to her and when he left that night had done everything he knew how to forget her but she wasn't a girl you just forget. She was and still was a girl that haunted him day and night.

His first attempt to forget her was done through the usual booze, drugs, gambling, and women. Vegas was the place that he found all that at his fingertips. So he had made it home again not that any place that she wasn't could ever truly be home. But no matter how much he drank, no matter the drug, the money at the card game, or the women that warmed his bed there was always a moment when he was alone and her face appeared. Nothing faded her memory. Nothing quieted the voices in his head. The regrets never slept.

At one point he even thought about killing himself to get away from the pain of loving her and not having her but his greatest fear was the she would haunt him in death as she had in life.

So in the end when he finally hit rock bottom he gave up the drugs and drinking. Once he did that the gambling and women disappeared. And he was left alone to deal with his life or what was left after she was gone.

It was then that he drove head first into his work. The clubs had been doing well when he left and then exploded right after he was gone. He had left good people in charge of the day to day running of the clubs and he just sat back and let his bank account increase. That was until he pissed it all away. When he got clean the clubs were barely hanging on and he was nearly broke.

At that point he put all his attention into rebuilding his clubs and his reputation. He poured himself into it like he had into ruining it. With that kind of dedication it wasn't long before he had once again two of the hottest clubs. Not to mention that Bitter was finally becoming a reality. He had planned to open it a long time ago but that dream died when Bella left. Now all this time later it was going to happen. Like its name it was bitter, bittersweet.

That was how it always was with him, nothing was done a little. He lived and loved hard. And with the passion that he would have put into loving her if she had still been his he put into the objects that reminded him most of her, Toxic and Flutter. Toxic the club that had brought her into his life to start with and Flutter the club that she created. Both places held so many memories for him. Memories of them together, the best moments of his life.

It seemed to him that the only memories he had left was the haunting memories of her and the thoughts of what might have been. He lived somewhere in the past or an imaginary present.

Everything was about her, from the smell of her perfume that would hit him walking down the street and he would turn scanning the crowd looking for her but she was never there. She was only ever in his own mind. He would wake in the middle of the night swearing that the feel of her hair across his face had awoken him. The sound of her laughter was like a recurring echo through the hollow depths of his soul.

It was as if he was being haunted by a ghost that wasn't dead. As if her presence and the constant thoughts of her was his life long punishment for his sins against her. Not that he didn't deserve that and worse.

He had been given one of God's angels and he had broken her wings. For that he knew that he was going to be sentenced to a perpetual life of living hell. It was only when he was in that hell of loving her that he ever felt alive. She was the only person who ever made him feel whole.

So now he stood on her doorstep. He knew that he was the last person she needed or wanted to see and that him being there would serve no purpose to her. Still he knew he had to see her.

Bella's POV

She was sitting on the couch trying to get some work done when someone knocked on the front door. At first she barely heard it but the second knock was louder. She wondered who would be showing up this late at night. She walked over and looked at the peephole but only saw the back of a man's head. Her brain said not to open the door but she did anyways. She should have listened to her head.

Her world spun quickly yet slowly out of control when he turned around and she was confronted by the face of memories that hadn't haunted her for a long time. Not that it mattered for one look at him and it all came flooding back in a painfully swift attack. It was as if she had been slapped across the face by the past.

"Hello, Bella," he said in the same deep liquid voice that had at one time melted her. Piercing blue eyes with caramel flecks stared back at her pulling her into him like they had the moment that she laid eyes on him. Those eyes haunted her.

"Jasper," she whispered and that small word seemed to take all her breath. Somehow she knew he would come back.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Why do you think that I am here? I had to see you. I know that I shouldn't be here but I just had to. Can I come in? Can we talk? Just for a little while and then I'll go," he pleaded with her and he touched a part of her that still hung on to that moment in her life where he loved her and she loved him and that was all that mattered.

"For a few minutes," she said and moved to let him in knowing that it was a mistake but that in some dark buried part of her that she wanted to see him too.

Jasper stared around at the house and pictures of her new life assaulted his mind. It was more painfully then he ever could have imagined. Smiling faces of her and another man that from the ring on her finger was her husband. He had put a ring on her finger once. It should still be there he thought. A beautiful child stared back at him reminding him of what they had lost. It was photos of the life that he had wanted with her. It was visual reminders of the fact that she had moved on and loved another man who had given her everything that he never could.

"When I walked up to the door I didn't know what I was going to say to you. I came to town for business and I heard what happened. I knew I had to come and see you," he said staring at the pictures. Something about them was pulling him to look closer.

"You didn't have to do that," she told him and he saw the raw pain well up inside her eyes.

"Yes I did," he said.

"Thank-you."

"How are you? How are you doing?" he said still not looking at her. He was close to tears himself and looking at her would only make him more emotional.

"I'm a wreck but I'm trying to be strong," she told him as the wave of despair washed over her again.

"I really am so sorry about your loss," he told her and never in his life had he wanted something more than to take away her pain. He hadn't even let his own in yet.

"I still can't believe he is gone," she whispered as tears silently fell from her eyes. He gave her a minute to get herself together and when he saw her dry the tears he said, "Your daughter is beautiful," he told her not knowing what else to say to her. He knew there were no words to comfort her so he tried to take her mind away from the pain. When he was going to deal with his own he was not sure.

"Thank-you," she told him trying to dry her eyes as she came to stand next to him in front of the fireplace. "Sadie is five and very strong willed. She likes things her way and she is very passionate about things important to her," she said laughing.

He looked up into her eyes and stared. He couldn't believe how beautiful she was. She had always been that way but the years had turned her into a stunning woman. Her hair was darker now. A warmer, richer shade that only made her brown eyes pop. She had on jeans, a white tee-shirt, and her hair in a ponytail. Her feet were bare and her toes were painted red. She didn't have an ounce of make-up on and she was wearing that same damn perfume that drove him crazy.

She never looked sexier. He wanted her. His body ached to touch her. It was unnatural he thought to himself the way he wanted her, needed her.

"Just like her mother," he said walking away from her. He needed to put space between them for both of their sake.

"I guess you could say that. I think that she is much more like her father," she quietly said to him and thought to herself how hard it had to be for him. This was the life he had wanted, might have had if things had been different. But it was her life and him being there changed nothing.

"Where is your husband?" he thought to ask. He must not be home other wise she wouldn't have let him in.

"He is at work."

"What are you doing now? Still working at the shop?"

"God no. I went back to college and majored in business and then I opened my own business, Fairy Tale Creations. I plan parties, wedding, and all kinds of events for all kinds of things."

"That name sounds so familiar to me," he said thinking that Emmett had been right. Bella had her life altogether now that he was out of it. God, Emmett. He tried to hold back his own tears.

"We did a huge birthday party at Flutter a few months ago," she told him. Well Fairy Tale Creations had. It had been too hard for her to be involved with it.

"That must have been it. So I guess things are going pretty good for you," he told her thinking that he wished that he had been the one to make her this happy.

"Normally things are. The last few months have been hard but he wouldn't have wanted me to be consumed by my grief. I know that in the last years that the two of you lost touch but he really did love you. I know one of his regrets was never getting to see you one last time and tell you that and that he forgave you. He did leave you a letter though," she told him. She went to the desk and pulled out the envelope.

"I would have been here if I had known," he told her fighting harder now to keep his tears hidden.

"And if I knew we had so little time I would have tried harder to find you. Two weeks after finding out about the cancer he was gone. We hadn't even had time to process the news. I think he knew though that time was short. We were all thinking about treatment and he was putting his life in order. I miss him every day but I feel so bad for Rosalie. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost Edward. They just had a baby too, another son… Emmett Jr. and Henry. Starlight is doing amazing. Indigo Blue opened the same day as his funeral and Numb opens in three weeks. He had so much to live for and so many people who loved him," she whispered as her tears fell and she saw Jasper's own trickled down his face. Without thought she walked over to him and hugged him.

"If there was any justice in the world it would have been me. I have nothing that ties me to this world, no one to miss me if I was gone," he let out, in the warmth of her embrace. God his only brother was gone and he had not gotten to say good-bye.

"Don't say that. God has a plan for everyone and everything. He took Emmett because his work was done. Just like you are still here for a reason."

"The last time I saw him we got into it… over you of course. I was a wreak over what happened between us that night. The guilt was almost too much for me. He told me that if I really loved you and wanted you to be happy that I should buy a one-way ticket out of town. Having me around was only going to ruin you. How could you get over me and move on with your life if there was always that fear of running into me. So I packed up and left but not before I came here to tell you that I was going …" Jasper explained to her.

"You act like you were some kind of monster. Like you ruined my life. We both made a lot of mistakes but I never once thought that you did it to hurt me or cause me pain. I never have or never will blame you for what went wrong between us."

"From the moment that I met you I understood the reason that I had been born and that was to love and care for an angel. I tried but how does a mere man know how to protect an angel? I didn't and I did everything wrong and you forgave me. I hurt you and you comforted me. I failed at everything and you praised me and held me up when my feet would not carry me. You were the light in the darkness that was and remains my soul," he confessed to her like a man confessing his sins on his finally day.

"Please… please don't make me out to be something more than I am and that is just a woman. I did all I did not because I am an angel but because I loved you. Love gives you power to do rare things. You might think that you left only scars across my soul but the truth is that you left the markings of love. You did not destroy me but awoke me to the emotions of passion, tenderness, hope, forgiveness, joy, sorrow, longing, need, desire, anger, and I could go on and on. You helped stamp out the woman that I am today. Without you, I would not know how love should feel," she told him with her whole heart breaking because she understood that he would not believe her and that he could not forgive himself of past mistakes.

"I don't deserve any of you love, I never did."

"Why did you come here besides for Emmett?" Bella asked him, seeing so much sorrow and loneness in him. His pain was consuming him. His demons were getting the best of him.

"I don't know. It is not like you have ever left me. I have been haunted by you from the moment that I met you and ten fold since you have been gone from my life. Part of me wanted to see you, make sure that you were okay. Maybe part of me wanted you not to be okay so that I could have a chance to make it that way for once…" he explained but knew that neither was the whole truth. The truth was that he had realized finally that with her it was more than him loving her, with her she was an addiction for him. And you know that the first step in any recovery is admitting that there is a problem and the next is asking for forgiveness.

"I forgave you a long time ago. You have had my forgiveness all this time but you can't accept it until you forgive the one person that you blame everything for, yourself. Why do you hate yourself so much? You claim that you hurt me so much and I can forgive you than why can't you forgive yourself? That is why you are here tonight. Because I think that you are starting to see that you need to forgive yourself to move on not for me to forgive you."

He paced around the room lost in his own thoughts. Could he ever forgive himself? He doubted that even God himself had that much forgiveness in him. There were just some things that could not be pardoned.

"Do you ever think about us? That time in your life," he asked knowing that he should just leave and let her get back to her life but he wasn't ready too. He could not let her go and that was the problem.

"When you left that first time I was so confused and hurt that I thought that I would never smile again. I locked myself away from everyone and everything and buried myself in every detail of what happened between us. I thought that the answers to my suffering was somewhere locked up in what went wrong between you and I," she told him letting herself slip back to a chapter in her life that she thought that she had closed the book on forever.

"And were they? Did you discover the secret to what went wrong with us? Cruz I couldn't. I never have been able to figure out how we could love each other so much and it never worked," he told her staring at her trying to read her thoughts through her eyes. They had always given away everything.

As if she could hear his thoughts she turned away from him and paced around the room searching for what to say to him.

"I never did. I still don't know why things happened the way they did between us. Maybe we will never understand and maybe we are not suppose to. Someone else had a bigger plan for us then we had for ourselves," she explained knowing as much as it had hurt losing him that it had to happen. If not for that, she would have never found Edward. She couldn't tell him that though.

"That is just a lame story people tell themselves when shit happens."

"If you want to know the truth, well the truth of the matter is that…"

"The truth is that I was the reason that we didn't work. The sad reality of it all is that I ruined you, our relationship, and myself in the end."

"Jasper…"

"Don't try to pretend that you don't know it is true. All you need to do is look back at our history and you can clearly see I was at fault."

"You must be remembering some other relationship than the one I remember sharing with you."

Just then a mini version of Bella came shuffling out of the hall. She was beautiful. Long blonde hair flowed behind her perfect angelic face. Pouty pink lips filled her face. Long thick black lashes hovered over big brown eyes.

"Mommy I heard noises," she whispered.

"It was just mommy talking to her friend," she told her, picking her up into her arms to carry her back to the safety of her bed.

"Hi, I'm Sadie James Cullen, nice to meet you," she said to Jasper in the same way her mother had what seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Jasper James Whitlock," he told her with a smile as that little girl melted his heart. There was something so familiar about her but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"You have the same name as me," she said with a giggle.

"Enough with the social hour, let's get you back in bed," Bella said in a hurry to get her daughter away from him.

As she went to put her back to bed Jasper found himself staring once again at the family photo over the fireplace. Bella sitting in the arms of her husband stared back at him with those haunting brown eyes and long brown hair. Her husband smiled over the girls in his life with green eyes and bronzy brown hair. Then there was Sadie with blonde waves and haunting brown eyes that stared at him asking him questions. Where had her blonde hair come from?

"Sorry about that. Since Emmett…well she has been having a hard time of it. She is old enough to understand but young enough not to. She is afraid we are going to leave her and go to heaven too. She was very close to Emmett."

"She is beautiful. It was like looking at a mini version of you except for her hair. I looked at your husband and he has brownish hair too. Where does the blonde hair come from?" he asked and things started to come undone in his mind.

"I really don't know. Probably a recessive gene or something like that or just the fact that a lot of kids have lighter hair when they are little. Just one of those things. Listen it is late and I have some work to finish up so I think maybe you should go. I wrote the directions to the cemetery where Emmett is on the back of the envelope in case you wanted to go see him before you left," she told him, needing for him to go and disappear out of her life once again, "Thanks for coming. It meant a lot to me."

He just stared at her knowing there was something that she was hiding or not saying. Her eyes always gave her away.

"I…" he stared to say but the truth was he had so much to say to her, ask her that he didn't know where to begin. It was clear though that night was not going to be the night that anything was cleared up. So he said good night knowing that it wasn't goodbye.


	15. Chapter 15

I own nothing.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Truth will set you free

The drive over to the cemetery was short but a million thoughts happened in that amount of time. He knew that there were things that Bella wasn't saying to him. She had secrets that she never meant to see the light of day. He just wasn't hundred percent sure what they were but he knew that he couldn't leave until he did. There was this nagging voice in the back of his brain that kept chanting what are those secrets? Were do I fit in?

It was after hours when he pulled in. The gate were locked so he parked his car and jumped the fence not knowing if he left now that he would make his way back. The emptiness filled him as he made his way around in the dark struggling to find the grave of his brother. Never had he felt more alone in the world.

After minutes of fumbling around he finally found his headstone. The grass was yet to completely grow over the grave. Emmett McCarty, Beloved Husband, Father, and Brother, June 15, 1977 to August 4, 2009.

He dropped down next to the headstone and closed his eyes. It was awhile later when he finally lifted his head.

"Man I wish you were still here. I bet you would have kicked my ass for going to see her. I would have deserved it too. You were right. Yeah I finally said it. It won't happen again though. Bella is happy, really happy. She looks beautiful. Her life seems pretty much perfect. Leaving was the best thing I could have ever done for her. But you knew that all along," he felt the tears fill his eyes as he thought about someone else he had lost, "I have a favor to ask you. I know what you are thinking, I'm dead and this fucker is still asking for favors. The thing is it is only something someone in your position can do and I wouldn't trust anyone else anyways. You know the child me and Bella lost… well I was wondering if you run into him or have a way of finding out who he was if you could look after him. Maybe tell him about his parents. Only the good parts where I'm concern. I know there isn't many but could you just make sure he knows I love him. I know we didn't know if it was a boy or a girl but I have the feeling it was a boy. Tell him I wish I would have gotten to meet him. But I know having you up there to look after him he is in good hands," he said and took a moment to dry his eyes. He tried not to think about the child they lost. It was just too hard and those times when he did he usually found himself sink into a dark hole that consumed him.

"I saw the picture of your sons at Bella's. Not bad for an ugly fart like you. I'm sure having Rosalie as their mother didn't hurt. Man, you know it should have been me. What the hell was God thinking? You had so much to live for and so many people who miss you. All I've done is fuck everything up and disappoint people. No one would have missed me. I have nothing to live for," he said sinking into depression over all that he had and lost and what could never be replaced.

"I wish you were here to talk to me," he said and then his brain flashed the letter. He pulled the envelope out of his jacket and stared at it for a moment before ripping it open.

Jasper,

There is so much I could say to you but no matter what it would be you know how I felt about you. You were my best friend above being my brother. I just wish I could have told you that one more time. I gave you a really hard time about what went down with Bella and looking back I know that I was wrong for butting in. It was just that she was my sister and I wanted to protect her. I had failed to do it once and was not about to do so again. I didn't need to protect her from you though. I know that now. You and her should have had the change to work things out or not but it should have been up to you two. After all I said about butting in I'm going to go ahead and do it one more time. This is my last gift to you as a way of saying sorry.

I never asked and she never said but in my heart I think that Sadie is your daughter.

Emmett

* * *

Bella paced around the room trying to calm her nerves. Having Jasper show up there was honestly not that huge of a surprise. She figured that once he learned about Emmett that he would be to see her. She had tried to prepare herself for it but it was like preparing for a hurricane. Her emotions were raw. Talking about her brother was hard enough but then to have to relive her past now she was a mess.

It was like no time had past as she stared into those eyes that haunted her. As much as she pretended that she was over him she knew that was impossible. It wasn't about being in love with him, it went deeper than that. They had been though so damn much and shared so much that there was this connection between them that was still undeniable. She felt it the moment that he looked at her.

Just then the phone rang and she jumped. She feared that it was Jasper calling her as she edged over to check the caller id. Relieve filled her when she saw it was Edward.

"Hi honey. How are you feeling?" he asked in the voice that calmed her instantly.

"I've been better. He showed up tonight," was all she had to say because he knew who he was. They had talked about the possibility and how they were going to handle it.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah but it wasn't easy. Just seeing him was hard. It wasn't just about him though. It brought up a lot of memories of my brother. Then the worst part was that he asked about Sadie," she told him.

"What did he ask?" he questioned and she heard the stain in his voice.

"At first nothing but she came out of the bedroom because she heard noises. There was a brief greeting between the two but I hurried to put her back to bed. When I came back he asked where she got her blonde hair from considering we both have darker. I just came up with some line about a recessive gene or something and hurried him out."

"Do you think that he bought it?" Edward asked his greatest fear coming true.

"For the moment, yes. The thing was I saw in his expression that there were questions there. I don't think that he had a chance to piece it all together yet but I don't doubt that he will realize that Sadie is his daughter," she let out.

* * *

His heart was thumping out of his chest. "I think Sadie is your daughter," echoed with every beat.

Questions raced through his mind trying to find answers. He had none but he sure the hell was going to find them.

Damn you Bella.

* * *

It was just after lunch when he came home. She was folding laundry and she didn't hear him as he came in which gave him a moment to watch her. It had been well over six years since the first time that he saw her but each time he saw her it was like seeing her for the first time.

He had fallen in love with her that first night. It sounded like a cheesy line but it was the honest truth. Her love for him had come slower taking its own course and sweet time but in the end she had fallen for him.

"Edward, what the heck are you doing?" she asked, unnerved by looking up and seeing him there.

"Watching you fold laundry," he smiled having made his way over to her by now pulling the towel from her hand and taking her into a long kiss. He had missed her.

"I never knew that me folding laundry was such a turn on for you," she joked, relieved and happy to have him home. Things always seemed better when he was around. Though she could not shake her thoughts of Jasper. His return had brought up a lot of old feelings. She tried to push them away. Thinking about him would do nothing but stir up trouble. The best thing that could happen was he left town again without piecing things together.

"Anything that you do is a turn on to me," he grinned.

"What are you doing home? I thought that you were working a double shift at the hospital."

"I thought that being home with you was more important. Where is my beautiful girl?"

"Sadie is at school still. I know the real reason you came home," she told him, knowing that they had to talk about him and what they were going to do.

"You got me. I came home because all I could think about was making love to my pretty little wife," he told her with a twinkle in his eyes.

* * *

Neither expected the other on the other side of the door as the man she loved came face to face with the man she use to love for the first time.

"Hello," Edward said to him thinking how much he detested this man for all the pain he put Bella through. But mostly he hated him because in his heart he knew the hold he still had over his wife.

"I was looking for Bella," he said, glaring at the man who had everything that should have been his. He should have never given it up.

"She's not home right now."

"Do you know when she is going to be home?"

"She went to pick up our daughter at school," he told him making sure to use the word our. He knew by looking at him that he knew. He also could see that he was not going to make it easy and just go away.

"I'll be back."

"Why don't you come in and wait. I think that we have some things to talk about before Bella comes back," he told him and thought that it was long over due that they talked man to man.

Jasper sat in the chair staring at the man that had his life. God he was the complete opposite of him. It was like night and day, good and bad, right and wrong. It was insane to think that she could ever love both of them. Maybe she hadn't.

Edward sat across from the man that wanted his life. It hurt him to think about her loving him and the life she had with him before. It hurt even more to know that he wanted it back and was there to take it.

"Why are you here?" Edward asked him directly. No pretty words, no messing around he got right to the point.

"That is between Bella and me," he stated annoyed to have to deal with this guy. This had nothing to do with him.

"Anything that deals with my wife deals with me. I understand about Emmett but that does not mean you have to be here. Don't you think that it is time for you to disappear again, this time on a permanent basis?"

"This has nothing to do with that. Bella and I have some unfinished business."

"You and Bella have nothing left undone. Don't you get it, she forgot about you. She moved on with her life. She is happy. You are not even a memory to her anymore. She loves me. There are no what if regrets haunting her," he told him and maybe himself. He wanted to believe that was all true.

"I don't know who you think you are…"

"Who I am is the man who gave her everything that you couldn't. I'm the man who healed her heart not broke it. I'm the man who put his ring on her finger and she vowed to love for the rest of her life. I'm the man that makes her smile and laugh. I'm the man who you could never be."

"All I see is a man afraid that he might not be as much of a man to her as he thinks," Jasper challenged at the true words that he shot at him.

"I have no doubts. I know who she makes love to every night," he said as a low blow that was not his style but this punk was pushing his buttons.

The words sting. It made his skin crawl to think about her in the arms of another man even though he knew that she hadn't been his for a long time. To him though she would always be his.

"True but let's not forget the fact that I'll always be the first."

With that Edward jump out of his chair and in one swift move grabbed Jasper by his shirt bringing up out of the chair to stand face to face with him.

"Listen to me and listen good there is no place here for you. There is no reason for you to be here," Edward told him through gritted teeth. He hadn't been there to protect her the first time from this guy but he damn well was going to this time.

"What the heck is going on here?" Bella demanded as she walked in on her husband about to hit Jasper. Edward instantly let him go and Jasper straightened himself out.

"Nothing."

"Daddy, daddy you are home," came a little voice from an angel that ran a million miles an hour into the arms of her father that she kissed and hugged.

"I've missed you so much," she told him.

"Did you grow while I was at work?" he asked of the daughter that he loved more than life. She was his; no one was going to take her away from him.

"No silly daddy. Did you meet mommy's new friend?" she asked smiling over at Jasper who had a lump in his throat that was about to cut of his breathing. Tears started to fill his eyes.

"Yeah I did. Do you have any homework?" Edward asked wanting to take her attention away from him.

"How did you know?"

"Daddy knows everything. Come on let's go work on it and give mommy some time with her friend."

"Okay, bye Mr. Jasper," she said with her mother's smile and he could only stand there and stare at her as she disappeared out if his sight.

Bella tried to brace herself for what came next. She knew by the way he looked at Sadie that he somehow knew the truth. He knew her secret.

"What are you doing here?" Bella asked once they were gone into the bedroom.

"I think you know why I am here and you have a hell of a lot explaining to do," he told her.

"How did you find out?" was all she could ask. Her greatest fear had become a reality.

"I think the moment that I saw her that I knew but I just couldn't believe it. Then I read this," he told her handing her the note from Emmett. She read it and let it fall to the table as she sank down on the chair.

"I knew that he knew. He came close to asking me about it a few times when she was born and then at the end. I came close to telling him too but I was afraid to say it. Only Edward knows the truth," she said, staring at the ground.

"And what is the truth?" he asked her coming over to her kneeling down in front of her. He wanted to scream and yell at her but he couldn't. She wanted to hit him, push him away but she couldn't.

"Sadie is your daughter," she said hearing the words she thought that she would never have to say. Tears fell from what this moment meant to them all.

"Why? Why wouldn't you tell me?" he asked as his heart filled with light for the first time in a long time.

"Does that matter now?" she asked him and when he didn't answer she said, "I was shocked when I found out, scared. Edward was there for me. He told me that it was going to be all right and that he would be her father and love her as if she was his own and he has. You saw them together, he is her dad and she loves him," she told him.

"But he isn't her father, I am."

"Not to her. Please don't take him away from her," she pleaded with him, pleading for her own happiness. He needed to leave before everything started to fall apart. She could already feel it start to unravel.

"I'm not going to just walk away from her," he told her. He had made the mistake once when he walked away from Bella and unknowingly his daughter. He was not going to give Sadie up without a fight.

"I hate you," she hissed at him and pushed him away from her and walked away.

A week later when she hadn't heard from Jasper again she hoped that he had for once done the right thing and left but a call from a lawyer told her that she was mistaken. He was going after her to be able to see Sadie.

Having already talked to their own lawyer, she was well aware that Jasper had rights where her daughter was concerned. Her only hope was talking some sense into him before it got all out of hand.

She drove to both clubs to find out that he was neither place which meant that he was more than likely at his house. It was the last place that she wanted to go but she had to talk to him. Sure enough a car was parked in the driveway. It took her a few minutes just to calm her racing heart. Being there was like walking back into her past and revisiting scenes. So much had happened in this house, good and bad. So many memories she thought not only thinking about Jasper but also her brother. She fought the tears.

He wondered when she would be showing up.

"I see that you heard from my lawyer," was how he greeted her. Being an asshole to her was his only line of defense. Even after finding out that she had kept his own daughter away from him for five years he still couldn't hate her. He might even love her more now knowing that she had given him what he thought he would never have.

"Can I come in? I would like to talk to you," she said and prayed for the words to convince him to let go of his own child. He had to let them go. She didn't know what would happen if he didn't.

He backed to the side and let her walk in. Nothing was different. She thought about the first time she had walked in here in amazement and wonder. Images of another life flashed through her mind. There had been happiness here if only briefly.

He waited for her to settle in the chair before finding his place on the couch. Clips of another life played through his brain. How could so much have changed? Where was the man watching the innocent girl laughing so full of life? What had happened to the two people so in love with a bright future ahead of them?

"What ever happened to that dog I got you?" Jasper asked out of nowhere. He had been thinking about the first night they made love and that stupid dog popped up into his thoughts.

"I still have him. In fact I have everything that you ever gave me. I packed it up a long time ago but at that point I wasn't all the way over you and couldn't bring myself to throw it away. Then when I found out about Sadie well I kept it not knowing if one day I might not tell her about you. I honestly never meant to hide the fact that you were her father from her or you. When I found out I tried to find you. No one seemed to know where you were and if they did they would not tell me. I called your phone the number had been changed. I went to the clubs but nothing. So I finally wrote you a letter and waited to hear from you. It was sent back to me," she explained to him pulling out the letter that had been so torture for her to write and than when it came back she knew she was on her own. When he said it was good-bye for good he meant it. Her heart didn't break it shattered.

He took the letter from her and looked at his name and address printed across the envelope. The words return to sender stamped in big red letters covered his name.

"You were gone and I couldn't find you. I finally realized that you didn't want to be found. So I did the only thing I could. Edward and I got married and he became her father. It was what I thought was the best thing for her. She has had a good life. Edward has been a great dad to her. He loves her as if she is his. She is happy and loves her dad. You can't erase that from her. All you can do is hurt her. Do you know what it would do to her to know that Edward wasn't her dad?" she pleaded. It wasn't about her or him but about her daughter that would be destroyed to found out Edward was not her father.

"Do you know what it is doing to me to know that I've missed out on five years of my own daughter's life?" he told her anger filling him at all that he could never get back.

"I thought about that. I have something to for you," she told him pulling out the scrapbook that had the words Sadie James across it; "I have been making this for you. I have never for one moment forgotten that she was yours. I even gave her part of your name. To this day Edward still doesn't know that James was your middle name but I wanted her to have part of you," she told him as she laid it on the table.

"Then why are you trying to keep her away from me?"

"Just because something is yours doesn't always mean you

Get to have it."

"What else in mine that I don't get to have?"

She just stared at him.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Loss

When she left his house she was madder than she could ever remember being. She had screamed at him and called him every nasty word she could think of when he made it clear that he planned to be a part of his daughter's life, whether she liked it or not.

"You almost destroyed my life once and now you are back to finish the job," was her finally statement to him before she stormed out slamming the door behind her.

Then she went home and cried in her husband's arms and begged him to make it all better. When he told her he didn't know how she really lost it. Since she had met him Edward had always known how to make it better so if even he couldn't it had to hopeless.

He sat in the middle of his bed with photos of his daughter surrounding him. The book that Bella had given him contained every moment of their daughter's life. It was almost as if he had been there as he read the comments that she had added to each page.

Hours later when he came to the end of the book he found the letter that Bella had handed to him. He picked it up and held it wondering how different their life would be right now if he had received it.

Jasper,

I never intended for you to read this in a letter but it seems that you have dropped off the face of the earth. No one knows or if they do will tell me where you are.

I told you when you came to tell me you were leaving that I didn't want you to go and you told me I just thought that. I still feel that way. All I want is for you to be here with me right now.

I know that I was the one who walked away in the first place. I did that only because I loved you too much to stay and find out that you really didn't love me as much. Between the girls and the drinking it was too much for me to handle. Yeah I know the girls were when we were broke up but I just keep thinking the next time it wouldn't be. I wish I had stayed. I wish I were still in your arms. I wish you would come back. I wish so many things for us. Most of all I wish you were here so I could tell you how much I love you and that we are having a baby.

It happened that night. I could not believe it after everything. I'm happy though. I feel like I still have part of you here with me. Now I just wish that you were here too. Please come home, your family is waiting for you.

Forever yours, Forever mine

Bella

Tears hit the paper as he realized how much he lost. She had been there waiting for him and he hadn't even known.

If he had only gotten the letter. He should have never left her. It tore out his heart to know how she really felt about him and if he had just stayed things would be so different. It was too late he knew to go back but this time he was not walking away.

He was back in town to stay. He had left for a few weeks to settle things in Las Vegas but now that he had he was not leaving again. This was going to be his home, a home he planned on sharing with his daughter.

He just hoped that the last few weeks had given Bella time to come to terms with the fact that nothing or no one was going to make him give Sadie away like he had her. He didn't give a damn who said what or claimed she was better off with out him. He should have fought for Bella but he hadn't. He would fight to the death for their daughter. He hoped that it wouldn't come to that.

"Hi Mr. Jasper," Sadie said to him when he went to see Bella the next day.

"Hi, princess," he said with a smile. It took all he had not to pick her up and hug her. She was his. This perfect angel was his.

"Mommy isn't here," she told him.

"Oh. Is daddy here with you?" he questioned and he nearly choked on the words.

"Nope. Aunt Rosalie. Daddy is with my mommy. She is in the hospital. Daddy always makes my mommy feel better. Do you want to come in?" she said.

"Okay," he told her and his thoughts were with Bella and what had happened. Fear and worry filled him.

"Aunt Rosalie, Aunt Rosalie…" she went yelling through the house.

"Jasper…" Rosalie said coming out of the bedroom carrying the image of Emmett.

"Oh hi," he said.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to Bella," he said and then, "I'm so sorry about Emmett. I would have been at the funeral if I had known."

"Thanks," she said and it was clear she was far from being okay. It was too soon. It was too much. It was easier not to talk about it, think about it.

"What happened?"

"She had a miscarriage. Then they had to do an emergency hysterectomy. She lost a lot of blood. It looked really bad there for a minute. We are all just praying for her right now."

* * *

He sat at her bedside watching her sleep as the machines beeped and hummed. She looked so peaceful. He couldn't believe that he had almost lost her.

The nightmare scenes of Bella played over and over in his mind as she just closed her eyes and the life drain out of her as blood started to pour out of her.

Doctors and nurses swirling around calling out instructions as they wheeled her out of the room and off to surgery asking him to sign the papers to save her life. Then she was gone and he was left standing there alone. He dropped to his knees and prayed. He prayed for God not to take her. He made every promise in the world to him if he would just spare her. Something that he had said must have worked because she was there still with him.

He had always known he loved her but it wasn't until those moments that he thought he was going to loss her did he have any idea how much. He could not imagine getting out of bed in the morning if she was not there next to her. The thought of never seeing her smile at him again or play with their daughter made tears start to form once again.

"You go ahead and get a good sleep," he told her feeling so overwhelmed right at that moment. She had only been six weeks pregnant. They had only found out a few weeks ago but they were thrilled. He was thrilled. They had tried for a long time to have a baby and it seemed like finally all their dreams were coming true. That was all gone now. They would never have a child of their own and he was here to take away Sadie. He felt like he was losing everything.

Jasper waited until he was gone before he slipped in. He had been here before sitting watching her peacefully sleep in a hospital bed. The reason why hadn't changed only the players.

"Edward…" she softly said as she struggled to open her eyes.

"He just left," he said and wondered how she was going to react to him being there. The last conversation between them had been anything other than friendly.

"Jasper…" she said as she finally opened her eyes. She winced in pain.

"Are you okay…do you want me to call the nurse or something?" he asked on the edge of his chair.

"No, I'm okay…I think. What happened?" she said.

"Why don't I call you husband," he told her knowing that it wasn't his place to say anything to her. He shouldn't even be there.

"How long have I been out of it?" she asked, feeling fuzzy.

"Let's have your husband go over all that with you. It is not my place to tell you anything."

"Do you know what is going on?"

"Partly."

"Okay then. Since you are here and he isn't you are going to tell me what you know."

"You had a miscarriage Bella. I'm so sorry. I didn't even know you were pregnant," he told her feeling himself slip back to another night when it was his child she had lost.

"We just found out. I was only six weeks," she told him. she had known the moment she had seen the blood that something bad had happened.

"You started bleeding and they couldn't stop it and had to take you into surgery and perform an emergency hysterectomy. You are going to be fine now," he told her and he watched as the news sunk in.

That was it. She was never going to have another child. She was never going to give Edward a child of his own. That chapter in her life had been written and closed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked seeing how weak and fragile she looked.

"Just a little tired."

"Are you sure that you don't want me to call your husband?"

"If I know Edward he has been here too much and needs a break. He'll be back soon."

"How come you never got married and started a family?" she questioned out of nowhere.

"One day a long time ago an angel slipped this ring on my finger and said with this ring I marry this man, I make him mine forever. Though it was never made official in the eyes of the courts, to me it was. It was forever for me," he told her. He had not taken off the ring since she put in his finger. To him she was still his and he would always be hers.

Edward stood outside the door and watched as she smiled at him. For a second he felt his heart stop. Why was he there and why hadn't she told him to leave? It wasn't right. He had no place in their life. Had she forgotten that he was trying to take their daughter away from them?

"I think that I better get out of here and let you get some sleep. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay," he said.

"Thank you for coming to see me. I'm going to see you again right?" she asked. There were things that she had to tell him. There was so much left unsaid between them.

"You work on getting better and then we will have a talk," he told her before slipping out of her room. As he rounded the corner of the door he was met by her husband.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded.

"Visiting an old friend," was what he said and placed his sunglasses back on and walked pass him and down the hall.

Things were starting to go back to normal. It had been three months since what had happened. She wasn't all the way back to normal but everyday she felt more like her old self. At least that was what she kept telling herself. Yet she knew that everything was different. Nothing was ever going to be the same.

Edward had been amazing. He had taken care of her and Sadie without one complainant. Rosalie had been great too when it came to helping out even though she had her own things to deal with but Bella knew that she needed to keep busy. She knew she was afraid to slow down and stop because then she might start thinking about Emmett.

God how she wished he was still there. She missed him so much. If anyone could shake the thoughts that she had been having lately out of her mind it was him. She could hear him, "Are you nuts? Did you fall and suffer brain damage?"

"Earth to Bella."

"What was it that you were saying?" she asked Angela. Yeah they were still friends. In fact they were business partners.

"Are you with it? What is going on?" she asked.

"I was just thinking about something. So how is everything going on the new department?" she asked trying to keep her head off things that she had no right thinking about.

"Are you sure that it is such a good idea to launch the wedding planning division right now with you laid up and me consumed with the other parties and events. We had planned on you being back at work by now. I can't do this all myself."

"We have brides counting on us. We might need to hire someone until I'm 100% but we can't push this back," she explained to her and thought her last thought was about work. She knew heading back was nothing she wanted anytime soon but they did have a business to run and people expecting them to do their job.

"You sound like you have no plans of coming back anytime soon. I thought that you were itching to get back," she asked and knew just from her last few encounters with Bella that something was going on with her and it had more to do with losing the baby.

"Probably because I don't really have any set plans about anything. I thought that I would be able to have my head back on work by now but well…work is last on the list. That is why I'm saying we need to hire someone to pick up my slack. We knew that we would probably be doing that anyways."

"What's going on?" she asked, finally.

"What do you mean?"

"I get the whole line about why you are not ready to go back to work and I ever understand that but there is something else going on. I have felt it ever since…Is this about Emmett?" she questioned. When he died Bella had fallen apart. She had never seen her like that. She had seen her best friend go through a lot and she never gave up. She did for a while when her brother died. Without Edward she wasn't sure if she would have made it through to the other side.

"It is not about him. I miss him but I'm always going to miss him," she said and thought there was no way that she was going to tell her the real reason that she was out of sorts. The thing was Angela was not one to let things go without an answer, "Maybe it is about him. He was my only family."

"Edward and Sadie are your family now and Rosalie and your nephews. Not to mention the best friend in the world. I know that you have a lot going on right now but you have all of us to help you in any way we can. Not that I'm saying that I would ever want it but if I did want the whole husband and kids life yours is pretty perfect. Your marriage and kid are like something out of a fairy tale. You have almost every girl's happy ending."

Two nights later she was up not able to sleep and Angela's last words were still ringing in her thoughts. She had a dream life for the most part. She had a husband that loved and adored her. She had a healthy, happy daughter. She had her own business that was doing very well. They had nice house, nice cars, took vacations, and had money in the bank. Yet she felt like something was missing. Something inside of her was missing and it had nothing to do with losing the baby or not being able to have another one. there was sadness in her because of that but that was not what was haunting her.

"What are you doing up?" he asked. He woke up to find she was missing from bed. It was becoming almost nightly that this was happening.

"I couldn't sleep. Work stuff…" she lied.

"Anything I can help with?"

"No not really. I'm going to go back to bed."

He sat there as she walked into the other room and wondered what he was going to do about the changes in her.

It started again when Emmett died. He understood her grief and lost but she didn't come out of it. Instead she sank deeper and deeper into despair. He finally got her to go to a psychologist to deal with her depression. After awhile she started to get back to her old self only to lose the baby and then have Jasper show up in their life and stir up trouble. The fear of losing Sadie or even having to explain to her that the father she thought was hers wasn't was weighing heavily on her. Not to mention on himself. It had been months now and Jasper still hadn't taken any steps to make a stand as her father. It was like waiting for the other shoe to fall wondering when and if he would. Just having him back was enough misery. He saw the way it was affecting her. Something had to change.


	17. Chapter 17

I own nothing.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Confessions

Jasper couldn't say he was surprised when he got her phone call. He knew that at some point she was going to want to know what he was planning on doing concerning Sadie.

"Hello."

"Hi."

"How are you?"

"Okay… better."

"That's good."

"Are you busy?"

"Not really."

"Can I come over?"

"Sure."

"Are you at home?"

"Yes."

"Okay, see you soon."

Thirty minutes later she was knocking on his door. He opened it to find her standing there looking amazing. He couldn't believe that it was just months ago that he saw her lying in the hospital barely back from the brink of death. She never failed to amaze him in everything she did. There was always this tenacity about her. She was a survivor determined to make it no matter what.

"You look good," he told her as she sat in his living room looking nervous and worried. She was chewing feverishly on her lip. It had always been a sure giveaway to how anxious she was.

"Thanks. How are you?" she asked thinking that she should not be there but she couldn't help it. She really needed to help it. She needed help.

"Alright, I guess. Rosalie unexpectedly came to see me a few weeks ago. She wanted to know if I interested in buying the clubs from her. I told her that I would think about it. What do you think?" he asked. It was a big move. He already had the other two with one soon to open. He would probably have to take out a loan to even buy them. He wasn't sure if it was the right move for him. Not right now with so much else on his plate.

"I can't believe that she wants to sell them. I know that it was never her thing but Emmett was so proud of them and well…" she said and then paused, "I guess if she is planning on selling them I think that if Emmett had a choice he would want you to take them over. It wouldn't be right for some stranger to be running them," she expressed to him.

"Then I'll tell her yes," he told her as if her opinion trumped all other thoughts.

"Good," she announced smiling. It was nice to see her smiling again. It seemed so long ago and far away.

"So how is everyone?"

"You really just wanted to know about Sadie. She is going to start dance in a few weeks and she already started soccer. Her kindergarten graduation is coming up too."

"Maybe I could come to it," he asked hopeful. Not just hopeful that she would say yes but that her yes was a step in the right direction in her letting me into my daughter's life.

"What are you planning on doing? Are you going to take me to court?" she asked, needing to know what he was thinking. Not knowing was driving her nuts. It was why she had come over there. To finally find out what his plans were concerning her daughter. At least that was the reason she was using.

"I don't want to have to take you to court. I hope that we can come to some kind of agreement between us. As much as you would like to change it I am her father," Jasper told her taken back by her sudden switch in attitude towards him. It was like for one brief moment she hadn't view him as a threat to her life and had let down her guard.

"Don't you think that I know that? Every day for over five years every time I look at her I see you. There was no forgetting that she was your daughter," she told him without looking at him. It was too hard to look at him. Her emotions were raging. Her hormones were out of whack.

She just wanted to run away from all this. Find a place to hide and forget for awhile.

"You sound like you almost hate her because she was mine," he accused.

"I could never hate her no matter who her father was or for any other reason. Honestly if anything I probably have always loved her even more because she was yours," she admitted. It was true. As much as everyone said she looked like her all she saw when she looked at her was her father. Small things to start with like the way she would smile or an expression. As she started to get older and develop a personality Jasper showed up in so many other ways.

Jasper just stared at her. Something was different about her. Since he had come back she had not been down right mean to him but she had kept her space and her cool. Now it almost seemed like she was trying to get closer to him and get him to let down his own guard. Maybe it was just her way of getting him to see things her way concerning their daughter. He wondered if it was more though.

"What are you trying to say to me? Running around in circles is not what I call fun. If you have something to tell me then just say it," he informed her.

She looked at him and then looked away. It was a move he had witnessed too many time times to count. It was her way of hiding when she was afraid to say what she felt. That was because her eyes always gave her away. He knew there was something eating at her but what ever it was she was not ready to let out.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and tried to focus her thoughts. There was so much going on in her mind that she was having a hard time picking out one thought from another.

All these feelings and memories that had been brought back to life that now would not quietly go back into hiding once again. Things that she had no right thinking about, wondering about filled her mind taking up far too much space in her brain leaving little room for anything else.

Then suddenly as if a neon sign had been plugged in she saw "What are you doing? You are you thinking?"

"I was just here to find out your intentions as far as Sadie is concerned. I was hoping that since time has passed and you haven't made any demands that you had decided to leave our family intact," she told him and he could see right before his eyes her wall of ice freeze once again.

"That is not the case. I was just trying to do the right thing and give you time to get well and adjust. I was also hoping that by now that you had come to terms with me being a part of my daughter's life and had started to prepare her for the truth," he explained to her trying for once in his life to do the right thing where she was concerned. He knew that is was really hard for her and that it was going to be equally hard for their daughter. That was why he was trying to it in a way that caused the least amount of trauma.

"You can't prepare a five year old for being told your father isn't your father but this strange man you never met before is," she hissed at him. Her moment of weakness was over and she was back in defense mode trying to protect her family.

"Maybe not but I know that by pretending that I'm not her father and that I'm not going to be in her life is not helping anything either. I don't want to be a bastard and take this to court but I will if I have to," he explained to her and saw the rage in her start to boil up.

"Why stop now? You were always so good at being a bastard. I didn't always see it behind sly smiles and disarming eyes. It was always there though. I can't believe that I ever loved you. All you ever cared about was yourself. Your whole life has been this long drawn out tale of self pity and woo is me. Every horrible thing you ever did, every lie or half truth that came out of your mouth had an excuse behind it. You have never in your sorry life taken responsibility for the rotten things you did or the people that you hurt," she hissed at him.

Instead of coming back at her with some response he just hung his head. Everything that she had said was the truth and the truth hurt more coming from her. He had spent his life blaming his father for being a shitty dad. He let his cruel remarks take over his life and excused his bad actions to living up to the cruel words drilled into his brain. Even his successes he accounted to his father and proving him wrong. Everything else in his life was just filler. Women, booze, and whatever else made him stop feeling. He lied or forgot the truth to avoid conflict. He kept everyone at arms links afraid to care about someone because he learned coming out of the gate that the people that you love, that you let in are the ones you give the weapons to destroy you.

"You are correct on most of what you said. I have been a bastard since I can remember becoming the person I hated the most in life, my father. The more I tried not to be like him the more he took over and I somehow lost me in not being him. Then I met you and all I wanted was to be myself. I wanted to make you proud of me. I really did try but I never got it right. It seemed the harder I fought to become the man of your dreams the more I messed up. I should have been honest with you but I couldn't because I was not being honest with myself. It wasn't until these last few years that I feel like I finally know who I am, the real Jasper and not who my father said I was or the man that the rest of the world saw or even that man that loved you. I let it all go. Well all of it but you. I have tried but I can not get over you. I can't get pass the wounds I inflicted on you. Forgiving myself and forgetting you are not an option. We all have our crosses to bear and what I did to you and us is mine. You say I don't take responsibility well I have," he explained to her. He could tell that something that he had said had calmed her to a degree. He saw her soften and exhale.

"I'm sorry. I never came here to get into all this with you," she said as the thoughts in her brain started to go hay wire again. The sign had been unplugged, "Mistakes were made by both of us. I was too young and looking to escape my father. I saw you as my prince charming on a white horse. I wasn't ready to handle the fact that there are no such things as fairy tales and when things started to go wrong I didn't know how to handle it. I turned you into an evil monster and I remained some helpless creature in distress. There have been many things that I have not taken responsibility of letting myself play the victim. You hit the nail on the head. You didn't know yourself and neither did I. We had everything against us so it's no wonder we couldn't make it work."

"When I came back and you said everything happens for a reason and we don't always understand what it is I told you that it was bullshit. Now I realize that you were right. One way or another we were meant to have a child together. After we lost the first one, for you to end up pregnant with my child again had to be God's plan. And maybe me not finding out about her until now was also part of the plan. I honestly don't know what kind of father I would have been five years ago," he said and then told her, "You told me that when you found out you were pregnant that you tried to find me but it was like I dropped off the face of the earth and it a way I did. I went to rehab. I had been using alcohol to hide my pain for a long time but when things started going bad with us it got to the point where I was never not drinking. One day I woke up from the haze and realized that I was about to lose everything. The clubs were about to go under. There were chunks of my life that I could not remember. I had lost the will to live. I realized that it was either take charge of my life or plan my funeral. I have been sober for five years. Now I believe that I have my life together and I am ready to be the man and the father I was always meant to be. You just have to believe that and give me another chance. I know after the pain that I caused you that is a lot to ask," he pleaded his case to her. He was fighting for once more chance with her to make it okay. He knew that no longer meant with her but if he could be an amazing father to their daughter he knew that might clear the score.

"I really want to. The thing is that I'm protecting myself more than I'm protecting her," she confessed and then realized that she had said too much in a moment of weakness caused by opening up to each other about their past mistakes.

"What do you need protecting from? What are you afraid of?" he questioned, confused.

"Forget I said that. I have to go, I've been gone too long as it is," she got up and started to walk toward the door. He got up only steps behind her. She reached for the door handle her other hand out to stop him from proceeding.

"You are right when you say we all have our crosses to bear and mine is that I am still in love with you. I am afraid to let you into our daughter's life because I'll be letting you back into mine and I'm not so sure that I can handle that. When you were gone I was able to trick myself into believing that I was over you but having you back I can't lie to myself anymore," she let quietly slid out, "Don't get me wrong I love my husband. He is the sweetest most caring man alive and gave me my life back after you took it away. He is more than I deserve and that makes this all the more difficult," she told him and the tears started to fall for so many reasons.

"Bella," he whispered as his heart started to beat again.

"When you didn't come back I almost lost it but Edward was there to hold me together. I thought when he asked me to marry him that this was what was meant to be. If it wasn't you would have never left, you would have gotten the letter and came back but you didn't. I was not in love with him when we married. I had feelings for him but not real love. As time passed I did fall in love with him but honestly never to the degree that I love you. I've carried that guilt with me just like I've carried you with me. I know I can't react to my feelings for you. I can't let my own desires ruin my family. I have a husband and a daughter to think about but if I could wake up tomorrow and it could be you and me, I would."


	18. Chapter 18

I own nothing.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Deceit

Over the next few weeks he watched his wife sink into deep depression. When he tried to talk to her about it she just told him she was just fine and said he was overreacting. Then she went back off into her own world locked up inside her mind.

The thing was he had seen it happen before so he knew the signs. To the average person who didn't know his wife everything on the surface appeared perfectly all right. The house was clean, the laundry was done, and dinner was on the table. Sadie well taken care of and happy. She did the errands and everything else that needed to be taken care. She had even started to get back to work. The problem was she was doing all this as if she was a robot. There was no joy in her. There was no happiness. She had closed herself off from all emotion. She had almost stopped speaking to him and as for anything else she seemed disguised by his touch.

He was slowly watching his wife slip away and he was not sure why or what to do. It had started again when her brother died. It was then that she fell into the depression that she had experienced when she had the miscarriage and then when Jasper left and she found out she was pregnant with his child.

With the miscarriage he had been able to pull her out fairly easily. It was just a matter of talking to her and being there for her. Reminding her all the things that she had to be grateful for and that wasting her life was not what her child would have wanted.

With her depression after Jasper left it was worse than before. That had been a really low time in his life also which made it harder to deal with her needs. He'll never forget the feeling of her pulling away from him after he had come to her and told her that he loved her and wanted a future with her and that most of her was better than none of her.

He had made this whole big thing about her not being over Jasper and that until she was he couldn't be with her and he walked away from her. He left town. He went and saw his parents and tried to sort out his life. It was the time away from her that he found his heart was still with her and that he wouldn't imagine spending the rest of his life without seeing her pretty smile. So he headed back home and went to tell her how he felt.

He was too late. She refused to see him. She didn't answer the door or her phone. It was if to her he had stopped existing to her and the more she pushed him away the more he wanted her. He did anything and everything to get her to talk to him but nothing could break through.

Then one day as he was about to knock on her door hoping that this time she would answer she opened the door on her way out. Both were surprised but he was the one who got a shock when he saw the bump. She quickly tried to run away but this time he didn't let her and she finally told him what had happened.

In that moment he understood that it wasn't him and nothing else mattered. He didn't let another moment slip away and he confessed his love to her again and told her nothing else mattered but her. He promised her that he would be a father to her child and they would be a family.

She didn't want to be with him. She walked away from him. He didn't give up though. He loved her too much and finally she let him back in and that was it. They started to make plans to get married and start their life together. Through it all though looking back now he realized that his own happiness overshadowed her sadness. She went through the motions like she was now but nothing touched her heart.

It wasn't until after Sadie was born that the dark cloud over her was lifted. It was like magic. Her smile came back and it was bright enough to light up the world. She was the girl he fell in love with and he never questioned what had caused her sadness. Maybe he should have. The thing was he was afraid to, afraid of losing her.

They were happy for a long time. Bella was the perfect mother and wife and he felt blessed every day for the life that he had almost thrown away because of his own insincerity.

Then Emmett died and she went into a depression again and he couldn't reach her. There was no pulling her out of her own pain until he convinced her to go see someone. She had just started to get back to herself when Jasper returned. Since that moment nothing had been the same. Then she had lost the baby and since then she had slowly fallen back into the darkness and this time it was the worst that he had seen her. This time he couldn't reach her at all and she refused to see she needed help.

He was trying to deal with his own grief as well. He had thought that they would be dealing with it together. Losing a child, losing all hope of having a child was almost too much to bear. The only thing he could imagine losing that would hurt more was his wife.

"How about we go out to dinner tonight?" he asked her hoping to get her out of the house and talk to her.

"I don't really feel like going out," she told him and wished that he would just back off and give her some space. She needed time to deal with her own thoughts and demons before she could go back to living her life as she had before. Once she could convince Jasper to walk away again she would be able to lock all the feelings for him away again.

"Oh come on we have not had a night out in forever. I think that it would do both of us good," he pleaded with her.

"Maybe another time," she said before wondering off into the office closing the door and shutting him out.

She was pretending to be working so he would leave her alone but the truth was her mind was off somewhere else with someone else. She couldn't get him out of her thoughts. Just then as if he sensed her need to see him her phone jingled and there was a text message from Jasper.

"Want to see u. Can u get away?"

Her heart was racing as she looked over her shoulder to make sure that Edward was not near before she replied, "Yes. Where? When?"

She waited with anticipation as the reply came, "Now. Toxic."

She grabbed her keys and her purse and headed for the door without thinking pass the thought of seeing him even though she knew it was wrong. Honestly she didn't care.

"Where are you going?" Edward asked just as she opened the garage door.

"Oh, something came up for one of our events and I have to go put out a fire. I shouldn't be too long. I'll see you when I get back," she quickly told him and was gone before he had a chance to ask any more questions. She felt guilty about lying to him but there was no way around it. She had to see Jasper.

She pulled up and into the back of the club. It was a Friday night but the place was empty and she wondered why. Something must being going on.

She took the back stairs up and knocked on the door holding her breath until he opened the door letting her in.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"What is going on with the club? How come the place is empty on a Friday night?' she began with searching for what she wanted to, what she needed to say to him.

"Some electrical problems that needed to be taken care of. Nothing major. It will be open again by next weekend," he explained to her as the blood started pumping through his vein at a faster rate. Ever since she came to him that day, confessed that she was still in love with him, and if she could change things she would be with him his world had been turned up side down.

"I have something for you," she smiled as she dug into her purse, "They are pictures from Sadie's graduation and some new pictures," she said handing them over to him. Their hands brushing for the briefest moments. It was enough to send her heart thumping. She swallowed and tried to re-center herself.

"Thanks," he told her, smiling at his daughter.

"We video taped it but I haven't gotten around to editing the tape yet but when I do I'll make you a copy."

"That would be great."

"Was that what this call was about, Sadie?" she asked as everything in her screamed to let go. Just let go of everything but what she wanted. Touch him, kiss him her brain screamed.

"No, not so much. I wanted to see you," he told her and wondered what she would do if he just reached out and grabbed her.

"You… wanted… to see… me?" she questioned and like it had a long time ago her heart started to do flip-flops and she blushed.

"That old familiar shade of red," he smiled and that only made it darken. He moved a few steps closer to her but paused before he touched her. "I tried but I can't get what you said to me out of my brain."

"Neither can I. I don't know what I was thinking. I mean does it really matter anymore? We can't go back. We can't change what did or didn't happen."

No we can't but we sure and the hell can control what happens now. I know how wrong it is but I honestly don't care," he told her. He reached out and grabbed her arm pulling her to him. He thought that she would pull away or fight him but as her body hit his and her eyes met his he knew she wanted this as much as he did.

She was breathing hard next to him, the swell of her breast heaving up and over the rim of her shirt. Her mouth was partly open and she licked hers lips with her tongue and he started to really come undone.

The anticipation of what could happen was unbearable. She stood there in his embrace of his arm around her waist and his eyes staring in hers. It was like he was asking her for permission with his eyes whether to go farther.

He reached out with his free hand, traced the side of her neck all the way down to the top of the swell of her breast, and watched as her eyelids closed and she let go of any last doubts. She was his and always had been. He bent down, replaced his finger with his mouth on the side of her neck, and felt her shudder.

When she finally looked at him he saw the look of desire in her hazed over eyes. She looked away and then looked back, smiled and then reached up to kiss him.

"Make love to me," she breathed into his mouth.

"Are you sure?" he asked, wanting no regrets. There was no going back from this. There was no room for mistakes.

Until that moment nothing had happened. She had done nothing that she couldn't take back. She had not crossed the line and given into the need to be in his arms again. She could turn around and walk away.

She slipped into the house a few hours later. She was sure that Edward would be asleep by now but before her purse could hit the chair he was there behind her.

"I was starting to get worried about you. I tried to call you like ten times but it kept going straight to voice mail," he told her and wished the sinking feeling he had in his gut that something was going on would go away.

"Dead battery and the charger in the car is missing. I'm sorry I was gone longer than I planned," she said avoiding his eyes, "Is Sadie sleeping,"

"Yes," he told her and knew without a doubt that something was going on with her. She looked different.

"Good. I think I am going to go take a shower and get ready for bed," she told him and slipped into the bathroom before he could ask anything else.

The next morning when he woke up Bella was already up and found her making breakfast in the kitchen. That wasn't what caught him off guard it was that she was smiling as she was doing it. Her face was lit up with warmth.

"Good morning," she said as she spotted him, "I was just about to come and wake you up. Are you hungry?"

"You are sure in a good mood this morning," he said as he sat down at the table and she placed his breakfast and coffee in front of him. He had known last night that something was different; she looked different when she came home. This just went to prove he was right. The questions was what had happened to cause the change and so quickly. It was like someone had hit a switch and she was her old happy self.

"I guess I am. I'm sorry if I have been down a little lately. There has just been so much going on."

"That's okay, I understand," he told her wondering if his wife was back to stay. More so he wondered what had brought her back. Then he thought did he care?

"I think getting back to work is what I need. I know how much I am needed here but just having something else to force on is really good fro me," she told him but was not able to look at him.

"I think that would be a good idea. I can help out more at home so that you can get back to work some."

"Perfect. I have something that I want to get started on now so if you don't mind I'm going to go out," she told him throwing her apron down.

"I thought that we might do something today. We haven't done anything as a family since... well in a long time. Can you put off working for a day?" he asked and saw that she really didn't want to but said yes. It set up more red flags in his brain but like the other ones he shut the doors on them.

She was Sadie ready when she got a text message. 'Miss U. Want 2 c u.' It was from Jasper. Instantly she smiled. She quickly replied, 'Tried, plans with family. Soon.'

"Ready?" Edward asked coming in. She dropped her phone and the smile faded. So did his.

"All ready."

It was hard to have fun and enjoy being out with her family when she wanted to be somewhere else but she was trying. She was really trying.

"I want a new doll," Sadie announced as they walked through the mall.

"We are not going to the toy store," Bella announced.

"But why?"

"Cuz I said so."

He was walking out of the jewelry store when he saw them. Walking through the mall was Bella and her family. She had Sadie by the hand and her husband had the other one. They looked like the perfect family. They looked happy. Sadie looked happy. When he leaned over and kissed her it was too much for him to take. He felt sick to his stomach.

Later that night after another text message from Jasper she came up with some excuse to go out and went to see him and that became how it was for almost a month. Lying to her husband and making up things to get out of the house to go and see Jasper. Secrets messages, hiding that they were seeing each other, kind of like they had done when they first started seeing each other. It was exciting and she felt alive. It was like she was eighteen again when she didn't know how cruel and unfair the world was. When she believed in good and that anything was possible.

"We can't go on like this," Jasper told her stroking her hair as she lay in his arms after making love for the second time that night. The moments they were together were short and they made the most of it.

"I know," she told him. As amazing and wonderful as it was to be with him again it also felt wrong. Besides she had the feeling that Edward was starting to suspect something was going on. Lying had never been her forte.

"So what are we going to do?" he asked and knew that it was not a simple question.

"I wish I knew. I never thought that I would be one of those women who cheat on their husband. Especially considering that I have the perfect husband. Every time he looks at me I want to die from the guilt and shame," she let out.

"Have you been sleeping with him?" he questioned. It wasn't his right to ask but it had been eating at him.

"Don't ask me that," she said which meant that she had. It made him sick. His stomach turned at the thought. He considered murder or at least serious bodily harm. That made him surer that this situation had to change.

"I don't mean to upset you but you are going to have to decide. I can't go on like this. I can't take the thought of you in his arms one minute and mine the next."

"It is not like that," she tried to tell him but it was. As wrong as it was that was exactly how it was. Just then her phone rang, "It's Edward," she told him as she picked up, "Hello."

"Where are you at?" he asked and she could just tell from his voice he was not happy.

"I'm just finishing up at the location," she lied as Jasper kissed her shoulder. She was such a horrible person as she thought she wished they had enough time to make love again.

"You were supposed to be home an hour ago," he accused and knew that he could not go on like this anymore. He loved his wife but there came a point where a man could only take so much.

"Sorry, I just got involved in what I was doing and lost track of time. I'll be home in like twenty minutes," she told him grabbing her clothes.

"We need to talk when you get home," he said and then he was gone. The chill seemed to come right through the phone. She shivered.

He could see the worry on her face as she dressed. He laid there watching her hating that she ever had to leave him let alone go home to another man. He wanted to grab her and keep her there with him always.

"He knows something is going on. I don't know if he knows about us but he knows something isn't right. He told me we need to talk when I get home," she said as she started to see her world spin out of control.

"Tell him you're leaving him. Walk in the door and tell him that you are in love with me and you are leaving him to be with me," he explained to her as he pulled her back on the bed, "If you want I'll go with you and tell him."

"That is not funny," she said.

"I wasn't joking. I am serious."

"I can't make that decision. Not yet, not now. This affects my daughter and Edward. I can't just rip apart their lives without thought."

"Well you are going to have to make some choice. You can't have this perfect happy little family on one hand and me on the other," he told her remembering the sight of her and her family at the mall.

She slipped into the house not ready to face Edward. Lately she could hardly look at him without feeling sick inside. She couldn't believe she was cheating on him. She couldn't believe that she had cared so little about her family. Her own desires had gotten the best of her.

He was in the office so she hurried into the shower and then started laundry. He was waiting for her when she walked out into the kitchen.

"We need to talk," was what he said to her. Not hi or hello but we need to talk.

"Alright," she said grabbing water out of the refrigerator and taking a seat. She thought if she acted like nothing was going on then nothing would be.

"All I want is a yes or no answer," he told her and before he could ask it she knew what the question was going to be, "Are you seeing him?"

She stared at him and thought how can I tell him the truth after he loved her without thought or reason. Yet how could she look him in the eyes and tell him a lie? She couldn't because he would know the truth anyways. He told her once that he saw parts of her she didn't even see and it was true.

"I'm sorry," was her answer as her tears fell down her face.

"Yes or no?" he asked again but he knew the answer. He had known the answer before he asked the question.

"Yes," one simple word that changed everything.

"How could you? I've been trying since the day I met you to undo what he did to you. To be everything to you that he never was but for what? All you have ever wanted was him. I have just been the consolation prize because you couldn't have him. Well guess what, you don't have me anymore either," he told her, grabbed his keys, and walked out.


	19. Chapter 19

I own nothing.

A/N: I just wanted to thank everyone who has read and reviewed my little story. I have had so many amazing reviews but I got one that was off the charts today from arohalee. What you said made not only my day but maybe my year. I am so glad that you are enjoying the story and I hope you continue to enjoy what is to come.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

What if

She spent the night weeping. Crying over her life and all the things she had done wrong or hadn't done. Tears for what she had lost and things she never really had. Too many mistakes to haunt her as she thought about the decisions she had made. The things she had done wrong for all the rights reasons. Regrets were all she felt like she had to hold on to.

She tried to call Edward but he didn't answer her call. She waited for him to come home but he didn't. When morning poured through the windows she realized that he might not be coming home. Even after what she had confessed to him she had thought that he would be back but even he had his limits.

He was right in what he had said to her. Since the beginning she had been treating him like since Jasper isn't here and you are I guess we will get married and start a life together. What was that old saying, 'If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.'

She had treated him so unfair holding on to this fantasy about Jasper and what should have been instead of loving him every day for the man that he was. On top of it all she had given into her own desires to have what she lost a long time ago.

She just didn't know what to do. There was one part of her that wanted to run to Jasper's waiting arms, fall to the ground, and make love. He had a magical hold over her since she was eighteen and it never went away. Always with him it was this feeling of standing on a cliff, blindfolded, ready to jump into the unknown. He was exciting and passionate. He made her feel things and do things that she never had before. Nothing about him was safe or easy.

Then there was Edward. Everything about him was safe and easy. He made her feel protected and like nothing bad could happen as long as he was with her. That even if she did stand on the cliff and jumped he would be there to catch her. He had never faltered in his love or commitment to her and their family.

It was like choosing between the sun and air. You might be able to live without the sun but can you live without breathing?

* * *

He had the overwhelming desire to drink a whole bottle of jack but he had learned the hard way that would solve nothing. It might have taken away his throbbing headache though. That would be a start to things looking better.

Bella's husband had come to see him last night not that it was much of a visit. Jasper opened the door and he landed a one two punch to his face. He yelled 'Stay away from my wife' and then was gone before he could react.

He didn't think that Bella had went home and confessed to him about what was happening between them which meant that like she thought he had figured it out on his own. He didn't blame him for coming there. Hell if the shoe was on the other foot a few punches to the face would be just the beginning.

He had to admit he did feel guilty for what he had let happen between him and Bella. There was going to be a huge fall out from their actions that was going to affect more then the two of them including his own daughter. That was something that he didn't want to happen. And as much as he hated this guy for having the life, he thought should be his as Bella had told him again and again, he was the best person she ever met.

Angela showed up on Bella's door after a desperate call from her this morning begging her to come over. When she asked why she lost it and started crying. She asked no more questions and headed over there to find out what had happened.

"What is going on?" she asked staring at her best friend that was falling apart before her eyes.

"I did the most horrible thing ever. I am the worst person ever. I'm evil. I can't believe I let it happen. I don't know what I was thinking," she rambled on as the guilt and loathing seeped into her soul. How had she become this person?

"I have a hard time believing that anything you have even done could be that bad. What are we talking about here, a parking ticket?" she joked with her and when she gave her that look she knew that maybe this was something serious.

"I am a horrible, selfish person and I have ruined my life," she announced.

"Enough with all that. Can you please fill me in on what is going on?" she said, never seeing Bella like this before.

"Edward," she said and then the tears started to flow again before she could say more.

"What about Edward?" she asked, thinking that she could never remember the two of them getting into a single fight. It was kind of sickening how perfect that guy was.

"He left me."

"What?" she yelled.

"He left me. He walked out last night."

"Bella what is going on? I can't imagine him ever doing something like that. What happened?" she questioned knowing that nothing was making sense right now but that definitely something major had went down.

"I can't tell you. I'm too ashamed," she answered getting up and walking into the kitchen. She opened the cabinet and pulled down a bottle of liquor.

"Hold on there, that is not going to help anything," Angela informed her grabbing the bottle away from her.

"Angela, what have I done?" she said again dropping down onto the chair.

"That is what I would like to know and then maybe I can help you figure things out," she told her as her mind searched for something that Bella could have done that was so awful that Edward would walk out on his family.

"I have been seeing Jasper," she let out her dirty little secret.

Angela just stared at her for what seemed like years and then the expression in her face changed.

"Please tell me we are not talking about your Jasper?" she demanded. There was no way that it could be him she thought. He had left like five years ago and he had not shown his face since. It was the best thing that ever happened to Bella.

"Yes."

"I feel like I'm missing a hundred pieces to this puzzle. Since when is he back and how the hell did he end back up in your life?" she demanded. That jerk had almost ruined her life once and now it seemed like he was back to finish the job.

"He showed up here a few months back. He had heard about Emmett and came to see me. It was like having the ground ripped out from under me seeing him again. Every old emotion came charging back to life and I was full of all these feelings that had never truly gone away," she told her and knew that excused nothing.

"I know how you felt about him and that he is always going to be your first love but you can't tell me that you were still carrying a torque for him? I thought that you were crazy in love with your husband?" she said to her. She always believe that Bella was so happy with her life and that she had the perfect family, the perfect husband.

"I do love Edward. That is not in question. The thing is though I love Jasper too. In different ways and for different reasons but I love them both. It is not just that though, there is something else that you don't know but this is something that has to be kept quiet. Only Edward and I knew until very recently. Sadie is Jasper's daughter," she finally told her.

"You got to be kidding me? You are kidding me right?" she announced as she paced around the room as things started to make sense and at the same time none at all.

"I found out after he left and I tried to get in touch with him but it was like he had disappeared off the face of the earth. At the same time Edward came to me and confessed his love for me and that he wanted to be with me. I pushed him away because I was still in love with Jasper and holding on to this fantasy that he was coming back and we would be a family. It didn't happen. Also what didn't happen was Edward giving up on us and when he found out about the baby he didn't run. He told me he loved me and wanted us to be a family, that he would be a father to my child. I let go of the fantasy of having that with Jasper and stepped into the reality of it with Edward," she said knowing it sounded so horrible. She didn't mean for it to but at the time that was how she had felt.

"So you just used Edward as a fill in?" Angela questioned, starting to realize why he had left her. That was nasty to say about her best friend but at this point Bella had said nothing to help out her case. Everything she had said and done pointed in one direction and that was that she did not love her husband.

"No, I mean I did have feelings for him. Maybe I wasn't in love with him when we got married but I love him now and have for a long time. As soon as I put aside my feelings for Jasper I was able to fall for Edward. The thing was that was all I did was put them aside pretending like there were not there anymore. When Jasper came back suddenly I couldn't do that anymore."

"I really can't believe any of this," she said having a very long time ago understood that he was no good for Bella. How could such a smart girl not see that? Now her life had crumbled around her and something told her that she still did not realize that Jasper was the one who had done that.

"I didn't mean for this to happen. I know that sounds pathetic since I'm the one who let it happen. I tried to get him to leave but once he found out about Sadie there was no convincing him to forget what he learned and walk away. And all the time that I hated him for coming back and trying to ruin my life my heart was racing at having him back. I can't explain the control that he has always had over me," she said.

"I can…insanity!"

"If it was only that easy. Then I might have a case for what I did."

"So what are you going to do now?" she asked.

"I have no idea."

"Okay, what do you want to happen?" Angela asked Bella and when she looked at Bella she saw in her eyes that she honestly didn't know. That freaked her out and made her worry that this mess she had created was not going to clear up anytime soon. What was worst was the thought that Jasper might be hanging around indefinitely. He was like a bad penny.

"I wish that I could close my eyes and the right answer of what direction to go would be there."

"Well I think that the first step is figuring out what you want. Not sitting here wondering what Edward is going to do or what Jasper wants. You have to take a long hard look at your life and decide how you want it to end," she told her but she wanted to say to her that there was only one choice to make and her sleazy ex was not it. She didn't bother. She had been there done that with her before and all it ended up doing was pushing them apart.

"I feel like I'm standing on this road looking out down this path that leads in two completely different directions. One being Jasper and one being Edward. Neither path is clear. There is nothing favoring one over the other. As I look down both I see each of them standing at the end and all I have to do is choose but I can't and the longer I stand there unable to decide the further away from me they get."

"I can't tell you what to do. I would love to but this is not my decision, it's not Edward's and it's not Jasper's. Only you can figure out what is the right decision but you also have to realize that just because you make a choice doesn't mean that it is the same choice being made by others," she told her.

Later that night as she lay in bed staring at the picture of her and Edward on the nightstand she wondered when it had all went so wrong. When had she forgotten all that he meant to her and all he had been to her? When had the what ifs become so much more important than the what haves?

She thought that she had her life all together. She had been happy. She loved her husband and her daughter. Work for her was fun and rewarding. She had everything she had ever wanted.

Then Emmett died and started her thinking about life and how you never know if there will be a tomorrow. She got caught up in worry and fears. Little doubts started to overtake her as for the first time in a long time she questioned was her life all she wanted? Was she really happy or just so use to acting like it that she didn't know the difference? If tomorrow she woke up and found out that she had only days left would she have only regrets? Because the truth was it had been hiding inside of her for so long, this unhappiness. So has the desire to close her eyes and walk away from it all. But now that she had the chance was it really what she wanted?

After not hearing from Bella even after several messages he decided that he had to know what was going on and took matters into his own hands and drove over to see her. He knew he chanced finding her husband there but something told him that he was not there.

She peered into the peep hole to see Jasper standing there. That brought on a few choice words realizing that she had to open the door.

"Someone is not happy," Jasper told her with a smile when she opened the door. She was not smiling. It didn't matter. The joy he felt just from seeing her was immeasurable.

"What gave it away?" she said. Just then she heard Sadie calling her.

"I'll be right back."

He sat in the living room listening to her softly sing to their daughter. It was still a side of her that he was getting use to. When they had been together she had been this innocent girl so inexperienced in the world. Everything was new to her and he had been there to live it with her. It was all about passion, pleasure, and excitement. They had not made it to this part, growing up, having a family. It had been what he wanted though but only with her.

He heard the singing trail off and realized that he had not heard voices in awhile. He waited for her to come out but minutes later when there was no sign of her he decided to go and check on her. He walked down the hall peeking into the first room. Bella was no longer in there but he couldn't help but walk in and stare at his daughter.

He still could not believe that he had a child. That no matter what else he did in his life that he had done something that meant something. She was his greatest accomplishment without even knowing it. Unable to help himself he bent down and placed a kiss on her cheek and whispered, "My sweet angel never doubt how much I love you."

"Jasper…"

He nearly jumped as he turned around to see Bella standing in the doorway giving him that look. He walked out of the room but not before a last glance back at his daughter.

She was feeling irritated having him there and then finding him with Sadie had pushed her over the edge. Had he not gotten the point when she didn't return his calls that she was not ready to talk to him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she went around the room in a feverous state picking up toys and junk that had made it's way in there over the last few days. She really hadn't cared about it until now as it gave her somewhere else to focus her attention.

"I'm here trying to find out what is going on with you. After receiving a visit from your husband the other night I kind of figured that the cat was out of the bag about us," he told her. That seemed to get her attention.

"Edward came to see you?" she questioned stopping mid pick-up, "What did he say to you?" she demanded as she dropped the toys into the bucket.

"Honestly not much. I opened the door and was greeted by his fist. That was enough to make his point. For good measure he told me to stay away from you," he explained to her, "As you already know I'm not too good at listening to the things I should or better do. He does have a mean left though," he announced with a laugh thinking it might lighten the mood, it didn't.

She glanced over at him and noticed the slight black eye and yellowish bruise in his cheek. She had never in all the time she had known Edward seen him get anywhere close to getting so mad that he would resort to physical violence.

"Did you hit him?"

"No I did not hit him. I am completely innocent," he said flashing her his best sweet little boy face. As cute as it was she knew him too well to fall for it and she turned away before she fell for more than that.

"You are hardly innocent," she mumbled and added, "Neither am I."

"I take it that he knows about us," he said and wished that she would stop running around avoiding really looking at him and talking to him about what was going to happen now.

"I told you that he knew something was going. He confronted me when I got home that night with a yes or no question to whether I had been seeing you. I told him the truth and he walked out. I have not seen nor spoken to him since," she told him wishing that she had been able to look at him and lie. Lies were hard for her. She knew how they could destroy dreams built on them. Yet she had realized some times they are a necessity to protect people you care about. Then there was other that were impossible to speak. Those were the ones that protected no one but yourself.

"I'm sorry but honestly not that sorry. It had to be done for us to be together and this way it was like ripping the bandage off quickly rather than slowly and painfully," he told her walking over to her to take her by the arm. It was the first time that she had really looked at him. He didn't like what he saw in her eyes.

She pulled away from him and just gave him this harsh look that screamed don't assume anything. It totally knocked the wind out of his sails and for the first time since she had told him she was still in love with him he started to have doubts.

He gave her a second look and then tried to shake off the feeling of rejection and dismissal. It was almost as if this had been nothing more to her than a casual affair that had gone too far and now that she had gotten what she wanted she was done with him.

"My life is falling apart around me at record speed and you have the nerve to tell me that it is a good thing. My daughter is asking me where her father is and I have to look at her and lie. Do you know how that makes me feel knowing that I'm the reason he isn't here? So please don't tell me that this is anything other than what it is, a nightmare,' she told him needing him to feel the pain and guilt that she had experienced due to both of their actions. Yet he had never had anything to loss. She was the one who had risked and lost it all.

"So what are you trying to tell me?" he demanded dying for a drink but he would settle for a smoke, "Because I'm getting the feeling that you are about tell me it was just a moment of weakness. That what happened was a mistake. I think if that is how you are putting a spin on this you are the only one weak, making a mistake. If when all is said and done you look back at this and what happened between us ends up being nothing more than a lapse in judgment that is going to be the real tragic," he told her not trying to hurt her but to give her a wake up call. Her need to flee kicked in like it had every other time in her life that something got too hard.

"I am a married woman with a family that had an affair no matter how you spin it that was wrong," she told him wishing that the thought of clarity had found her sooner.

"I will give you that much. You should have never married him to begin with then you could have never cheated on him," he informed her and then as a last thought, "Incase you forgot, you were the woman panting in my arms that asked me to make love to them. When I asked are you sure I looked into your eyes and when you answered yes I saw not an ounce of doubt. Now you are acting like that wasn't you. You are lying to yourself not me. In the end you are the only one who can decided what lie you plan on living. The one where you didn't want me and it was all some big mistake or the one where you are in love with your husband and not me."

"Jasper please try to understand that as simply as it is for you, it is beyond complicated for me. I do love you beyond reason but I do also love Edward. He has always been there for me….

"I don't want to hear all the things he did right compared to all the things I've done wrong. I'm not debating that. I understand that. I understand that he might be the better man but you and I know that he will never be the right man. He will never be the man you want or need because you don't love him, not like you love me. You can lie to him and you can lie to yourself but you can't lie to me. Your eyes betray you. All I have to do is look into them and I know who and what you want. You know I'm telling the truth and that is why you can't look at me. You are afraid of what I'll see. Now the only thing left to figure out is are you afraid of what I'll do or are you afraid of what I won't do?" Jasper accused.

"We had our chance. Twenty different ways that didn't work, almost be we never could get it right. That is the truth and you can't change that. Not every dream is meant to come true. Some prayers are better left unanswered.

This has nothing to do with dreams or prayers."

"This is about reality and the reality of this is you and I are meant to be together. But if you want to head down the road of what meant to be…well the moment I look at you I knew we were meant to be a part of my life. And it was a forever plan. I just screwed it up, not him. His plan remains in tack and you are now the one screwing it up."

"How do you know us was God's plan? What if his plan was always for me to need up with Edward? Have you thought of that?" Bella challenged.

"No I haven't because you can speak a million words of denial and it takes only one touch from me to prove all those words wrong," Jasper challenged right back.

"It doesn't matter. None of it matters. The damage have already been done. There is no going back. I knew the moment that I saw you again that I needed you. I didn't think about the cost we would all have to pay but had I… things would still have happened the same way," Bella confessed. "It is insane how a few innocent kisses led to us this."

"Those were not a few innocent kisses," he smiled softly taking the few steps between them. "Who knows what tomorrow brings? I know what tomorrow brings for me if you are not here with me. It brings pain, loneliness. I do not want tomorrow if you are not a part of it," he told her laying it all out on the line. It was do or die time.

"Jasper…"

"I'm not asking for you to give me your answer right now but whether you choose me or not, I'm yours. I will always be yours."


	20. Chapter 20

I own nothing.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Box of Memories

She had been told that she had to make a decision about her life based not on what anyone else wanted but what was right for her. That was easier said then done especially after Jasper had walked out on her just like Edward had. He had said that no matter what he was hers but she was not so sure that he meant it.

Now it felt like the choices had been made by them about what they wanted and she was left alone to pick up the pieces of what remained of her life. She guessed that was what happened when you burn your candle at both ends.

Had she really thought that this could end anyway other way other then bad? Honestly thinking hadn't been a big part of what had gone on in the last few months. Everything in her life had been in disarray since she let down her defenses and let the little voices in her head take charge.

She had gone into all this not looking at the big picture like she only planned on watching the previews of a movie never wondering what the ending was going to be. And the movie itself had started out as a love story that had turned into a drama that was unfolding into a horror flick. Now she didn't even want to know how it was all going turn out. Some how she saw herself all alone.

Edward stood watching her run around laughing with Sadie in the back yard. She appeared like she had not a care in world and he wondered if it was just an act or if that was how she was feeling now that he was gone. Now that she had him.

"Daddy, daddy you are home," Sadie yelled running over to him to jump into his waiting arms. She lit up like it was Christmas morning.

Bella's heart stopped the second the squeal escaped her daughter's mouth. She waited for it to start back up but as she slowly turned she realized that it was not going to. It seemed permanently locked up in her throat.

He kept his distance as he took a few steps into the backyard as Sadie clung to him informing him what a bad daddy he was for leaving her to stay at work.

"Can you come and play with us?" Sadie asked trying to pull him over to the sandbox.

"You go play for right now so I can talk to mommy and as soon as I'm done I'll be over to help you build a huge castle," he assured her which was good enough for her and she skipped over to the sandbox.

He stood there with a blank look on his face not giving away anything that he was feeling. She wished that it was that easy for her as she was sure her expression was giving away exactly how she was feeling.

"I'm going to go play with Sadie for awhile and then we need to talk about some things," he said very calmly in an even voice that like the look on his face gave nothing away. She just nodded and headed inside.

She glanced out the window into the backyard and watched Edward playing with their daughter. Sadie was smiling and excited to have him there and she could see how much she had missed him. She was keeping close to his side the whole time like she knew that he was not there to stay. Her daughter was way too smart for her own good.

After over an hour of playing he took her inside and put her down for a nap. Twenty minutes later he finally came out to see her. He was still wearing that expressionless, cold look over his face.

"Do you want some coffee or something?" she asked treating him like an unexpected guest that she didn't know that well. That was probably at the moment he felt like that to her. It was like she didn't know him anymore. She could only imagine that he felt the same. How had it gotten like this between them?

"I'm good," he said not knowing how to start this conversation with his own wife. He was trying to remain calm but his insides were shattered to bits from the knife stuck in his back. All he wished was she would pull it out and stop the bleeding but she had made no indication that she planned on doing that. So it remained lodged there and the pain continued.

"You have a bunch of mail," she said flipping through the letters sitting on the counter trying to focus on anything other than him.

"Until I find some place permanent I'm going to leave it coming here if that is okay with you? I'll pick it up when I come by to see Sadie," he informed her and it started to sink in that he didn't want to talk about working things out and coming home. This was a work out arrangements about Sadie and stuff visit. What had she expected?

"Yeah, sure," she told him as she tried to keep tears locked up. Don't let him know what this was doing to her especially since it was her to blame.

"So I have been giving this a lot of thought and I figure that you will be getting back to work full time soon and I can use that time to come over and be with Sadie. That means not having strangers around when you have to work and gives me time with her. We can work on some weekends and all that later. Keeping things as normal as possible I think will go along way," he told her and she had never seen him so distant and removed from their life. That was because he had removed himself. He had walked out, left physically and mentally. More like she had pushed him out.

She would have done the same thing if the shoe was on the other foot but it never would be. Edward would have never done to her what she did to him.

"If that is what you think is best," she told him not having a rebuttal to his plans.

"I know it isn't going to be easy but we should tell her what is going on sooner rather than later. I don't want to get into a habit of lying to her and besides I don't think Sadie is buying the whole story. She asked me about fifty different questions about where I have been and what I have been doing."

"She is a smart girl that has very good instincts about people and what is happening around her. She'll take it hard," she said not believing that they were sitting there so calmly talking about telling their daughter they were getting a divorce. Maybe that was because she couldn't herself believe they were going to get a divorce.

"I know but she'll bounce back," he said and took a breath and began the last thing she thought he would say. "I also think we use this opportunity to tell her the truth about her father."

"What?" she asked thinking that he had lost his mind? How could he be thinking this? All she could think was that he just wasn't leaving her but he was leaving Sadie as well.

"She is going to find out whether I like it or not with having him back in your life. I would rather be the one to tell her than him," he informed her and for the first time since he got there she saw something behind his eyes other than coldness.

"First of all Jasper is not apart of my life," she told him which got a roll of the eyes out of him.

"I guess sleeping with someone to you doesn't mean they are in your life." It was a cheap shot but one she deserved. She deserved worse then that. "You can lie to yourself all you want but please stop lying to me. He has always been such a big part of you that there was never room to let me in. You opened the door and let me look around inside but when I did all I saw was another door, locked. It was the door to your heart and he held the key," Edward told her and for the first time since they were married he was honest with her and himself. He was as much to blame for letting this go on. He had always known how she felt about Jasper but he choose to look the other way and hope for the best. Clearly that hadn't worked too well.

"You are right. I wish I could say different but I never did let you all the way in. There has always been something holding me back from giving you all of me."

"We both know what or should I say who that was. I have been fooling myself from the beginning thinking that you would ever get over him or that in time you would come to love me enough to put him aside. I've been trying since the day I met you to undo what he did to you. To be everything to you that he never was but for what? All you have ever wanted was him. I've always come in second place."

"I'm sorry. It wasn't that I didn't want to but I just don't know how. In a way I wasn't ready and the more that I let you in the more I had to let him go," she told him and she really started to think about what was going on in her brain and heart.

"If you could not let him go I wish that you would have let me go," he informed her with such bitterness that she hadn't seen before but has clearly been there all along. She didn't blame him. She was to blame for this. He was so right. She should have never let him in when she knew Jasper was still taking up so much room in her heart. It left little to no room for anyone else.

"I'm sorry that all I have given you were regrets?" she told him not knowing what else to say to him. Even if she had her thoughts together enough to come up with an intelligent response right now it wouldn't matter to him. He had his mind made up and she was out of hers.

"All I ever wanted was to make you happy. To finally give you your happily ever after. I'm sorry I couldn't. I only see sadness behind your eyes. Even when you smile it never reaches your eyes. I want to see the light shining from the inside out. Like I said all I ever wanted was to give you a fairy tale happy ending and I finally am, just not with me. I want you to know that I'll always love you and want only the best for you," he simply said and walked out on her like he had days before. This time though she didn't cry. No tears were left.

That night her mind was racing. Thinking about what Edward had said to her, what Jasper had said to her and what her heart was saying to her. All three had a different voice. It was time to start listening to the only one that mattered though.

The next morning she made two calls, one to Edward and one to Angela. Angela was the first to show up.

"So what is going on?" she asked, thankful that she seemed much calmer than she had been the last time she saw her. It could only mean good things she hoped.

"I have decided that I need some time away for awhile. There has been nothing but drama and pain for me since my brother died and I just have to have time to deal with everything. So I'm leaving Edward to deal with Sadie and you to deal with work," she told her feeling good about her decision thinking this the best thing she could do for herself and everyone else in her life.

"Where are you going and for how long? What if I need you?" Angela questioned not liking the thought of Bella not being around. Sure she had been basically running things for awhile now but Bella had always been right there to help out. She needed her.

"Where I am going I don't know. As for when I'm coming back, well when I am ready. Work is no worry for you. You have been doing a great job running it while I have been giving into all my self pity. I know I might have been too busy wreaking my life to say this to you but thank you for stepping up and doing an amazing job. I owe you and as soon as I get my shit together it's vacation time for you. Anyways I'll have my phone with me and I'll be checking my email from time to time so if you did need me you can get a hold of me," she told her feeling like she was finally taking hold of her life and the direction that it was heading in.

"When are you going?" she asked hoping for her friends sake that this time away was what she needed to be able to come back stronger than ever.

"As soon as Edward gets here," she said trying to think if there was anything she had forgotten.

"Does he even know?"

"Nope. I'll tell him when he gets here," she announced and as if on queue the doorbell rang.

"That must be him," she said as she went to open the door.

Angela thought two things; first she needed to get out of there. She didn't feel like being in the middle of what was about to go down. It brought back memories of being a teenager with Bella when her father was coming home. Not fun happy memories. Second she thought that if it had already gotten to the point where Edward was acting like a visitor in his own house it probably wasn't a good thing.

"Hi Angela," Edward said as he came walking in.

"Hi," she said not knowing the correct small talk for when someone you know is going through what could very possible be a divorce?

"So we good on everything that we talked about?" Bella asked Angela. It wasn't that she wanted to rush her off but she needed to get this over with Edward as soon as she could.

"Perfectly. So I'll talk to you later and good luck," she told her, "Bye Edward," she said receiving a nod in return.

Bella walked Angela to the door and was given some last advice before she left.

"Edward looks like shit. He might be saying that this is what he wants but when I look at him I see a man in horrible shape with nothing left to cling to. Maybe the best thing for your marriage is to stay here and fight for it instead of going away on some I need to find myself trip."

"Thanks for that but I have to do this. Things will work out the way they should in the end," she told her and hoped that she was right.

Edward stood in the middle of his living room and looked around at the house they had made a home. Pictures of the life they had shared stared back at him and he had to wonder if it had all been a lie? Had he wanted it so bad that he had let himself believe all this was real?

"Thanks for coming over so quickly. I have been thinking and I have decided that I need to get away for awhile. I am going to go on a trip. I don't know where or for how long but with everything that has been going on and what faces me I just need the time to get my head on straight. That being said I need you to watch Sadie while I'm gone. I already talked to her and she knows that I'm taking a trip. She is fine with it. Besides it gives you some time with her. I'll have my cell phone and laptop with me so if you need something or Sadie wants to talk to me I will be available," Bella told him and wished she knew what he was thinking or feeling. It was like when he walked out he left his expressions and feelings behind.

"Okay," he told her.

"Just okay?"

"Well it is not like you gave me a choice or some kind of opinion. Like always we are doing things your way," he explained to her and yet again he let out another cold statement about how unhappy he had been in their marriage.

"I didn't really think it would be a problem for you but if it is well I will figure something else out," she told him and that split second she considered staying was gone.

"No problem."

"Fine, I'm going to say good-bye to Sadie and then get out of here."

He wanted to hit something. He wanted to grab her, shake her, and demand to know the truth about the trip and whether or not he would be coming with her? It ate at his insides to think that she was going away to be with him.

"Alright," she said coming out to grab her purse, "I'll call later and check in," she told him.

"Fine," he told her. What he wanted to say was stay. He had too much pride to do that. Especially since it was all he had left.

She stood staring at him for a second more as she sensed there was something else he wanted to say to her but when he didn't she closed her eyes and walked out.

It had been almost two weeks that she had been gone and her only thought was getting home to her daughter. She had missed her in a way that she could not describe. As much as she had needed the time away to get her head straight she should have never left.

"Mommy," Sadie yelled as she spotted her walking through the door.

"I missed you so much," she said hugging her daughter not letting go.

"I can't breathe mommy."

"Oh sorry," she smiled and let her go.

"I'll go get daddy," she informed her disappearing into the one of the bedrooms. Minutes later Edward appeared and one look at him and all her well thought out thoughts rushed out of her brain.

"Hi," he said, "Vacation agreed with you. You look amazing," he told her and she did. She looked better than she had in a very long time.

"Thanks but it was hardly a vacation. I did do a lot of thinking and looking at my life. I needed that but being away from here was almost painful. I missed everyone so much," she told him.

"She missed you too," Edward informed her and left out that so had he. When she first left he had thought that she had left to go away with him but once he found out that she hadn't he started to admit that he was having a hard time hating her. He was glad she was back. He just wondered what she had decided and if it mattered anymore to him?

Without really talking to her Edward told her he had to go to work waiting and left. She had wanted him to stay so she could let him know what she had decided on her trip but it seemed he was not ready or maybe not caring to hear it.

"You look great," Angela said to her the next day as she sat at lunch with her dying to know what was going on in her head.

"Thanks. How is everything going at work?"

"Good, busy. You are going to be amazed at how many clients we have right now. The bridal division is booked for the next six months and we get calls every day hoping we can fit them in somehow. We could really use you back. No pressure but do you plan on coming back anytime soon?"

"Once I get everything in my personal life in order I plan on coming back full time," she informed her. She missed her work. She missed a lot about the life she use to have.

"Perfect. So about that personal life, did you figure everything out on your trip?" Angela asked and wondered what kind of answer she was going to give her.

"I figured out what I wanted but there are other people involved in all this so a lot rests on what they want too. I have not had a chance to talk to either of them but hopefully soon."

"You are not going to tell me who you picked are you?"

"No."

He knew that she was back in town. She had called him and let him know that she was home and that she wanted to talk to him. He could not tell if that was a good or bad thing.

The weeks that she had been away had been murder on him considering they had left things unsaid or maybe too much had been said. He had come at her pretty hard the last time he saw her. When she had started acting like what happened between them was a mistake he had thrown her own words back at her reminding her she had been well aware of what was happening and she had been the one to ask for it.

He understood her regrets though. Unlike him she had a family and another life she had to be concerned with. It was easy for him to jump head first in without thought. His needs and feelings were all that mattered. He had nothing to lose and everything to gain where as the opposite was true for her.

So he knew when she said certain things to him it was just out of fear. He had heard her speak her true feelings as she lay in his arms. She had risked it all to be with him, what more needed to be said?

She checked on Sadie one more time making sure she was still sleeping before heading into her own room. She opened her closet and grabbed the white box that until a few months ago had been stuffed up in the attic.

She put it on the bed and crawled on. A deep breath and then she lifted the lid on the box that contained everything that Jasper had ever given her or anything that pertained to him.

The first thing she pulled out was the small box that held her engagement ring from him. She had tried to return it to him but all he ever said was that it belonged to her whether she wore it or not. She remembered the day that he had asked her to marry him. It was one of the happiest days of her life. She had believed that the fairy tale was coming true. Too soon though she realized what she had always told, fairy tales don't exist. She closed the box and set it aside.

The next box was full of all the other jewelry he had given her. A watch, earrings, etc…Jasper was very fond of giving her nice jewelry. All the stuff was beautiful and she could close her eyes and remember each moment in time that he had given her each piece. The last piece was a locket that she had received after she had lost their first child. It had come weeks after in the mail. She was shaking as she pulled it out. Inside was a picture of her and of Jasper. Engraved on the back were the words, _Never Forgotten_. She had cried for the rest of the night before she packed it away unable to handle the pain it brought. She did the same now.

The next thing that she pulled out was a stack of photos. The first one was in front of Flutter on the day they bought the building. The next few were shots of Jasper at Toxic working at his desk. Memories attacked her mind picture after picture. Then suddenly she felt herself blushing as some pictures done privately in the bedroom looked back at her. Damn she looked good she thought seeing her body again before Sadie. She smiled as she put the pictures aside.

The next thing in the box was a stack of letters. The one that she had given Jasper was only the first one she had written him.

She picked up the first, took a deep breath and unfolded the letter.

Jasper,

My first letter was returned to me. My heart broke when I opened my email only to see it staring back at me. That should have been enough for me to give up and realize that when you said you were leaving for good that you meant it. The thing is I have not lost all hope that you will be back one day.

Our child is growing inside of me. I'm just starting to show a little. Pretty soon I'm not going to hide it under baggy clothes. Emmett already is looking at me strangely. Telling him is not going to be fun. It might be better for you not being here once I do.

God I wish that you were here though. I want for us to get married and get ready to have our child. I want to laugh at you as you try to put the crib together. I want to see your face the first time you feel the baby move. I heard the heartbeat the last time I went to the doctor. It was the most amazing sound. The sound of my heart and your heart joined together to form this child.

Where ever you are know you are all I think about. I pray this letter reaches you and you come home to me and your child. I love you.

Bella

She carefully folded the letter back up and put it back in the pile. After the second email came back she still didn't know why she kept writing to him. Her brain told her it was useless. Her heart said otherwise. She picked up the next letter.

Jasper,

Still no word from you and my second letter was returned same as the first. Reason says stop writing but I can't give up the hope that one will make it to you.

I'm to the point there is no more hiding the fact that I'm pregnant. I went and had an ultrasound. The baby is perfect. Or I guess I should say our daughter is perfect. Yes we are having a daughter. I'm so excited. I just know that she have you wrapped around her finger in no time.

I have not picked out a name yet. I have a few I like but I'm still holding out hope that by the time she is born you will have returned and we can name her together. Right now I'm thinking Sara Paige. How does that sound to you?

God I think that I might be losing my mind. I'm acting like you are a part of all this where the truth is you are gone with no idea that I'm having your child. Who knows even if you did know that it would change anything for you?

If this does make it to you, I'm still waiting here waiting for you to come back. I'm running out of hope though that it is ever going to happen. Please hurry.

Bella

The loneness and fear she felt then was right there with her now. All she had wanted was for Jasper to come back and for them to be a family. Nothing else mattered but having him back. She cared nothing about the past and mistakes made. The here and now was all that mattered. Yesterday was gone and tomorrow not promised.

Jasper,

I'm writing to let you know that it's too late. I'm getting married. He as an amazing man and he is going to take care of me and my baby.

I want you to know that I still love you. I will never stop loving you but I have more than myself to think about. She deserves a home with a mother and a father that loves her. She will have it with him. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I thought that I could wait forever for you but forever turned out to be too long.

Bella

Edward had found out she was pregnant. She told him it was Jasper's and that Jasper did not know. He had left before she found out and though she had tried several times to find him it seemed like he had dropped off the face of the earth.

He told her that he loved her and he wanted to marry her. He wanted them to be a family and that he wanted to be a father to her child. He promised to love them both forever. He had kept that promise; well at least he had tried.

She remembered the last letter she had wrote to Jasper as her daughter lay sleeping next to her.

Jasper,

Please don't come home now. Please don't come home and ruin the life I have built. I got married. Though I was not in love with him on that day I am now. I fell for him. I fell in love with this strong man that loves me faults and all. He has looked past everything and he still loves me. He loves our daughter too. Be happy for me as I hope happiness has found you to. It was just never meant to be for us.

Bella

She carefully refolded the letter and placed it back in the box. She dried her eyes from the tears that had escaped and put the lid back on the box. No more looking back, no more hoping.

In her world, the real world there has never been any fairy tales. There has only been the cold reality where happy endings just don't happen. As much as she wanted a prince charming, a hero that rescued her it never happened.

No now it was time to make her own happily ever after.


	21. Chapter 21

I own nothing.

Chapter Twenty-One

I Can't Tell You

Edward was on his way over. He was coming over to spend time with Sadie or at least he thought that was the reason. The truth was Sadie was over at Rosalie's.

She had feared that if she asked him over just to talk that he would deny her request. Not that she would blame him for a second.

What she had done to him was heartless and cruel.

"Bella?" she heard calling from the front room.

"Edward?" she called back, her breath catching.

"I rang the bell but you didn't answer," he softly spoke standing in the door way before she could even think about moving to greet him.

"I'm sorry. I guess I was off in my own world," Bella said to him feeling her response to him instantly. She didn't think he ever understood what a presence he had. When he walked into a room you couldn't help but sit up and take notice. He commanded your attention.

"I know the feeling. I have been kind of in my own head a lot lately," he told her pausing briefly and then continued. "I am sorry that I have not been to see Sadie. I know she has to be confused to why I am not here."

"I just keep telling her that you are at work. I feel like if I keep saying that it is not such a lie."

"I have been at the hospital almost none stop. We have been short handed and I keep volunteering to take the extra shift trying to keep busy. It has not helped. I still think about you every second of every day."

"Edward…"

"I'm sorry. I should have been a better husband. I never saw how unhappy you were. I guess I missed the signs. Maybe I just never paid enough attention. I guess I was too wrapped up in being the best doctor, the perfect husband, and an amazing father. In trying to be it all I just ended up being not enough to anyone or anything," he confused to her.

"You were all those things and more. I never want you to think that anything is your fault. I am the one to blame. I was the one who…who…"

"Had the affair…" Edward bluntly announced.

"Yes," Bella simply said because what else was there to say.

"You will never know how it feels to realize your greatest fear is a reality. I always knew how much in love you were with him. I knew no matter what I did I would always come in second. I tried to hide my doubts and fears from you but I always felt like I was walking on eggs shells. That one wrong step and you would be gone. Do you know how many times I was with Sadie and I would catch you looking at us and you would have this look in your eyes like you wished that it was him playing with his daughter instead of me. Because no matter whom she calls daddy in your eyes I am just a stand in."

"That is not true. I have been thankful each and every day that she has you. You might not be her father but you will always be her daddy. I know better than anyone that only a true man can be a daddy. No matter what happens between us you will always be her daddy. I mean as long as you want to," Bella explained to him not knowing how he was feeling concerning continuing on in Sadie's life now that he had walked out of hers.

"My love and affection for her and for you will never fade just because yours has for me."

"Edward…you have to know that I have not stopped loving you."

"Please stop lying to yourself."

"I am not lying to myself or you."

"If that is what you believe then not only are you lying to both of us but you are deceiving yourself as well. It is hard to still love me when I don't think you ever loved me to start with."

"I do love you Edward. Maybe in the beginning it was not a love match but I did fall in love with you. How could I not?"

"That was how I always felt about you…how could I not fall in love with you? Even after everything that you have done to me I still love you. I'm going to love you until I die. Every moment of every day until I'm put out of the misery of loving you and not having you. And then just maybe when that happens I'll be able to stop loving you. I fear though that I'll love you even then."

"Edward…"

"Don't say anything. I just had to let you know how I feel about you. We both know that I shouldn't be here. I don't belong here. You don't belong to me anymore. You made your choice and I wasn't it. I'm just having a hard time excepting that."

"Honestly Edward I have not made up my mind yet," Bella confessed to him. It was the truth too.

From one minute to the next her decision changed. Just when she was sure she knew who she wanted to spend the rest of her life she would think of some reason why it was the wrong choice. She had gone as far as writing a pros and cons list for each of them. If she was going by that only Edward's pros far out weighed Jasper's. But the problem was the list was based on her brain. Her heart was another story.

In the end she realized that she loved them both and nothing was going to change that. In a perfect world she would have been able to be with them both but it was not a perfect world.

Besides she was pretty sure that neither Edward nor Jasper was into polygamy.

"I'm sorry I just guess too me the affair implied that you had made your choice," Edward bitter threw at her assuring that no matter what he said he was not over her betrayal.

"I'm only human. I made a mistake. No matter what I should have never broken the vows we spoke. If I was unhappy I should have come to you but at the time I was not thinking clearly. My life was falling apart around me and it seemed like everything that mattered to me was disappearing before my eyes. First it was Emmett and then the thought that Jasper was going to take Sadie away and then to top it all off I lost the baby as well as the hope that I will ever have another child."

"You forget that I was there going through all the same things as you. Emmett and I had become extremely close over the years. I lost a true friend. Then just when it felt like things are turning around Jasper comes back to take away Sadie. In the middle of the possibility that I will lose Sadie the worst happens and we lose our child. Worst yet I almost lost you only to in the end lose you anyways. For better or for worse….remember? I was there waiting for you to turn to me hoping that we would find strength in each other to get through the worst. Instead you left me alone to deal with my pain alone."

"It wasn't what I intended. It was just that I couldn't deal with my own let alone anyone else's. I just wanted to escape from reality where the pain wasn't so heavy that I could breathe for a moment."

"Is that what Jasper was, an escape?" Edward asked her not sure they could ever go back to the way things had been before but wondering if he was able to try going some place else. It was a big maybe and he as not even sure it was something that she even wanted.

"In a way it was. For a second I could close my eyes and I was eighteen again and I had the whole world ahead of me. I still believed in fairy tales and happily ever after. I guess I was just hoping to catch that moment in time and hold on to it."

"Bella, we can never go back but we can move forward. I don't know if I will ever be able to forget what you did but I have already forgiven you. I am willing if you are to give us, this marriage, our family another chance. It won't be easy and things can't be like they were before. Without a doubt we will have to see a marriage counselor," he told her laying it all out to her.

Once again his heart was in her hands and he just prayed that she did not stomp all over it as she had. But he knew it was a real possibility. It was more then a possibility. He was looking at a 95% chance that she was going to break his heart all over again. Yet he had to take the chance because if he did not have her then he had nothing anyways.

Bella stared at him not sure that she was hearing him correctly. After every thing that she had done to him here he was forgiving her and telling her that he wanted to give them another chance. She didn't deserve it and she didn't know if she wanted it.

"Edward the fact that you don't hate me is a treatment to the man that you are. I don't now nor have I ever deserved your love. You are the most amazing man that I have ever met," Bella told him as the words from another filled her head, _"I understand that he might be the better man but you and I know that he will never be the right man."_

"That all sounds good but what does it really mean? Does it mean that you want to give us another try or does it just mean that the good guy finishes last?" Edward demanded to know cutting through all her carefully thought out words to get to the only question that mattered.

"I…"

Jasper waited for her full of apprehension. Bella had called him to meet. She had not given him any details other than the time and place. He had shown up early unable to be away from her a moment longer, she however was late. Part of him wondered if she would show up at all giving him all the answers he would need in that one action.

He closed his eyes and willed away all the evil voices in his mind. He could not allow himself to think that way. He knew that she loved him and this…this was the moment that she was going to tell him that she was going to be his forever.

He could see it now…Bella and him curled up on the couch snuggling with their daughter. It was such a small moment that most people would float right through never feeling the importance but for him it was what he longed for more than anything.

He felt her before he saw her. It was this feeling he got when she was close. His senses were totally in tune with her. With her it was always like that.

"Sorry I'm late," she huffed throwing herself into the booth. She flashed him a smile that was not so convincing hiding her nervousness.

"You are not that late. I was just early," Jasper explained and flashed her his own smile. It seemed to put her at ease but just a degree.

"How have you been?" Bella asked having not seen him in awhile. He looked amazing. He smelled that way too. The scent of his cologne had caught her attention as she walked pass him. She'll never forget the way he smelled the first time he had hugged her. She had tried to crawl into that smell. It brought her right back to that moment.

"I have missed you," Jasper told her reaching across the table to take her hand into his. He let it go quickly though as if her hand had burned his. "How come you are still wearing your wedding band?" he demanded.

She pulled her hand away and placed it on her lap staring down unable to look at him.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" he asked her straight out.

"No," she blurted out quickly. "You have to understand that I have not taken it off in over five years. It has become a part of me. I didn't even think about it," she told him and that was mostly the truth.

"Well do you plan on taking it off?" he asked her wanting to know once and for all where she stood. No longer could she have them both.

"Bella…"

"Can we do this somewhere else," she finally said feeling like all eyes were on them. This was not the time or the place to do this.

He let her get up and walk out first. He threw a twenty on the table and followed her out. She was waiting by his car.

"You drive," she told him not trusting herself to drive.

He opened her door and she climbed in. He took his seat next to her and turned on the car without asking where he headed to his house. It seemed that was okay with her as she got out once they were there waiting quietly at the front door for him to open it. She threw her purse on the chair and turned around to face him.

He could see that her breathing had increased as her chest moved up and down. Without moving her head she lifted her eyes staring at him in a way that undid him.

She stared at the man that meant everything to her for so long. Tears formed in her eyes as she really looked at him. He had always been such a handsome man but now he was his own man which just added to his power. He was all man oozing strength and sexuality.

"Bella…"

"Jasper…"

He laughed which broke the tension. She smiled and he saw some of the fear leave her but as quick as it left it returned and he had this horrible feeling he was not going to like what she told him.

"I need a damn smoke…" he announced heading past her and out into the back.

She found him sitting jeans rolled up soaking his feet in the pool. He took a drag and the smoke rolled up and through the air.

"Smoking is so bad for you. It makes you smell and have yellow teeth and bad breath," she said but honestly he never did.

"Somebody told me that once before but it is my last bad habit and I just can't kick it," he told her taking another drag.

"I understand," she said wondering when she was going to get the courage to tell him what she needed to.

"Do you?" he asked flicking the cigarette. He pulled out another one and lit it.

"Smoking, no but I understand the need for something that isn't good for you. I understand cravings," she told him struggling with some of her own.

"I doubt you wanted to be alone to talk about my bad habits or yours so Bella…" he said and she wanted to run.

So she did. She gave him one last look and walked inside and grabbed her purse heading for the door. Of course she never made it there. She heard his wet footsteps behind her and when he grabbed her spinning her around she dropped her purse and grabbed him into a passionate kiss.

Both were heaving and out of breath when the kiss broke apart. She didn't speak, couldn't. She grabbed his shirt into her hands yanking up and off. Hers followed. They ended up making love right there in the hall. It was hard and fast and the release both needed.

She awake to find herself sleeping in his bed. She moaned as she rolled over. The bed had always been perfect. She never slept better than when she was in this bed. Part of it might be from the contentment she found there and with whom.

"Are you hungry?" Jasper asked walking into the room. He was back in his jeans but shirtless. She was hungry but just not for food. She bit her lip and tried to think of something other then Jasper's chiseled chest and flat stomach.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Only around six. I can make you some dinner."

"Alright," she said looking around for her clothes but they were no where around so she grabbed his robe. It smelled like him. She took a deep breath and tried to calm her nerves.

She found him cutting vegetables in the kitchen.

"I have been cooking a lot. Once I stopped drinking I realized that I like to eat. I also realized that cooking for one is no fun," Jasper announced to her not knowing what else to say. even though they had made love he knew it could mean nothing. She was yet to tell him it was over with Edward.

"Can I help?" she said needing to nr busy.

"Sure, how about you get the carrots out of the fridge."

She did as he asked and as she turned around she stopped in her tracks. Spread across his back was this huge tattoo. She knew it was new. She hadn't seen it before and his skin still showed the signs of trauma.

"When did you get that?" she asked dropping the carrots on the counter to get a better look. She ran her finger over it and he shuddered.

"A few weeks ago…what do you think?" he asked holding his breath.

"It is huge and by the looks of it painful. Why?" she asked.

"For you…" he simply said thinking every thing he did was for her whether she knew it or not.

It was a full back piece. The main part of it was an angel with wings outspread holding in her hands a heart, "I always said that you were my angel sent from above and you always will be. The heart in your hands well is my heart. You have held it in the palm of your hands since day one and always will. Then there is my two other angels," he said and she looked closer. In the clouds floating around her feet was a little girl that was smiling back at her. She knew it was meant to be Sadie. Then there was a tiny baby that looked to be asleep floating. It only took her a second to realize that it was their other child. Tears stung her eyes as she reached out and touched him.

"I have never forgotten him. I never will. I carry him inside of me. I just wanted a way to finally show the world everything that meant anything to me," Jasper said turning to face her.

"Jasper…it is perfect just like you. I loved the boy that was looking to find his place in the world but I love the man more that finally realized that he didn't have to," she told him.

"What are you trying to tell me?" Jasper asked, holding his breath praying that this was really going to happen.

"I…"


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty Two

Ever After

"Dad, promise you won't let go," Sadie demanded of her dad. Bella didn't think that was going to be a problem. Her dad was highly overprotective when it came to his daughter. This was the first time riding her bike without training wheels and her dad had her bundled up in two pairs of knee pads and elbow pads, plus her helmet.

"The poor girl is not even going to be move let alone ride her bike," Bella told him watching Sadie struggle to get on her bike.

"It is not my fault that she takes after her mother," he joked about her and Sadie's tendency to be a bit clumsy.

"I'm not clumsy just vertically challenged."

"I am a big fan of you being vertical," he informed her sending red flames to her cheeks.

"Stop."

"Oh I'm just getting started."

"Dad, can you please pay attention to me for a minute," Sadie yelled sounding very much like her dad.

"We'll finish this later," he whispered giving her a quick kiss before rushing off to be his daughter's champion and protector.

Bella stood back and watched as Sadie screamed at her dad to let go already but like predicted he was having a hard time. She couldn't blame him considering it hadn't even been a year since he found out that he was a father at all.

Seeing how happy he was she couldn't believe that she had considered for even a minute not giving this all to Jasper. But she had. She had come so close to telling him that she couldn't be with him. It seemed like it was just yesterday that she was standing before him about to tell him it was over.

"_What are you trying to tell me?" Jasper asked._

_What she had been trying to tell him was this had to end. She had gone to tell Jasper that they were over. It had been an agonizing decision to make. Just the thought of not being with Jasper anymore was excruciating. She had lost him once only to get a second chance to simply throw it away._

_But it had to be done._

_No matter what she felt for him she had made a commitment for better or worse with Edward that she planned on honoring. It was the only right decision. She had to end things with Jasper for once and all. _

_That had been her plan._

_That was before she looked into Jasper's eyes. That was before Jasper touched her. That was before all the reasons why she should stay with Edward melted under the only reason that she shouldn't…Jasper._

"_I…" she said struggling to think of the right words to say but there was no right words to tell him that it was over. She realized that the only thing that would make all of this right was the truth. _

"_Bella…" Jasper questioned staring at her basically holding his breath waiting for her to either destroy his life and give it back to him._

"_I've been in love with you from the beginning and I will be in love with you at the end. It's always been you," she whispered to him feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. There was no other choice, there never had been. No matter what she had tried to make herself believe._

_She looked down at her finger and the ring that she had not taken off since the day Edward had put it on. She loved him still but never like she loved Jasper and she should have never let him believe otherwise. She knew what she had done to Edward was a sin she would have to answer for. But what she was just realizing what would be worse then ending things with Edward would be staying with him and not loving him. _

_She couldn't help thinking about all the nights she laid next to Edward. The distance between them was unmistakable, in her mind at least. She could never understand how she could feel so close but so far apart. That was because she hadn't been able to face the truth that it might be over. That she had been faking it for a long time._

_She slowly pulled at the ring, sliding it off. As a reminder that it had been there was the mark left by years of wear. She sat it on the counter._

"_I'm yours if you still want me," she told Jasper._

"_Always and forever." _

_It seemed like time had stood still. For that moment it was if nothing had happened. They were back to that moment when they were just a boy and a girl who loved each other. The past fell away and before them was a whole world of possibilities. _

_But the moment did not last as long as she would have liked. _

_Staring at Jasper she waited for him to say some thing more. To tell her what he was feeling. She wanted to know what he was thinking and what was going to happen now. She had just stepped off the cliff and she was scared of the fall. It was not that she doubted Jasper's love for her. She never had. But that love had not saved her from heartache._

_Every moment that Jasper stood there quiet was another moment that she felt the fear sink in. Had she done the right thing? Had she made the right choice?_

"_Can you say some thing?" Bella demanded of him when she simply could not take the silence any more. _

"_I'm just waiting for it to happen?"_

"_What to happen?"_

"_For me to wake up and realize that this is a dream. I have had this dream too many times to count and I always wake up at this point."_

"_This is not a dream and I am not going to disappear," Bella explained to him with a smirk as she stepped closer to him. _

_She reached out and placed her hand on his chest. It was the connection that she needed. The smell of her lingered still on his skin reminded her of what they had been doing not long ago. It was what she wanted to be doing now._

"_Make love to me, Jasper."_

_His eyes flashed with desire as he bent down and picked her up into his arms. He stared down into her eyes as if he was making sure that she was really real. She smiled up at him seeing the twinkle appeared in his eyes. Moments later she was laying down in his bed, Jasper hovering over her._

"_I don't think you are ever going to understand the depth of my love for you or the pain losing you caused me. I dreamed about this, having you back in my arms. I prayed for just one more night with you. I would have given anything to make it happen and I still will. Whatever it takes, whatever I have to do to make you happy I will. No sacrifice is too great," he whispered down at her close to tears. _

"_I am not looking for sacrifice and gallant acts. All I want, all I ever wanted from you was your love and commitment. I want us to be a family. I want us to have the life we were always meant to have. I want forever with us. That is all I want. If you can give that to me then I will have everything," she told him, reaching up to stroke his face. She couldn't believe how much in love she was with him. _

"_I love you forever. I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. but first well you asked me to do something and since I promise to never disappoint you again," he smirked right before bending down to kiss gently on the lips but she wanted none of that._

_She reached up and threaded her fingers through the silky strands of his hair pulling him closer deepening the kiss._

"Mom…_MOM_…" she heard breaking through into her memories. "Did you see me? Did you see me riding on two wheels all by myself? When is daddy coming? Won't he be so proud of me?" she danced around almost falling face first in the street. Good thing for all the padding.

"He should be here any time now," she told her.

"Yeah, I'm going to go practice," she announced heading back over to where Jasper was waiting holding her bike. Instantly she was back on riding around like an old pro who didn't need Jasper following closely behind just waiting for her to fall so he could catch her.

Sadie was one lucky little girl. There were a lot of children who didn't have one caring father and she had two.

It had not been easy explaining to her that Edward was not her real father. She was hurt, confused, and angry. The divorce made it a hundred times harder. The only one she didn't seem to hate was Edward as if she knew that none of this was his fault.

Immediately they all went into counseling, including Edward. That had made all the difference. That and the fact that no matter what was going on between the three of them they all had one common goal, Sadie. In time she finally realized that though every thing was going to be different that she was not losing her daddy, but she was gaining a dad.

"DADDY!"

Edward pulled up getting out meeting Sadie half way down the street. After kisses and hugs Sadie was back riding, trailed by her own personal bodyguard.

"Does he plan on following around after her like that perpetually?" Edward asked.

"Don't act like if he wasn't that you won't be," she laughed at him thinking 'wait till she starts dating'.

"So?"

"How is everything going? Are the nurses still throwing themselves at you, Dr. McDreamy?" Bella asked making small talk.

"Don't even start with that. Do you know how hard it is to be taken seriously when I keep being called that? Even some of the doctors are calling me that now," he huffed.

"It is the hair," she told him just as he is raking his hands though it once again.

"They never called me that when we were together."

"Yeah they did but they were just quieter about it."

At that moment Edward became very quiet himself staring out at Sadie and Jasper. She knew this was still hard for him. How could it not be but he was still there, still apart of Sadie's life. She knew he always would be, no matter what.

"I've been seeing someone," he softly confessed as if he was feeling guilty.

"That's wonderful," she told him. It was time that he met someone. It was time for him to be happy.

"I don't know how serious it is. We have been on a few dates and so far so good but I don't know," he told her but she knew if he was telling her about it that it was pretty serious.

"Edward if you are somehow asking for my blessing you have it. All I want is for you to be happy," Bella told him touching his arm to get him to look at her. Once he did she told him. "I'm always going to want the best for you. I am always going to love you."

She would never know what those words did to him. She was just trying to make him feel better but she did not understand that all they did was cause him pain. How the words ripped through his flesh cutting his heart into shreds. But he could never tell her that.

He could never tell her that he was constantly holding his breath waiting to see her, wishing he was with her. But he made a promise to her and whether it killed him or not he was going to keep it. Even if he shattered into a million pieces he was going to keep his oath. He would never let her know that he would never be over her. That he was never going to be able to let her go. That he would never be with someone else without seeing her face and wishing it was her.

She had been the one for him, end of story.

Right now he was in this purgatory caught between loving her and hoping somehow, some way she would come back to him and loving her and finding a way to move on without her.

"Edward…." she sighed.

"It is alright Bella. You don't have to say anything else to me. I understand. I better go get Sadie and get out of here," he said turning away before she could see the tears starting to fill his eyes.

"Edward…"

"It is alright Bella," he told her giving her a small sad smile before he headed off to scoop up Sadie who laughed and giggled.

She watched as Edward drove away thinking was it ever really going to be alright for him. God she wanted him to find the happiness that she had, that in a big way Edward had given her.

"Hi beautiful," Jasper smiled coming up behind her kissing her on the back of the neck sending goose bumps over her skin.

She smiled back at him staring into his loving eyes and felt her heart skip a beat. And she felt the world stop around them. This was the man who she was meant to spend forever with. She had known it the first time she met him. The only problem had been she had been looking for a fairy tale. She now knew fairy tales don't exist. And that was a good thing because every fairy tales concludes the same way…THE END. But in real life this was just the beginning of their happily ever after.


	23. Author's Note

**A/N: **

**I just wanted to say thank-you to all of you that have read and reviewed this story. I know it was not the typical story and that I had all of you wondering if I switched sides there for a moment but in the end, we all knew the only choice for Bella to make was Jasper. Yet I still have a soft spot for this Edward. He really was the good guy in this story. **

**Well that is the end of the story and I should just press the complete button but I feel like there is so much more to be told. We skipped over some major events, such as Edward and Bella's wedding, Sadie's birth, Emmett dying, telling Sadie the truth about Jasper, and Jasper and Bella's wedding. So I put up a poll to see what chapters you would like to see. Feel free to vote for more then one since I am sure I will do a couple. I also put up the option of ten years down the road because we always want to know what happened. Or if you have some thing else you would like to see just let me know. So now go vote so I can get started. **

**Once again thank you all. You are the best!**


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